bexxed

When I quit smoking, a couple of months ago, I was a Class A Nutcase for exactly one week. I was a Class B Nutcase for the second week. Fortunately I have a job where I can "get away with" working from "home" as long as it's not constant and everyday for weeks on end. Because I had a hard time holding it together. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm very proud of it. Of course, I'd quit before. I blame my relationship with alcohol in part on my returning to it. Anyway. So here I am in the second week of giving up on the booze. It's Saturday night, I have some things I want to do that I never have gotten it together to do around my house, so I decide I will do them. It's clear I need a cordless drill. So, I go to Lowe's and buy one. Yay! I repeatedly ask the man in Lowe's if I need anything else for the drill. Nope, says he. I'd wanted to buy a nicer one, but he actually talked me down to one that was on sale and less nice, because I "won't be using it every day". Uh, ok, that's fine.

The store is closing.

I get home, driving through a fricken monsoon, and am very excited to rearrange my house, hang some stuff on the walls, and fix some furniture. The drill doesn't have the piece that connects to the bit. Nope, I'm not stupid. It's not there. It doesn't even look like the god damn picture. There is no place to put the double sided bit into the drill. I spent a full hour making certain I wasn't overlooking something, wondering what the hell is wrong with me, but these pieces don't go together.

I'm SO MAD! Now I'm awake, and nothing I wanted to do and planned to do can be done. I wanna drink, no I don't, I wanna break the windows, break that Lowe's clerk's face, break the drill I was so excited to have.

There is a special place in hell for men who talk down to women in hardware stores. I didn't know the words for what I was asking if the drill had, and at one point this guy said "I don't know what your hand movements mean, ma'am, these items have names."

Grrrr. My anger is much stronger sober. It's hard to control. I've been giving myself a pass, every time I get annoyed or angry, saying the serenity prayer to myself, reminding myself that it really isn't going to matter in the big picture, and calming myself down. This is difficult. My house is torn apart, I was all set to get going on putting together a new counter, a desk, and hang stuff on the walls. Now I have to wait in these shambles til morning, and try not to bite off the head of the guy at Lowe's.

Grr. Thanks for reading my vent.

Dee74

I'm sorry you were condescended to Bexxed...thats one of my pet peeves too.

It's ok to be a little angry - just don't let the actions of one smarmy unhelpful jerk ruin your night too much, ok?

D

Happier

Sorry. That sounds like a frustrating situation. I was more angry for the first few months too. Can't explain it but you are certainly not alone. I hope you stick with it. In my case, things slowly but surely got better with time. Just part of the process for some of us I assume.
I trust that tomorrow will be a better day for you.

Nighthawk8820

I find any emotions we tried to mask, come back super strong when alcohol isnt around to mask them. This allows you to grow and learn to deal with this emotions in a healthier manner. Its a process, and sometimes a long one, but its worth it. You will find inner peace, even if it takes a while. You may not even think you are progressing, and then you are put in a situation and react WAY different than before, proving you are indeed making progress and changes towards the positive. Give it time.

BarbieKen

Thank you nighthawk. So many times in the last 6 months I've come to this board and read something that clicks and I feel comforted. A gentle nudge, a reminder when I've gotten off my path. New car....car dealership...thanks again.

daisy1

agree with Nighthawk - the emotions come back very strongly when coming off alcohol - I saw a dead badger and cried hysterically for 30 minutes!
Things like that happen to everyone, it's just life - glad you are saying the serenity prayer, I find it helps me when I start ruminating on the past and getting angry for things that have been said and done to me etc. Do you exercise? I find exercise (I mean proper, sweat-inducing exercise) releases calming endorphins that last up to 3 days! xxx

bexxed

Yup, had just started before I quit drinking- I run. Am going out for a run now, actually.

Thanks, Nighthawk. That response is going on my fridge.

instant

My emotions were all over the place for the first six months. My mind was on hyperalert. Remember the guy in Flying High "looks like I chose the wrong week to give up ........"

going with the flow is harder than it looks.........the world is full of people. When they're gone, we have to deal with ourselves.

Anna

That sounds like a very frustrating situation, but you're dealing with it and that's the main thing. We have a lot to learn in early recovery and this has been a learning experience for you. You can get frustrated and manage to handle your emotions. Good for you!

ChooseSobriety

Hello bexxed,

It's great to see that you're sharing your anger and frustrations. I know for me sometimes it feels like trying to put an elephant in a thimble ;-)

Anger and frustration happens to everyone, keep sharing and most importantly laugh as often as possible.

Love,

CS

bexxed

LOL!!!!! ELEPHANT in a THIMBLE!!!!!! That's exactly what it felt like!!!!!

"going with the flow is harder than it looks.........the world is full of people. When they're gone, we have to deal with ourselves."

And thanks for this, Instant. It's true. Those "coexist" bumper stickers? Yeah.

I'm going back to Lowe's. Something tells me I'll also be a little bit more direct with them now, too.

hamptons

My main problem is my anger, dry, wet, drunk, sober, doesnt matter

I am ANGRY and it is little things that get my goat not big ones.

I sympathize.... I am doing more exercise to help