GeminiEye

Good evening all...
Ok...this is a little different than most things I've tried. But knowing that there are good people (such as myself) who are going through the same issues, dilemma's and situations made it easier for me to reach out and register on this site.
Long story short...I'm in a long term relationship with a man that I've known for over 20 years!! I've seen him go through the good, the bad...and the ugly (and not just ex-girl friends)!! A week ago he decides that for himself and his son, he needed to quit drinking!! I'm SOOO proud of him for deciding this for himself, before it got too late!!! And I want nothing more than for him to be happy!!!
Sooo...my issue is...how do I have a relationship with him afterwards?? Sounds selfish maybe, but I ask in all sincerity!!! I think now that in some ways, our relationship has ALWAYS included alcohol...and now that he's wanting this new change for himself...I want nothing more than to help stay on track!!! But how can I do that??? I know in my heart it all starts and begins with him...him needing and wanting the sobriety!!!! But after he's done with the "program"...how can I relate to him and help him away from the "itch'!?!?!?!
I know he's already getting tired of me asking him "how are you feeling"...and I don't want to push him away to the point where he won't be honest with me!! I guess all I'm asking is...what are the good and bad questions to ask someone who needs help?!?!?
Thanks to all who read this! There's more to this story, but in short...I just want to be the best friend to him...because I know and believe in the best man that he is!!!

Dee74

Hi GeminiEye

I think it's natural to be fearful...most of us worried who we'd be after we got sober too.

You're worrying about stuff that hasn't happened yet tho

People change, whether they're alcoholics or addicts or not - I'm sure both you and your partner are not exactly the same people you were 20 years so, but it's OK, yeah? .

For me, I changed a lot in a lot of ways, but not so much as to unrecognizable...I just got better at being me that's all.

Just...be cool.
See what happens - you might like what happens

D

Hope4Life

I would say to just be supportive of his efforts but it might be a good idea to not bring the subject into your conversation. Let him bring it up if he wants to but don't dwell on it.

I have to ask, are you still drinking? Do you drink around him? If you are please consider how that may effect your relationship with him. It is a struggle for many of us in the beginning and especially hard to be around other drinkers. Eventually, that changes as we lose the cravings that come with being an alcoholic.

Anna

I agree, just be patient and see what happens. And, you might want to check out AlAnon as a support for yourself.

GeminiEye

Thank You "D"...i know what you're saying!!! A lot has changed between us in 20 years...but my love for him remains!!! Needless to say I pray for the good change...and and grateful for this learning experience!! Thanks for responding and know that I appreciate your kind...but honest words!!
And "Hope"...yes I do drink a few...but I wouldn't around him!!! NO WAY!!! Im willing to give my everything to help him...and if that includes my drinks as well...then so be it!!! No need to ask...becauase its given!!"
And "Anna"....not only is patience needed...but strength for me when he is weak!! THAT is what i ask for!!!
To all of you...stay strong!!! God wont give you anything you can't handle!!! =)