dbaguy

I'm looking for places that I can get support and talk with others who are dealing with or have dealt with having an alcoholic spouse (I ended up here after some internet searching). I'm wondering what things everyone here finds most helpful and where you turn when you feel like you're going crazy. My wife has been sober for 17 days at this point. I went to my first Al-Anon meeting yesterday to try it out. Have others had good success with Al-Anon? Are there other support groups that have worked well? I haven't really decided what I am going to do for myself but I know I need to do something. I'm feeling pretty lost at them moment with few people that I really can just sit down and vent or unload or seek support from. I'm kind of an emotional basket-case in private and find myself overloaded with emotion at odd times (like just feeling like crying when I'm driving to work). Hoping to get as many ideas of places I can turn to find folks who might understand what I'm going through. If you made it this far, thanks for reading .

Florence

Definitely hang out here, and try Al-Anon a few times before you decide whether to stay or reject it. The "rule" is six visits, different meetings. You'll probably find one you like.

lillamy

Hi & welcome here!!!

I've been in AlAnon & reading and posting here for about 7 years, dealing with an alcoholic husband (now ex). I've also been in individual counseling for almost as long (with four different counselors before I found a good fit).

AlAnon helped me feel that it was ok to admit my husband was an addict - without feeling like I had to solve and fix everything immediately. It's been a good supportive environment to cry and laugh and curse with other people who get it, and work on figuring out how I had learned unhealthy coping strategies in my marriage.

This board has provided me with inconvenient truths and called me on my ******** (in a loving but straightforward way). And my therapist has given me hands-on tools and helped me frame my thinking and corral my feelings. I have benefited greatly from the combination of the three.

The most important thing for me was realizing that my primary job was taking care of me and the children. I spent so many years worrying about him and his drinking and his health and neglecting my own well-being.

I'm sorry you need the support but glad you realize you need it and glad you're here.

dandylion

Dear baguy, illiamy suggested the same things I would have.

I would like to mention a website with some food articles specifically the early recovery period---which can be sooo difficult on the whole family.
It is: peggyferguson.marriage-family.com It is a huge site--look for the category of the addicted family on the left-hand side of the page.

In alanon you will also become acquainted with some classic material for reading that will also be quite helpful.

dandylion

dandylion

Dear dbaguy---I meant good articles---not food articles--te-he-he

dandylion

Recovering2

Oh man dandylion, I thought I was going to get some great recipes to calm me and give me energy in recovery!

AlAnon has been a life saver for me. I went to my first few meetings scared, exhausted, angry. Wasn't sure what to think, but committed to 6 meetings. I found that it was the one place where I didn't feel alone or crazy. People there "get it". I would get some pearl from someone's share each time I went, over time it helped me plan out my future. When I don't have a meeting, I have this site.

lillamy

LOL I was wondering too what I had missed about food in early recovery! I'm a foodie so I was going to be all over that!

dandylion

Actually, speaking of food---one thing that calms me down is going to the kitchen to cook.

I think that this goes back to the times, as a girl, I was always in the kitchen watching my grandmother cook. (wood burning stove!). A warm kitchen (no matter how humble), with some hot comfort food, seems to signal safety and love for me.

I'm thinking of smothered chicken, biscuits and gravy, pots of bean soup......

sunnshinegirl

Dbaguy, what I find most helpful here is reading the pinned posts and then posting what I'm going through and reading everyone's answers and reading everyone's posts. I don't feel so alone then and everyone here really understands. If you can, a therapist is really a great help. A therapist proved to be my personal life saver along with this board. And Al-Anon. Sorry you are going through this.

dbaguy

Honestly, at first I thought I was going to find some great recipes as well! I love to cook too, it's always been a therapeutic activity for me lol. I think tomorrow I'm going to see about checking out a second Al-Anon meeting that is held at noon near my work, gives me an excuse to get out of the office too. A therapist is probably a great idea as well, thanks for that advice. I honestly hadn't really even considered it just yet as I feel pretty chaotic right now. Think I'll go read through some stickies. Thank you all for the direction and support. God knows I need it right now.

CarryOn

I'll second everyone else...I started off with a therapist (mine is awesome - she is trained/experienced in addiction & challenges me when needed), I also met with the priest at my church who happens to be an RA & was incredibly helpful, finally started going to Al-Anon. My fourth meeting at Al-Anon finally clicked and I decided this IS where I NEED to be!

Otherwise...close family & friends have been wonderful to let me lean on them, and I'm reading/researching a lot about Alcoholism, Codependency, Boundaries, etc.

Welcome and take care of yourself!