sunnygirl7

Hi,

My alcoholic ex-boyfriend and I split up after I confronted him about using cocaine. I told myself that going "no contact" would make him realize what he lost and force him to seek help. It didn't. All it did was make him hate me. I've gotten myself into therapy and have tried my best to move on, but it hasn't been easy.

Friends tell me he's now using cocaine daily. Last week, he married a woman he started dating only 4 months ago. She is also an active addict and alcoholic, but I'm told they're "head over heels" in love. This news was painful for me...both because I still have feelings for him, and because I fear this means he will never seek help for his addictions.

Can anyone give me some insight into the dynamics of a marriage between two addicts/alcoholics? Are they likely to seek help together or are they likely to drive each other further down? I know I don't get any say in how he lives his life, and I know I shouldn't care, but I still love him and worry so much about his health. The whole thing just makes me so sad.

LoveMeNow

I think it's far more important to live and focus on your own life and let him live his. Holding on will make it hard to let go.

Drugs will always come first for an addict. It runs their entire existence. Not a relationship I would want ever again.

AnvilheadII

i'm sorry for your heartache but now it really IS time to let go. what he does with his life, well, that's his business. even if we said categorically that YES addicts as a couple CAN recover, what does that change for YOU? nothing.

you have your own wonderful life to live. to the best of your ability.

nfijules

Hi! Girl...I have been there....I got sober and hubby didn't. We divorced eventually. I continued to hang on, research every behavior in hopes of HIM changing when I continued to stay sick. It all boiled down to this...acceptance of what it is. Let go and focus on you! This may sound harsh, but what he is doing is none of your business...I know you care for the man and his wellbeing, but you can only love from a distance and keep yourself healthy! Pray for him! Goodluck and happy thoughts

sunnygirl7

Thanks, everyone. You're all absolutely right...it's not easy, but it's time.

wicked

Yes, because surrendering was relaxing to me,
like putting down a heavy load after a long hike,
I felt light as a feather.

Nearly floated away on the lightness of being.

Not doing. Being.



Beth