Dry drunks??
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
It comes up a lot.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...runk-what.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dry-drunk.html
my answers still the same
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...runk-what.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dry-drunk.html
my answers still the same
Originally Posted by Dee74 
It's confusing because there's a number of competing definitions - all of which I'm sure you'll find here LOL.
Wikipedia has
It's not a term I use.
D
Wikipedia has
Dry drunk is a colloquial expression which describes an alcoholic who no longer drinks but maintains the same behavior patterns of an alcoholic. ...
D
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
Someone who had given up drinking but hasn't worked on their recovery. So they still display alot of the same behaviours they would have when drinking. They may white knuckle alot, be very angry and not willing to work on it, let negative behaviours and emotions stay in their lives.
That's my take on it.
That's my take on it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 115
Thanks for the explanation..... I guess I was a dry drunk and didn't even know it, because MLC described me to a tee. But things are different for me now. I've changed my lifestyle this time around.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Talana
Thanks for the explanation..... I guess I was a dry drunk and didn't even know it, because MLC described me to a tee. But things are different for me now. I've changed my lifestyle this time around.
yup, buggered me up and i had a resentment towards that man, until a rough day where nothin was goin right and i said,"screw it, im gettina 12 pack."
the only thing that saved me was takin a shower before headin to the store. it was enough time to think it through and see the insanity. i stopped doin everything but goin to meetings. no other footwork.
itwas a great lesson though.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
I don't like using the term. I'd never tell anyone they were a dry drunk. I might tell them they needed to start working on their recovery as much as they did on their drinking though.
Natom.
Natom.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Some individuals who quit alcohol are quite abrasive in the way they deal with others. They might be angry, intolerant, insulting or otherwise very difficult to be around in any number of ways. They may or may not have had all of these same negative characteristics when they were drinking. Typically alcohol helped them to in some way deal with the negative emotions that produced these problematic behaviors.
The term ‘dry drunk’ is sometimes used pejoratively, as is sometimes the case when someone is “talking down” to someone or referring to someone in a dismissive fashion. This is of course wrong.
I have, however, heard the term used compassionately in order to point out a general pattern of behavior that is problematic. I am of the belief that when used skillfully, and with the correct intentions, that it can have its place. However, it is not a term that should be used without great care.
The term ‘dry drunk’ is sometimes used pejoratively, as is sometimes the case when someone is “talking down” to someone or referring to someone in a dismissive fashion. This is of course wrong.
I have, however, heard the term used compassionately in order to point out a general pattern of behavior that is problematic. I am of the belief that when used skillfully, and with the correct intentions, that it can have its place. However, it is not a term that should be used without great care.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
If I don't have something to replace the chunk of my life that alcohol & drugs used to take up, there's a lot missing. This is where a recovery program comes in.....I use AA, but there are a few others that people on this site use, too. If I'm not actively doing something along these lines, that hole in my life starts getting more gravity & I get closer to picking up again.
This is when I am being a "dry drunk."
This is when I am being a "dry drunk."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I personally find the term offensive. It feels as if it's an attempt to minimize my sobriety, while at the same time establishing some sort of "superiority" within recovery methods. Like Natom, I would never call someone a " dry drunk".
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 183
I feel similarly about using the term "drunk" to describe problem drinkers, past or present, as I do about women calling each other "b**ches": I don't. In the end, I feel these are pejorative words and don't prefer to use them. I think calling someone a drunk hits too close to the intrinsic value of a person, rather than focusing on habits and behaviors.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's simply a phrase, and it has as many definitions as people choose to associate with it. Just as you can define "alcoholic" or "drinking problem" in a multitude of was.
For the most part, though, it's utterly irrelevant. If you have a problem with alcohol, you should focus on not drinking and recovery, not labels and semantics. Certainly you will meet people that have different views, but just like they say about AA meetings - "take what you need and leave the rest". That can apply to any situation in life.
For the most part, though, it's utterly irrelevant. If you have a problem with alcohol, you should focus on not drinking and recovery, not labels and semantics. Certainly you will meet people that have different views, but just like they say about AA meetings - "take what you need and leave the rest". That can apply to any situation in life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
I dunno, being a drunk, or an alcoholic is being labelled enough. If you choose to give up, or give up for any other reason is great... but when you have given up... being re-labelled as a 'dry-drunk' is like calling a recently obese person who has lost a lot of weight, a fat person in a thinner body (like a time bomb) I don't agree with that saying at all, sorry.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Land of the free, Home of the Brave
Posts: 158
Totally agree with Zee.. I do not use the term at all. It sounds offensive and people who I have heard use that term in reference to alcoholics that don't drink but don't do all the things they do in recovery..it seems condescending . Whatever not drinking looks like and what works for each person is what matters
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Labels don't bother me if they fit. I am an alcoholic and I was a drunk. I stayed at some level of drunkenness most of my waking hours when I drank. I was also a "dry drunk" for a period of time before I became "wet" again. I stopped doing everything that kept me sober and happy for 5 years but I managed to go 2 more years white knuckling it before I drunk. I became miserable and was probably more unbearable to be around like that than when I was drinking. I know some people that leave off the "drunk" part and just call the person dry to be less harsh. To me dry is when you remove the alcohol but don't fix any of the problems...sober is when you remove the alcohol and fix the problems.
You can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you've still got a fruit cake.
You can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you've still got a fruit cake.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Here's AA's take on the term:
Dry Drunk
Most people who have experienced a dry drunk reach this point from not going to A.A meetings.
Go to meetings, (lots of meetings) Get a sponsor, and get involved in A.A
Sobriety will necessarily have its ups and downs, its good times and its bad times, if only because we live in a world which we are inseparably joined. One doesn't always sustain sobriety at the same level. There are fluctuations, shocks and setbacks which, when addressed within the context of the A.A. program, so not in themselves imperil the totality of one's sobriety.
The Dry Drunk Syndrome is a term that should not be used as a catch-all when one has a bad day or a bump in life throws us for a while. Those are ups and downs that everyone experiences and shouldn't be labeled to be anything more than what they truly are. The Dry Drunk is a condition far more serious than the highs and lows of our day-to-day existence.
The phrase "dry drunk" has two significant words for the alcoholic. "Dry" refers to the abstinence from drinking, whereas "drunk" signifies a deeply pathological condition resulting from the use of alcohol in the past. Taken together these words suggest intoxication without alcohol. Since intoxication comes from the Greek word for poison, "dry drunk" implies a state of mind and a mode of behavior that are poisonous to the alcoholic's well being.
OBVIOUS TRAITS Persons experiencing a full-blown DRY DRUNK are, for that period, removed from the world of sobriety; they fail, for whatever reason, to accept the necessary conditions for sober living. Their mental and emotional homes are chaotic, their approach to everyday living is unrealistic, and their behavior, both verbal and physical, is unacceptable.
This lack of sober realism manifests itself in many ways.
1. Grandiosity, put very simply, is an exaggeration of one's own importance. This can be demonstrated either in terms of one's strengths or weaknesses. In either case it is blatantly self- seeking or self-serving, putting oneself at the center of attention, from the "big me" who has ask the answers to the "poor me" whose cup of self-pity runneth over and wants all of our attention.
2. Judgmentalism is mutually related to grandiosity. It means that the alcoholic is prone to make value judgments - strikingly inappropriate evaluations - usually in terms of "goodness" or "badness".
3. Intolerance leaves no room for delaying the gratification of personal desires. This is accomplished by gross confusion of priorities with the result that a mere whim or passing fancy is mistakenly given more importance than genuine personal needs.
4. Impulsivity is the result of intolerance or the lack of ability to delay gratification of personal desires. Impulsivity describes behavior which is heedless of the ultimate consequence for self or others.
5. Indecisiveness is related to impulsitivity in the sense that while the latter takes no realistic account of the consequences of the actions, the former precludes effective action altogether. Indecisiveness stems from an unrealistic exaggeration of the negative possibilities of the action ; so one wavers between two or more possible courses of action, more times than not- nothing gets done.
These conditions, grandiosity, judgmentalism, intolerance ,impulsivity, and indecisiveness taken separately or together can lead to the following: a) Mood swings, which are unrelated to the circumstances to which one tries to link them. Alcoholics zero in on what they want others to think is the cause of the mood swing, when it isn't that at all. More often than not it is something much deeper than the reason given. Inversely it can also be something totally insignificant with no substance at all (e.g. the sugar is too sweet or the donut is too round). Any excuse will do. b) Unable to demonstrate emotions freely, naturally and without constraint. No emotional spontaneity, no genuine spark. c) Introspection. A very healthy thing to do is difficult if not impossible for the "dry drunk". It means to look inward to one's examining each thought and desire, which is linked directly to one's attitude. d) Detachment. Become aloof, display indifference, don't care one way or the other, no special likes or dislikes, they withdraw. e) Self-absorption- with a tendency to call attention to whatever they have attained. Narcissism which is quite simply self-love. They become pompous asses. f) The inability to appreciate or enjoy themselves - nothing satisfies. g) Evidence of disorganization, is easily distracted, complains of boredom, and nothing seems to fit. h) A nostalgia sets in, a kind of wistful yearning for something of the past, such as freedom from care associated (falsely) with drinking, bars, drinking associates, and friends; the music, blue lights, and tinkle of the ice cubes in a glass in the neighborhood saloon. i) There can be a kind of romanticism, which includes unrealistic valuations of lifestyles and character traits which can be and usually are objectively dangerous to one's sobriety. j) Escapism. Fantasizing, daydreaming, and wishful thinking are very much in evidence in the dry drunk syndrome as the individual slips farther and farther from reality.
Since the abnormality of the alcoholic's attitudes and behavior during the drinking career is generally recognized, the persistence or these character traits after stopping drinking (or the reappearance after an interlude of sobriety) is equally abnormal.
The term "dry drunk" therefore denotes the absences of favorable change in the attitudes and behavior of the alcoholic who is not drinking, or the reversion of these by the alcoholic who has experienced a period of successful sobriety. From these conditions, it is to be inferred that the alcoholic is experiencing discomfort in life.
The self-destructive attitudes and behavior of the dry drunk alcoholic are different in degree but not in kind. The alcoholic, when drinking, has learned to rely on a deeply inadequate, radically immature approach to solving life's problems. And this is exactly what one sees in the dry drunk.
ANALYSIS OF DRY DRUNK BEHAVIOR The alcoholic who rationalizes their own irresponsible behavior are also likely to find fault in the attitudes and behavior of others. Although not denying their own shortcomings, they attempt to escape notice by cataloging in great detail the transgressions of others.
The classic maneuver of the dry drunk is over-reaction. The alcoholic may attach a seemingly disproportionate intensity of feeling to an ordinary insignificant event or mishap.
Some alcoholics who experience the dry drunk seem to know all the answers, are seldom at a loss for words when it comes to self-diagnosis. Their knowledge is quite impressive, their apparent insight, as opposed to genuine insight, is convincing.
CORRECTIVE MEASURES: #1 Go To Meeting. Those undergoing a dry drunk lead impoverished lives. They experience severe limitations to grow,, to mature, and benefit from the possibilities that life offers. They lack the freshness and spontaneity that genuinely sober alcoholics manifest. Their life is a closed system, attitudes and behaviors are stereotyped, repetitive, and consequently predictable.
Alcoholics learn early that humility and a power greater than them- selves are the bedrock for a genuine and productive sobriety. An unusual measure of self-discipline must accompany the ego deflation process. Needed is self-discipline in honesty, patience and responsibility towards the recovery process [and acceptance of their disease]. [To improve long term goals of sobriety be aware of mental stressors, get more involved in the recovery program, get active in the 12 steps, get and use a sponsor, talk things out.] Hopefully. they will begin to appreciate the ironic folly of those alcoholics who think life has suddenly become manageable again; whose sanity is beyond question; who see no need of turning their lives over to a power greater then them- selves; who find personal inventories unnecessary since they are seldom in the wrong and are no longer subject to the embarrassing need of repairing the wrongs they have done.
When dry drunk alcoholics awaken to this irony that they, still unmanageable, still powerless, are the ones who have made this remarkable "recovery," they may feel sufficiently mortified to want to change.
Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc. Alcoholics Anonymous
Website owned by a Friend of Bill W. World Hosting Corporation
Dry Drunk
Most people who have experienced a dry drunk reach this point from not going to A.A meetings.
Go to meetings, (lots of meetings) Get a sponsor, and get involved in A.A
Sobriety will necessarily have its ups and downs, its good times and its bad times, if only because we live in a world which we are inseparably joined. One doesn't always sustain sobriety at the same level. There are fluctuations, shocks and setbacks which, when addressed within the context of the A.A. program, so not in themselves imperil the totality of one's sobriety.
The Dry Drunk Syndrome is a term that should not be used as a catch-all when one has a bad day or a bump in life throws us for a while. Those are ups and downs that everyone experiences and shouldn't be labeled to be anything more than what they truly are. The Dry Drunk is a condition far more serious than the highs and lows of our day-to-day existence.
The phrase "dry drunk" has two significant words for the alcoholic. "Dry" refers to the abstinence from drinking, whereas "drunk" signifies a deeply pathological condition resulting from the use of alcohol in the past. Taken together these words suggest intoxication without alcohol. Since intoxication comes from the Greek word for poison, "dry drunk" implies a state of mind and a mode of behavior that are poisonous to the alcoholic's well being.
OBVIOUS TRAITS Persons experiencing a full-blown DRY DRUNK are, for that period, removed from the world of sobriety; they fail, for whatever reason, to accept the necessary conditions for sober living. Their mental and emotional homes are chaotic, their approach to everyday living is unrealistic, and their behavior, both verbal and physical, is unacceptable.
This lack of sober realism manifests itself in many ways.
1. Grandiosity, put very simply, is an exaggeration of one's own importance. This can be demonstrated either in terms of one's strengths or weaknesses. In either case it is blatantly self- seeking or self-serving, putting oneself at the center of attention, from the "big me" who has ask the answers to the "poor me" whose cup of self-pity runneth over and wants all of our attention.
2. Judgmentalism is mutually related to grandiosity. It means that the alcoholic is prone to make value judgments - strikingly inappropriate evaluations - usually in terms of "goodness" or "badness".
3. Intolerance leaves no room for delaying the gratification of personal desires. This is accomplished by gross confusion of priorities with the result that a mere whim or passing fancy is mistakenly given more importance than genuine personal needs.
4. Impulsivity is the result of intolerance or the lack of ability to delay gratification of personal desires. Impulsivity describes behavior which is heedless of the ultimate consequence for self or others.
5. Indecisiveness is related to impulsitivity in the sense that while the latter takes no realistic account of the consequences of the actions, the former precludes effective action altogether. Indecisiveness stems from an unrealistic exaggeration of the negative possibilities of the action ; so one wavers between two or more possible courses of action, more times than not- nothing gets done.
These conditions, grandiosity, judgmentalism, intolerance ,impulsivity, and indecisiveness taken separately or together can lead to the following: a) Mood swings, which are unrelated to the circumstances to which one tries to link them. Alcoholics zero in on what they want others to think is the cause of the mood swing, when it isn't that at all. More often than not it is something much deeper than the reason given. Inversely it can also be something totally insignificant with no substance at all (e.g. the sugar is too sweet or the donut is too round). Any excuse will do. b) Unable to demonstrate emotions freely, naturally and without constraint. No emotional spontaneity, no genuine spark. c) Introspection. A very healthy thing to do is difficult if not impossible for the "dry drunk". It means to look inward to one's examining each thought and desire, which is linked directly to one's attitude. d) Detachment. Become aloof, display indifference, don't care one way or the other, no special likes or dislikes, they withdraw. e) Self-absorption- with a tendency to call attention to whatever they have attained. Narcissism which is quite simply self-love. They become pompous asses. f) The inability to appreciate or enjoy themselves - nothing satisfies. g) Evidence of disorganization, is easily distracted, complains of boredom, and nothing seems to fit. h) A nostalgia sets in, a kind of wistful yearning for something of the past, such as freedom from care associated (falsely) with drinking, bars, drinking associates, and friends; the music, blue lights, and tinkle of the ice cubes in a glass in the neighborhood saloon. i) There can be a kind of romanticism, which includes unrealistic valuations of lifestyles and character traits which can be and usually are objectively dangerous to one's sobriety. j) Escapism. Fantasizing, daydreaming, and wishful thinking are very much in evidence in the dry drunk syndrome as the individual slips farther and farther from reality.
Since the abnormality of the alcoholic's attitudes and behavior during the drinking career is generally recognized, the persistence or these character traits after stopping drinking (or the reappearance after an interlude of sobriety) is equally abnormal.
The term "dry drunk" therefore denotes the absences of favorable change in the attitudes and behavior of the alcoholic who is not drinking, or the reversion of these by the alcoholic who has experienced a period of successful sobriety. From these conditions, it is to be inferred that the alcoholic is experiencing discomfort in life.
The self-destructive attitudes and behavior of the dry drunk alcoholic are different in degree but not in kind. The alcoholic, when drinking, has learned to rely on a deeply inadequate, radically immature approach to solving life's problems. And this is exactly what one sees in the dry drunk.
ANALYSIS OF DRY DRUNK BEHAVIOR The alcoholic who rationalizes their own irresponsible behavior are also likely to find fault in the attitudes and behavior of others. Although not denying their own shortcomings, they attempt to escape notice by cataloging in great detail the transgressions of others.
The classic maneuver of the dry drunk is over-reaction. The alcoholic may attach a seemingly disproportionate intensity of feeling to an ordinary insignificant event or mishap.
Some alcoholics who experience the dry drunk seem to know all the answers, are seldom at a loss for words when it comes to self-diagnosis. Their knowledge is quite impressive, their apparent insight, as opposed to genuine insight, is convincing.
CORRECTIVE MEASURES: #1 Go To Meeting. Those undergoing a dry drunk lead impoverished lives. They experience severe limitations to grow,, to mature, and benefit from the possibilities that life offers. They lack the freshness and spontaneity that genuinely sober alcoholics manifest. Their life is a closed system, attitudes and behaviors are stereotyped, repetitive, and consequently predictable.
Alcoholics learn early that humility and a power greater than them- selves are the bedrock for a genuine and productive sobriety. An unusual measure of self-discipline must accompany the ego deflation process. Needed is self-discipline in honesty, patience and responsibility towards the recovery process [and acceptance of their disease]. [To improve long term goals of sobriety be aware of mental stressors, get more involved in the recovery program, get active in the 12 steps, get and use a sponsor, talk things out.] Hopefully. they will begin to appreciate the ironic folly of those alcoholics who think life has suddenly become manageable again; whose sanity is beyond question; who see no need of turning their lives over to a power greater then them- selves; who find personal inventories unnecessary since they are seldom in the wrong and are no longer subject to the embarrassing need of repairing the wrongs they have done.
When dry drunk alcoholics awaken to this irony that they, still unmanageable, still powerless, are the ones who have made this remarkable "recovery," they may feel sufficiently mortified to want to change.
Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc. Alcoholics Anonymous
Website owned by a Friend of Bill W. World Hosting Corporation
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 37
I was called a dry drunk by AA members because I didn't join their way of thinking. I'm not religious and it felt like a Cult to me... so I was labeled a dry drunk. I felt guilty and actually started drinking many times because of it.
I stopped drinking on my own and now I don't mind the term and focus on my sobriety through AVRT and it has worked longer than any of the times I was guilted into AA meetings and steps and all that goes into worrying about a "higher" power... which I don't believe in.
AA members I know still call me a dry drunk but that's fine by me. I'm not drinking anymore... so yeah. I'm dry.
I stopped drinking on my own and now I don't mind the term and focus on my sobriety through AVRT and it has worked longer than any of the times I was guilted into AA meetings and steps and all that goes into worrying about a "higher" power... which I don't believe in.
AA members I know still call me a dry drunk but that's fine by me. I'm not drinking anymore... so yeah. I'm dry.
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