Needingadvice1

Well after my doom & gloom post the other night all upset worried he would kill himself, everything has changed (again).

I had a call from him yesterday from a blocked number asking for me to pick him up. Uhm hello excuse me you're alive I was up all night thinking you were going to kill yourself, I thought. I was in shock & really hurt so told him to call me back after I'd thought about it. Of course I couldn't call him as his phone was smashed. I actually thought he wouldn't call again but he did...4 times each time more desperate. He promised to get help, wanted to get away, etc.

I called his father & asked if he could organise himself or one of his brothers to pick him up. They all live 4hr drive away but it could be organised. I feel like this is the best option. He is away from his 'addict gang' & in a safe place. Yes he may still seek new addicts but its worth a try. It's also better to be away from me & the kids whilst he withdraws - for all of us!

His dad thought different though. He said he called me begging for help so this is where he wants to be. He said I should either help him otherwise stop all contact with him forever & leave it at that. He also said that my messages asking for the car would also pushed him further into drugs. Wat the? His dad said he would be there when my addict calls and asks him for help. I know his dad is going through his own journey with his sons recent drug addiction but I don't think they're even trying to help. They are putting it all on me & it's really p***d me off. So I either picked him up or live with guilt.

So, I picked him up yesterday for the very final try. I'm trying to be supportive. He is sick. Like really sick. He's lost weight, looks tired, really sad. Like he's just back from war. He went to bed at 7pm last night & had a restless sleep. He's slept most of today too. He's eating today & said he had his last shot (speed) around 36hrs now. He's pretty grumpy & snappy at the moment. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. He's obviously coming down. How long does this last? Wat else can I expect? Any tips for making this easier for us all? I've tried to get him to call a drug helpline now to help get through the weekend. He said yeah but walked away & isn't really interested. I've hidden my car keys!!

I'm not very optimistic at all. That prob sounds bad but I'm just not. I hope he gets help & stays off drugs but who knows. Surely if he really wanted to he would've made the call by now.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep applying for jobs to leave town to keep my options open

Shiek

I'm really sorry you are going through this, I can relate though so you are not alone, my ex addict has threatened NUMEROUS times to commit suicide, also his mother meddles in our lives too and thinks her advice is golden which it's not...walking on eggshells is a horrible feeling and it's a feeling you get towards the end of your wits with the relationship, I think it's important to ask yourself, is this situation something you can envision dealing with for the rest of your life? If you have little hope now then is it worth the last push of effort? And sadly yes, he probably would have gotten off drugs a long time ago if he wanted to, don't torture yourself for the rest of your life, if you have more doubt than hope then it's probably time to let go...As for the time line for coming off drugs, it's different depending on everyone and how much they use and how often it's in their system, maybe just try and stay away from him as best you can and hopefully he will call a helpline or see someone to talk to, he needs an outlet so his irritation doesn't boil over in his mind. Best wishes to you and your family.

Katiekate

He needs the help of a program, if he does not seek it, he will most likely relapse. And even with a program he will most likely relapse.

I hate to sound negative, perhaps if you had left him there, he may have been closer to his bottom than ever before. Now you have put yourself in the position of putting up with grumpy withdrawing junkie. He most likely will not seek treatment , partly due to the fact that he does not have to, he found his soft place to land.

Vale

Needingadvice1,

It is in our nature to want to save not only ones like us (other humans)
but even other life forms that kind of look like, mimic, or mirror us.

Try to look at a puppies doleful eyes as it stares at you through a plate
glass window.......as you and your family enjoy a warm fire & good food----
while the starving puppy stares at you from the snowstorm outside.

NOT letting the puppy in,NOT giving in and allowing it a soft place to land
is one of the most excruciatingly difficult things one could ask a (non sociopathic)
human being to do.

I've pulled off some difficult things in my life----but few as difficult as closing
the blinds and not letting the puppy in.It felt goddamned awful.Truly.

What felt GREAT was bringing her benjamins and seeing her silently mouth the
words "thank you".

I knew that money was killing her.But it felt great giving it to her.

So you tell me ...... who was the addict?

You know what the right thing to do is.Telling you it is easy would be a lie.

Needingadvice1

Thkyou all.
I know I needed that slap in the face. I'm not sure what to say or do now & feel a bit stupid. I guess I can just ride the storm & see what happens next. I don't think he'll get help this time now either. Surely he would've already. He definitely has that FEBM (thks vale) thing going on.
I'm doubting my decision now reading your posts. I know what I should've done but he was so helpless. I know I know there's always going to be a but. Need i say I've been so helpless too this week needing a car that he had taken for drugs. I'm too forgiving I know that. I'm hoping for a miracle by the sounds of things. If I wasn't on this site & I didn't know all his behaviours were 'text book' I wonder if I'd try longer & harder...likely in vain.
Geeze this is depressing ! Why am I putting up with this? There is seriously sometging wrong with me

Katiekate

It was said with love and kindness.

Hold tight, it will unfold.

We are here with you every step of the way.

It is so much easier to see from the outside looking in.

We know because we all did the same thing, more than once.

No feeling stupid, it's a journey, the learning is hard sometimes.

It's okay. xo

Vale

we weren't/aren't stupid and neither are you.
start with selfcare (cut yourself a break)
this is hard,not easy----and the only thing for certain
is your SR pals will always understand.

Kindeyes

I can't tell you how many times I did the same thing. Believe me, you'll get another "chance" to do it differently next time. As I progressed in my own recovery, I would recognize when I was being codependent and giving in to the addict's demands. I would examine it backwards to recognize my "pivot point"......the point in time where my own decision could have been different. I eventually got good at recognizing the pivot point while it was happening and could make those tougher decisions. It doesn't mean it was easy. It just means that as I worked on myself, I became healthier and was able to make healthier decisions for me.

My son also threatened suicide.....many many many times. If I knew where he was, I called 911. If I didn't and he wouldn't tell me, I would tell him I'm sorry to hear that and that I love him. It was all I could do.

If he's injecting meth, my son told me that days 5 and 6 were the worst. The irritability factor was through the roof on days 5 and 6.

Please......take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

madisonblake

Don't ever feel stupid here. I went back so many times. Last night I was on the phone with a friend explaining and apologizing why none of my friends had seen me in awhile. I fell off the face of the earth for awhile because I had gone back to my axbf for what seems like the 100th time. I said to her "there's no way I would ever go back to him, all I feel is disgust when I think of him" bla bla bla. Her response: she laughed and said "I've heard that come out of your mouth before and next June I'll be getting a call from you saying you took him back". She was laughing when she said it. It wasn't her demeaning me. She loves me. It was just an eye opener for me. Yes, I kept saying I'd never go back but I always did. Sort of like how the addict says they'll never go back to drugs but in my case, he always did.

Cut yourself some slack. Don't feel stupid, especially not here on SR.

Vale

yeah! what madisonblake said!
(don't ever feel stupid here)

'cuz on SR, stupid is a commodity and I own (and jealously guard)
a substantial share of it. stupid doesn't grow on trees here (like it
does in the real world)........so if you want to FEEL stupid.....you're gonna
have to EARN some FIRST.

......and from where I sit,newbie.......YOU aren't sitting on a big
(EARNED) pile of stupid.....like I am! For though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of codependency ,I fear no imbecile........for I have
committed dumber acts of codependency than the next 6 top producers
combined.

If you want to BORROW some stupid, I can arrange attractive terms.
Pay no attention to my jealous competitors here on SR who (wrecklessly)
throw around terms like loan shark & usury. Although some of them have
semirespectable reserves of stupid------gained from codependent adventures
........if you wanna get SERIOUS......go see the guy with the 10 gallon hat with
the "S" on it.........VALE!

(Laughing beats the sh** out of crying!)

Vale (stupid BEFORE it was cool!)

Needingadvice1

Lol thkyou all!! Thks for making me smile