ryanriley

Lost my license again, after multiple duis, 42 years old cant drive my kids anywhere, looking at significant jail time, divorce, bankruptcy, my kids are ashamed of me. I feel like Im loosing my mind. Like I will never get through this. I had just gone through a 2 yr license suspension. After 2 months of getting it back, I went out drank and drove, and you know how that ended. It is like I dont think of how much trouble I have been in before. I forget everything so easily. I am back to going to meetings now. But I sit here and wonder. Can I go through all of this again, and for what. Im lost, scared, and dont know what to do with myself. I am so full of shame and guilt it is unbearable. Please help

Michael66

Hi Ryan

You are in a tough spot, but you obviously have to start from where you are. That doesn't mean though that you can't move in the right direction right now - and in time, with patience, you will be in a much better place.

Please just keep walking (albeit slowly) in the right direction. Life will get better. You still have to go through the consequences of your earlier drinking, but from today you can start to build the better future so that today's not drinking will reward you in the future, just as drinking in the past is hitting you negatively today.

God bless +

doggonecarl

When you say you can't go through this again, do you mean another attempt at recovery?

Good that you are going back to meetings. In an earlier post you said you bounced in and out of meetings. Well, you know what non-committment to AA brought you? Drinking, DUIs and misery. And lot's of despair, which only keeps you ensnared to the bottle.

Put as much effort into rebuilding your life as you've put into tearing it down and you will succeed.

suki44883

Have you sought out a sponsor and worked the steps? The program of AA is in the steps, not the meetings. You will probably have to be willing to do things you haven't done so far if you want a different outcome. Like carl said...Put as much effort into rebulding your life as you did in tearing it down. We can provide support, but we can't do it for you. You can do this.

Anna

You are clearly in a difficult spot, but the only thing that makes sense for you to do, is to stay sober. Things will gradually improve if you focus on your recovery.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear of your troubles. I can understand how you would feel lost and scared, but to me it seems pretty obvious what you should do with yourself - Stop drinking. That sounds simple of course, but it's not always the case.

I think returning to meetings is a great idea, perhaps you should put a little more effort in to making sure you do so on a regular basis. The only way you will ever be able to free yourself from the grief, shame and troubles of drinking is to make a committment to yourself to follow your recovery plan. AA works wonderfully, and so do other recovery methods - but only if you let them and commit 100% to them.

Like many others here, I bounced back and forth and finally decided enough is enough. I decided I wanted sobriety more than drinking, and that i'd do anything it took to stay sober. Hopefully you can find motivation to do the same, best of luck.

2granddaughters

I know the pain that we have to face to become teachable. The speaker at our open meeting last night described it well. The Big Book describes it well .... where ending it all looks like our best/only option. I was there in 1989.

I hope you are at the point where you are willing to surrender because, believe it or not, if you don't things will get worse. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically.

I know that you know that I know I'm right. Please, let us help you in AA.

I'm right across Lake Erie from you near Point Pelee. You have great AA in Cleveland. The first speaker I heard was from Cleveland.

Surrender to AA and let it rebuild you. It has done more for me than I could imagine.

My recovery began in a recovery home in Windsor, across from Detroit. I sat in their driveway with a gun to my head and decided to go in because I had nothing to lose. I had to come to the point where I had nothing to lose.

Please choose to go into the local AA meeting. Your life will begin to change for the better too.

All the best.

Bob R

Elisabeth888

You can go through it. You have to take it one day at a time. You need to get a sponsor NOW. Hang on to AA for dear life.

Zebra1275

Get back to AA and work the program like your life depends upon it, because it just might.

FeenixxRising

You can go through it again. It won't be easy, and you have a long road, but you can make it out the other side. For now, take it one step at a time. Find something good to hang onto each day. With time and soberity, you will earn back the respect of your kids and family. Focus on that.

Dee74

what have you decided to do for you recovery today Ryan?

D

instant

I hope you become be a man your kids can be proud of.

SoberForMySon

I'm sorry for your troubles! You're in the right place. Keep reaching out!

least

The sooner you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start working on staying sober, the better off you'll be.

SeekSobriety

Firstly, I am sorry that you are having such a rough time.
I believe that Alchohlism is a disease, obviously what you did does not make "Sense" but there is a way out of the spiral of destruction. There are many options of recovery out there. But I can say, AA and the 12 steps of recovery have helped keep me sober for over 4.5 years.

One thing I have learned is that "It could always be worse"
This could be your final chance to shape up, as you well know many DUI's end in people dying. If you are ready to do everything it takes to get and stay sober, there are tons of People ready and willing to walk you through the steps to recovery, there are lots of resources and options available to you.
My advice would be to get into a serious program of detox and recovery and do whatever is expected of you. Over time you will hopefully be able to work towards repairing the relationships and damage your drinking may have caused you and others.
Just my two cents.

I would STRONGLY urge you to read or re-read the "Big Book" of AA.
Available on line as a free pdf. Big Book On Line

Start with the "Doctors" Opinion.