Inhale, exhale
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Inhale, exhale
Yes, I am still a bit tender from last week's harsh words, but tonight I am more mama than hurting. Nothing harsh or hard tonight. My RADD came for dinner and a goodbye. She was lucid, loving, gentle--the girl who I have missed so much these past few years, past few weeks...
My dear husband drove them just now back to their camp. They leave tomorrow for their trip down the highway, four states away. If I even get near my youngest (15), I feel I might start sobbing. We hugged when she left the house, but have now retreated, each to her own space. She's listening to sad indie music and cleaning her room. I am thinking of all the folks I "know" here who would understand where I am---this most wrenching feeling of deep love, deep loss, and hope, all bundled together in the pit of my heart.
Thanks for reading this.
My dear husband drove them just now back to their camp. They leave tomorrow for their trip down the highway, four states away. If I even get near my youngest (15), I feel I might start sobbing. We hugged when she left the house, but have now retreated, each to her own space. She's listening to sad indie music and cleaning her room. I am thinking of all the folks I "know" here who would understand where I am---this most wrenching feeling of deep love, deep loss, and hope, all bundled together in the pit of my heart.
Thanks for reading this.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
((((GardenMama))))
She is in God's hand now. I know it's hard but you can trust HIM.
P.S. Moving away was the best thing that ever happened to RA Godchild. It started out a little rocky but she is in amazing place in her life right now!
She is in God's hand now. I know it's hard but you can trust HIM.
P.S. Moving away was the best thing that ever happened to RA Godchild. It started out a little rocky but she is in amazing place in her life right now!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear GM, I do understand and there is no greater pain than Mama's love and concern for our children. Your HP has kept your loving daughter safe and will continue to do so. Take time to love your younger daughter and be close and enjoy the moments you have with her. Sending you a big Posse hug and good thoughts for your daughter. Keep in mind at this young age, they are very very adaptable and what would seem atrocious to us is quite acceptable to their young spirits (in terms of living conditions and food, etc).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Awwww GM......I do understand how your heart is hurting. I wish I could deliver a gentle hug in person to you right now. I have felt that soul consuming love and concern for my son. It's simply overwhelming.
Your dear daughter is on a journey. You never know who she may come in contact with on that journey who may have a greater impact on her than you could ever imagine. I'll keep her in my prayers.
Take care of you.
gentlest of hugs
ke
Your dear daughter is on a journey. You never know who she may come in contact with on that journey who may have a greater impact on her than you could ever imagine. I'll keep her in my prayers.
Take care of you.
gentlest of hugs
ke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am thinking of all the folks I "know" here who would understand where I am---this most wrenching feeling of deep love, deep loss, and hope, all bundled together in the pit of my heart.
Warm hugs from this mama's heart to yours.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Garden mama....sending you a big hug right now. My son lives four states away so I can totally relate. Sometimes I question whether it's a blessing or a curse. I know I don't want a front row seat to his active addiction but it does feel like an unrescuable (is that a word?!) distance at times. We do need to hand this over and trust there is a bigger plan. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being protected by distance...that the sheer pain of visually seeing the destruction would be too much to bear. Other times I believe his higher power made this part of the plan to protect him from my need of trying to fix him. This may ultimately help your daughter find herself a lot more quickly. Such a tough spot to be in....I'm thinking of you and your daughter and wishing you both strength and love.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Thanks to each and every one of you. Your loving words and prayers are a balm to my heart. I will reading and reread them as long as I need to.
Today, I am up and down. Calm, happy, then crying. Wondering where they are, upset they decided to leave their tent at my house (so they have no shelter!), watching the weather...then I am in my garden trying hard to not think about any of it.
My youngest is fragile and I am keeping her close. She had a teary breakdown this morning about what to wear to do yard work (!), and says she feels like she's coming out of her skin...It's anxiety, I know. Lots more hugs than the usual abundance for her these past few days. There's always this kind of reaction when her sister leaves.
Rain stopped. Heading back outside. With much gratitude.
Today, I am up and down. Calm, happy, then crying. Wondering where they are, upset they decided to leave their tent at my house (so they have no shelter!), watching the weather...then I am in my garden trying hard to not think about any of it.
My youngest is fragile and I am keeping her close. She had a teary breakdown this morning about what to wear to do yard work (!), and says she feels like she's coming out of her skin...It's anxiety, I know. Lots more hugs than the usual abundance for her these past few days. There's always this kind of reaction when her sister leaves.
Rain stopped. Heading back outside. With much gratitude.
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