Major Stress
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
Major Stress
Yesterday I was told to "prepare for a layoff". It was made clear that I'm on the list after working at a company for 15 years. I'm in my early 50s and finding a job in my industry (software) is very unlikely. I'm almost 10 weeks sober and this is going to be a huge test of my ability to remain sober. I'm trying to stay upbeat and look at it like an adventure but my mind keeps wandering to escaping. has anyone else faced something similar in early recovery? How did you deal with it?
Thank you. I don't know what I'd do if this community wasn't here.
Thank you. I don't know what I'd do if this community wasn't here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 136
I'm going through some major life/career changes as well. It's helped me to take a deep breath and not take life so seriously, screwups can and will happen. The most important thing is health.
For a while there though I was just constant state of panic and like the world is ending.. then I see the only problem out of my immediate control is money and that comes and goes
edit: Also I've had my longest periods of sobriety when not having a job to go to every day.. maybe consider chilling out for a bit
For a while there though I was just constant state of panic and like the world is ending.. then I see the only problem out of my immediate control is money and that comes and goes
edit: Also I've had my longest periods of sobriety when not having a job to go to every day.. maybe consider chilling out for a bit
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Hi Bruce,
I'm sorry that this is happening to you.
I went through a traumatic experience at my 4th month in recovery and it went on for a few months. At times, it felt like a cruel cosmic joke, but I began to realize that it was a gift. I knew that if I could get through this, I could get through anything.
I'm sorry that this is happening to you.
I went through a traumatic experience at my 4th month in recovery and it went on for a few months. At times, it felt like a cruel cosmic joke, but I began to realize that it was a gift. I knew that if I could get through this, I could get through anything.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
Thank you everyone for the good thoughts and advice. Health first, everything is secondary. I've just got to pull myself together and keep focused on my sobriety. If I'm sober my ability to find work will be greater than if I look hung over and/or can't stop twitching. Honestly stress in the job I'm leaving was horrific.
Again, I am *so* happy this site is here!
Again, I am *so* happy this site is here!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I was facing a similar stress at two and a half years sober. My wife wasn't working, I was the sole breadwinner and I didn't know if the contract that employed almost the entire office here would be renewed. So yes, I can imagine what you are going through. It's tough.
Oddly enough it wasn't looming unemployment that almost sent me scurrying to the bottle. It was rage over one of my dog's accidents in the house. But it was the straw, so to speak, that almost broke my back.
So watch out. Stress is cumulative.
Oddly enough it wasn't looming unemployment that almost sent me scurrying to the bottle. It was rage over one of my dog's accidents in the house. But it was the straw, so to speak, that almost broke my back.
So watch out. Stress is cumulative.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
I completely understand. I am at a little over 11 weeks sober and my mother told me last week that she has to have some "tests run" (biopsy). MAJOR stress ever since. I am freaking and I do want to drink here and there. I ask myself when the thoughts to drink are there "how will a drink make this better... IN THE LONG RUN?" I know and you know it wont.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
Originally Posted by jkb 
I completely understand. my mother told me last week that she has to have some "tests run" (biopsy)
Again, thank you everyone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Hi Bruce -
That's rough.
In preparation - How are your support systems? This might be a good time to take inventory of your 'go to' people and places. Similarly, making a plan for the various scenarios you anticipate may happen will help (then when they happen, doing becomes automatic), EX: making plans to meet someone when you leave your office for the last time.
On the positive side - MA has great unemployment benefits - highest in the country. You may also qualify for retraining benefits to transition to another industry. You also get the gift of time to focus on strengthening recovery & economy is improving.
Sending warm thoughts.
That's rough.
In preparation - How are your support systems? This might be a good time to take inventory of your 'go to' people and places. Similarly, making a plan for the various scenarios you anticipate may happen will help (then when they happen, doing becomes automatic), EX: making plans to meet someone when you leave your office for the last time.
On the positive side - MA has great unemployment benefits - highest in the country. You may also qualify for retraining benefits to transition to another industry. You also get the gift of time to focus on strengthening recovery & economy is improving.
Sending warm thoughts.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Hello Bruce,
Sorry to hear you are in this situation, but remember when one door closes another opens, especially if your present job is stressful. I think there is much wisdom in the replies in this link. Sobriety is your #1 priority, everything else will come around. I think SE above shared very good information by making sure of your support systems. I just dropped the ball on 9 months sober by reaching for a bottle instead of picking up a phone. I am a bit older, going through huge changes at work, a close family member just diagnosed with cancer, and help to care for an elderly father who is in a lot of pain. I have been in an abusive relationship (treated like garbage) and finally "snapped" because of some things that were done and said to me by that partner. That was after 9 months sober. It caught me by surprise, and all of the old drives to drink came back. Secure those support systems and your "go to" people. I agree with d-carl above-Stress is cumulative. It sure caught me off guard.
Treat yourself well, and you will come out on top.
Thank You for your post, wishing you the very best!
Sorry to hear you are in this situation, but remember when one door closes another opens, especially if your present job is stressful. I think there is much wisdom in the replies in this link. Sobriety is your #1 priority, everything else will come around. I think SE above shared very good information by making sure of your support systems. I just dropped the ball on 9 months sober by reaching for a bottle instead of picking up a phone. I am a bit older, going through huge changes at work, a close family member just diagnosed with cancer, and help to care for an elderly father who is in a lot of pain. I have been in an abusive relationship (treated like garbage) and finally "snapped" because of some things that were done and said to me by that partner. That was after 9 months sober. It caught me by surprise, and all of the old drives to drink came back. Secure those support systems and your "go to" people. I agree with d-carl above-Stress is cumulative. It sure caught me off guard.
Treat yourself well, and you will come out on top.
Thank You for your post, wishing you the very best!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I've been going through major cutbacks /mergers at work since January 2012...very stressful, upsetting, i've been a state govt. Employee for 27 years...i'm too young to retire, but apparently i'm not to old to adapt, i've changed the way i think about my job to protect myself, my sobriety and my sanity...you have some notice to get yourself prepared. Think outside the box, explore your options...and try to find a healthy outlet to deal with the stress.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
In the first few months of recovery I went through major abdominal surgery, lay off, and my spouse of 25 yrs said he was divorcing me.
it wasn't pretty.
I lost pretty much everything. But I kept working recovery. Why the heck not? Staying wasted wasn't going to fix anything. Gave into fear a few times, but have learned I can live through just about anything and live sober as well.
You are not alone. Life may change majorly, we are shockingly adaptive.
it wasn't pretty.
I lost pretty much everything. But I kept working recovery. Why the heck not? Staying wasted wasn't going to fix anything. Gave into fear a few times, but have learned I can live through just about anything and live sober as well.
You are not alone. Life may change majorly, we are shockingly adaptive.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Thank You for your post Fandy,
I was drawn to this thread because what Bruce is going through. I am also to young to retire, although many of my friends have done that in the past 12 months. I have had to adapt, and adapt, and often I feel to old to keep changing. That is very stressful. It got particularly so just a week ago, and the culmination was from absolutely no support from my gf of 4 years. She actually had two drinks in front of me when we were out with friends the night before. It all came to a head that evening, and next morning and I ended 9 months sober by reaching for a bottle, and staying drunk for 5 days. The good news is, I am sober, and she is out of my life. I can deal with all of the work changes, and everything else going on. I cannot take her abusive treatment anymore. I feel like a huge weight was lifted off of me, breaking ties to her. I need to guard my sobriety at all costs.
Thanks for your post.
I was drawn to this thread because what Bruce is going through. I am also to young to retire, although many of my friends have done that in the past 12 months. I have had to adapt, and adapt, and often I feel to old to keep changing. That is very stressful. It got particularly so just a week ago, and the culmination was from absolutely no support from my gf of 4 years. She actually had two drinks in front of me when we were out with friends the night before. It all came to a head that evening, and next morning and I ended 9 months sober by reaching for a bottle, and staying drunk for 5 days. The good news is, I am sober, and she is out of my life. I can deal with all of the work changes, and everything else going on. I cannot take her abusive treatment anymore. I feel like a huge weight was lifted off of me, breaking ties to her. I need to guard my sobriety at all costs.
Thanks for your post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
Again, thank you everyone for your kind words and sound advice. Once I took stock of my situation I felt a bit like a spoiled child. I have a wonderful wife with a great job who keeps telling me that leaving my job is a God sent. Overall, we're in great shape and it's not like we're going to "lose everything". I guess it's my brain, once again, saying it's all about me. While I look for work I'm going to take as much time as I can to be with those whom I love and who love me. If I'm drinking/drugging and feeling sorry for myself I'm going to miss this phase of my life and it could quickly turn into a train wreck.
Again, thank you. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have the benefit of your kindness and wisdom. Seriously.
Again, thank you. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have the benefit of your kindness and wisdom. Seriously.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 53
Bruce,
You don't have a crystal ball and don't know how things will fall. I have a friend from work that got laid off (really fired because she wasn't liked by the right people). It was horrible at the time. She got a job with one of our customers. Better pay, better benefits, better people. Now, in hindsight she says it is the best thing that happened to her. And we are well over 50. Not saying this will happen, but leave open the possibility. If you start drinking again, you might close that door of opportunity. Good Luck to you!
You don't have a crystal ball and don't know how things will fall. I have a friend from work that got laid off (really fired because she wasn't liked by the right people). It was horrible at the time. She got a job with one of our customers. Better pay, better benefits, better people. Now, in hindsight she says it is the best thing that happened to her. And we are well over 50. Not saying this will happen, but leave open the possibility. If you start drinking again, you might close that door of opportunity. Good Luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I was not sober when it happened but I lost the job I had for over 17 years so I know that feeling. I was resentful for quite some time.
I was out of work for a little over a year. I found a new job in the same industry, so that was a plus, it made it easier than starting from scratch. I make less money, I have shorter lunch breaks, I am hourly instead of salary blah blah
I am grateful to have a job as there are many still without one. I am grateful my kids were raised and almost on there own when it happened. I am grateful that although I have less money, I have what I need.
Sobriety taught me to be grateful for what I have and not resentful for what I lost.
I was out of work for a little over a year. I found a new job in the same industry, so that was a plus, it made it easier than starting from scratch. I make less money, I have shorter lunch breaks, I am hourly instead of salary blah blah
I am grateful to have a job as there are many still without one. I am grateful my kids were raised and almost on there own when it happened. I am grateful that although I have less money, I have what I need.
Sobriety taught me to be grateful for what I have and not resentful for what I lost.
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