Weasel1966

I am no stranger to what it means to forgive. For me, forgiveness can sometimes be transparent. What I mean by that is i can draw similarities between forgiveness and the work I am doing in my recovery. Sometimes I see it clearly and sometimes I don't.

For me forgiveness was not a once and done thing. I had an evil step father.... And not in any fairy tale kind of way.... Who I had to really come to a point of release and forgiveness. And that was just to save myself. I thought many times I had forgiven only to find another aspect I hadn't yet addressed. So again I worked to understand my reactions. It was very tiring. Sucked to be honest. Ripped the scab over and over until it healed right.

And for me forgiving him was not about him. It was me reconciling the experiences into my life and how I reacted to triggers. That's sounds an awful lot like what I am doing now with drinking and drugs.

The biggest payback I got from my childhood was to learn to forgive myself. Forgiving someone else seems hardly to start with me but it does. And now I am faced again with a big choice on how to forgive.

My heart is open as much as my head will allow it. While filial love is unconditional the love of a spouse is certainly not. I have some considering to do. And again I will start with me.

Thanks for the great support and comments I got yesterday. They helped guide me again to that next step. Cannot say when it will be but I know I have a clearer point of view.

instant

I hear ya buddy. Sometimes love is closer than we think

trikyriky

When i was young and had relationship woes the one thing i remember being told was " If you love something Set it free , If it returns It was Meant to be " Go Easy today , Ken

MIRecovery

Without forgiveness we will never quit drinking. Without forgiveness we will never know peace. Without forgiveness we can never be what God intended. If we wish to be forgiven we need to do the same

BabyJane

Weasel - I'm just glad you're still here!!! You really have been such a strength to so many people on the forum. I'm sure this is a tough time for you, but it sounds like you're finding your way day by day, as always, and you haven't given up, which is phenomenal. We are here for you, our friend. Keep moving forward. Keep sorting through this and you will continue to have revelations. Sobriety is something you have done before and I know you can do it again, with an even stronger resolve. Stay close! (((Hugs)))