Do Addict Lie about everything?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 165
Do Addict Lie about everything?
someone on this site said to me...."how do you know an addict is lying....if his lips are moving."
i was hoping to get some clarification around this. i understand that addict lie about whether or not they are using....they lie about how they got the money to pay for drugs, how much they use...all of that....they lie about their drug problem.
but do addict lie about everything else. are they pathological liars when active in addiction? on topics other than their addiction?
why is this? just trying to understand the mind of an addict.
i was hoping to get some clarification around this. i understand that addict lie about whether or not they are using....they lie about how they got the money to pay for drugs, how much they use...all of that....they lie about their drug problem.
but do addict lie about everything else. are they pathological liars when active in addiction? on topics other than their addiction?
why is this? just trying to understand the mind of an addict.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
The lies an addict tells themselves are likely more numerous than the lies they tell others.
We codependents tend to share the same trait.
I do not care for lying and thus avoid people who use drugs.
We codependents tend to share the same trait.
I do not care for lying and thus avoid people who use drugs.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
Yes, I believe they lie about everything. My ex did anyway. They use lies to manipulate and justify their behavior - ALL of their behavior - even if it doesn't relate to drugs. Mine lied even when he was clean to justify why he wasn't a part of his daughters' lives. He would say he called them 'all the time and they don't answer'. When I asked him when he called or texted them last he would say today, yesterday, a week ago. I got the phone bills and I KNEW he was lying - his texts and calls would have shown up on our bills. He lied about the money he made, the money he spent, the work he did around the house, what he ate, who his friends were, his childhood - EVERYTHING. It becomes a way of life.
It took far too long for me to figure that one out, but now I know. And he hates the fact that I no longer trust him or believe in him - not enough to change though. He will simply find someone new who will believe his lies - for a while anyway.
So, yes, addicts lie about EVERYTHING. Yep...if their lips are moving.....
It took far too long for me to figure that one out, but now I know. And he hates the fact that I no longer trust him or believe in him - not enough to change though. He will simply find someone new who will believe his lies - for a while anyway.
So, yes, addicts lie about EVERYTHING. Yep...if their lips are moving.....
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Mrs. Hammer has had it Very Severe -- at least from my perspective -- since returning from rehab, almost 6 months ago. Different lies to different groups / people depending on topic and "reasons" -- whatever those may be.
She may have had it before, but I dug deep into Alanon while she was doing rehab and started cleaning myself up. So maybe it is just of more notice to me now, but even our kids have followed that "mom has a very creative imagination."
For a while, it was so bad, for a way to make it less stress to the kids, we started a 100 Lies in 100 Days list (sort of mocking the 90 meetings in 90 days), to put the lies on, like a God Box, so we did not have to deal with them.
Sometimes the lies are about real stuff, sometimes silly stuff. At points I am not even sure if she is not doing split personas, and not knowing what the other parts are saying.
Have watched her lie to me, the kids, her mom, her sponsor, her AA friends, on and on. Have been meaning to sort of ask her if there is anyone who she does not lie to. But I suppose there is no benefit to asking that, so I have not.
From my view, rehab took away her "Coping Mechanism" that used to sedate her and left her with not much than her brain running messed-up software.
She may have had it before, but I dug deep into Alanon while she was doing rehab and started cleaning myself up. So maybe it is just of more notice to me now, but even our kids have followed that "mom has a very creative imagination."
For a while, it was so bad, for a way to make it less stress to the kids, we started a 100 Lies in 100 Days list (sort of mocking the 90 meetings in 90 days), to put the lies on, like a God Box, so we did not have to deal with them.
Sometimes the lies are about real stuff, sometimes silly stuff. At points I am not even sure if she is not doing split personas, and not knowing what the other parts are saying.
Have watched her lie to me, the kids, her mom, her sponsor, her AA friends, on and on. Have been meaning to sort of ask her if there is anyone who she does not lie to. But I suppose there is no benefit to asking that, so I have not.
From my view, rehab took away her "Coping Mechanism" that used to sedate her and left her with not much than her brain running messed-up software.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I think when my husband was using he lied about it, he lied about money, where he was going, etc. Everything involved with keeping his addiction thriving involved lying.
However, when he is clean, working a strong recovery, I see a very honest man. Although, I am seeing other obsessive behaviors.....like his new found interest in laundry. lol
That said, I know if my husband ever relapses, he wouldn't sit down and tell me. He would lie and deny it until he was blue in the face. Even when he was ready to tell me the truth, it wouldn't be the whole truth and he even admits that.
Also, I have noticed that his memory is very messed up. One time, I hid some money and completely forgot about it. About 6 months later, my daughter and I found it. Till this day, my husband is convinced he found it. He actually says he remembers that day very well.
However, when he is clean, working a strong recovery, I see a very honest man. Although, I am seeing other obsessive behaviors.....like his new found interest in laundry. lol
That said, I know if my husband ever relapses, he wouldn't sit down and tell me. He would lie and deny it until he was blue in the face. Even when he was ready to tell me the truth, it wouldn't be the whole truth and he even admits that.
Also, I have noticed that his memory is very messed up. One time, I hid some money and completely forgot about it. About 6 months later, my daughter and I found it. Till this day, my husband is convinced he found it. He actually says he remembers that day very well.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Just trying to understand the mind of the addicts!? Oh, aren't we all! 
I think it just depends. Do they lie about everything? Who really knows? What I do know is that my addict lied to me, continued to lie and never did anything to make me trust him again. Therefore, I don't trust a word out of his mouth.
Since dealing with my addict, if I find out an adult has lied to me. I am done with that person. Wrong or right, I have no tolerance for it.
I want to be around people I can trust, and I want people to be able to trust me.
I think it just depends. Do they lie about everything? Who really knows? What I do know is that my addict lied to me, continued to lie and never did anything to make me trust him again. Therefore, I don't trust a word out of his mouth.
Since dealing with my addict, if I find out an adult has lied to me. I am done with that person. Wrong or right, I have no tolerance for it.
I want to be around people I can trust, and I want people to be able to trust me.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I recently read an article on how often the average person lies a day. I wish I could remember where I read it to post the link. Anyway, the number was higher then I would have thought.
Everyone lies! Today a solicitor called and I told her I was walking out the door and couldn't speak right now. That wasn't true. I should have nicely just told her I was not interested but I didn't. I can't even tell you why I didn't.
Everyone lies! Today a solicitor called and I told her I was walking out the door and couldn't speak right now. That wasn't true. I should have nicely just told her I was not interested but I didn't. I can't even tell you why I didn't.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 180
Just my experience, my ex lied about everything. Things that didn't even have to do with drugs. He just lied all the time. I've driven myself crazy trying to figure out if it were drugs that made him do it. Either way, I'm finally starting to get exhausted from the trying to figure it all out. Even off drugs, I think their brians become so accustomed to lying it becomes difficult to tell the truth and just as much of a way of life as the drugs were.
Sorry to sound so negative.
Sorry to sound so negative.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
He lied, but then so did I. He would tell of a relapse, would tell he was using. I got more truth not reacting and taking care of myself then I did when I was all nut job codie. But that has been my experience. What was really weird there was this point where I didn’t need him to give me answers anymore, but he needed to speak. He on any given day couldn’t remember what he did the day before but he somehow remembered the questions I had asked in my more sick moments. I would say but I don’t need to know anymore nor do I want to know and he would say but I have to share.
I find the fixation on the lies so interesting.
Lying it is learned behavior?
The lies are necessary at times to protect the addiction, but also in the head of the one lying at times they need to believe that lie as much as they need to one they are telling it too.
How many brought them lies knowing they were?
And can you see where the lies show a truth?
And at times does the truth mean a damn thing? This is where the taught to lie comes in, because if the reaction is going to be the same old same old chaos and accusations and you aren’t going to be believed why the hell just not use. I was taught to be a liar in some respect, it really didn’t matter what I said, the one reacting to me needed to react and was going to matter what I said. I learned it really wasn’t about me, I was just to easy a reason why….
I find the fixation on the lies so interesting.
Lying it is learned behavior?
The lies are necessary at times to protect the addiction, but also in the head of the one lying at times they need to believe that lie as much as they need to one they are telling it too.
How many brought them lies knowing they were?
And can you see where the lies show a truth?
And at times does the truth mean a damn thing? This is where the taught to lie comes in, because if the reaction is going to be the same old same old chaos and accusations and you aren’t going to be believed why the hell just not use. I was taught to be a liar in some respect, it really didn’t matter what I said, the one reacting to me needed to react and was going to matter what I said. I learned it really wasn’t about me, I was just to easy a reason why….
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by incitingsilence 
He lied, but then so did I. He would tell of a relapse, would tell he was using. I got more truth not reacting and taking care of myself then I did when I was all nut job codie. But that has been my experience. What was really weird there was this point where I didn’t need him to give me answers anymore, but he needed to speak. He on any given day couldn’t remember what he did the day before but he somehow remembered the questions I had asked in my more sick moments. I would say but I don’t need to know anymore nor do I want to know and he would say but I have to share.
I find the fixation on the lies so interesting.
Lying it is learned behavior?
The lies are necessary at times to protect the addiction, but also in the head of the one lying at times they need to believe that lie as much as they need to one they are telling it too.
How many brought them lies knowing they were?
And can you see where the lies show a truth?
And at times does the truth mean a damn thing? This is where the taught to lie comes in, because if the reaction is going to be the same old same old chaos and accusations and you aren’t going to be believed why the hell just not use. I was taught to be a liar in some respect, it really didn’t matter what I said, the one reacting to me needed to react and was going to matter what I said. I learned it really wasn’t about me, I was just to easy a reason why….
I find the fixation on the lies so interesting.
Lying it is learned behavior?
The lies are necessary at times to protect the addiction, but also in the head of the one lying at times they need to believe that lie as much as they need to one they are telling it too.
How many brought them lies knowing they were?
And can you see where the lies show a truth?
And at times does the truth mean a damn thing? This is where the taught to lie comes in, because if the reaction is going to be the same old same old chaos and accusations and you aren’t going to be believed why the hell just not use. I was taught to be a liar in some respect, it really didn’t matter what I said, the one reacting to me needed to react and was going to matter what I said. I learned it really wasn’t about me, I was just to easy a reason why….
Cheaters use the same excuse too......sorry but i don't buy into it. none of us are that powerful to cause some one to cheat on us.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
When my bf was using, he lied about all kinds of things. Some of the lies were to cover his addiction. Other times, he just lied. Sometimes he'd lie so that I "wouldn't get mad." Other times, he'd just lie to me or other people for no reason at all. Since he's been in recovery, he's worked really hard on this. Like LMN said, everybody lies. However, bf has worked on being more honest with everybody, including me.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Ya know, I think my husband has a real tendency to lie by omission if he doesn't think I will like it or approve.
Just recently, he loaned our son his very expensive golf clubs while his arm was healing. I think I was away at the time. He never said a word to me about it because he "thought" I would have shared my opinion about it and at one time he would have been right but not today. They are his and he can do whatever he wants with them.
Anyway, he just found out that my son sold them. I really had to bite my tongue on that one and did my best not to let him see me laugh. Later, he looked at me, shock his head and started to laugh about his own stupidity then replied "I don't care, it's was time for a new set anyway." I said "ok sure but I have a list of things that he stole from me that needs to be replaced first. " Stayed tuned.....I see an argument coming in the near future, lol.
Just recently, he loaned our son his very expensive golf clubs while his arm was healing. I think I was away at the time. He never said a word to me about it because he "thought" I would have shared my opinion about it and at one time he would have been right but not today. They are his and he can do whatever he wants with them.
Anyway, he just found out that my son sold them. I really had to bite my tongue on that one and did my best not to let him see me laugh. Later, he looked at me, shock his head and started to laugh about his own stupidity then replied "I don't care, it's was time for a new set anyway." I said "ok sure but I have a list of things that he stole from me that needs to be replaced first. " Stayed tuned.....I see an argument coming in the near future, lol.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
they lie to achieve their ends, surviving in the only way they know how
in a society that (rightly or wrongly...not here to argue that) has collectively
pronounced them untouchables.
I sense a great deal of pseudo "shock and amazement" that they can behave
like this,but I do not share it.
A long term aquaintance recently confided some juicy gossip about how a mutual
aquaintance was running around on his wife. The sense of moral superiority was so
thick you could cut it with a knife. Unfortunately, the poor sap was unaware that I
knew he was doing the same thing....with a coworker I had known for a couple of
decades.
I guess what I'm saying is let's start seeing honesty for what it is.Precious and rarer than
we'd like to admit.
Virtually unknown in the world of addiction......it is not 100% prevalent in the world of
the NON addict.......(or anywhere near it).
The addict I cared about lied nonstop.To expect her not to would be to display a
total lack of knowledge about the affliction. The only 'revenge' I ever fantasized about was
hooking all of her tormentors (EXCEPT her kids) onto a hard regimen of hard opiates
and then tell them to "just stop".To them it was JUST THAT easy.Black & white,like
everything in their simple worldviews.
Honesty,success,and winning the game of life----none are that easy.
(lying,failing,and losing are FAR,FAR easier)
And it is my opinion that if anyone tells you different......they are just not being
honest with you.
in a society that (rightly or wrongly...not here to argue that) has collectively
pronounced them untouchables.
I sense a great deal of pseudo "shock and amazement" that they can behave
like this,but I do not share it.
A long term aquaintance recently confided some juicy gossip about how a mutual
aquaintance was running around on his wife. The sense of moral superiority was so
thick you could cut it with a knife. Unfortunately, the poor sap was unaware that I
knew he was doing the same thing....with a coworker I had known for a couple of
decades.
I guess what I'm saying is let's start seeing honesty for what it is.Precious and rarer than
we'd like to admit.
Virtually unknown in the world of addiction......it is not 100% prevalent in the world of
the NON addict.......(or anywhere near it).
The addict I cared about lied nonstop.To expect her not to would be to display a
total lack of knowledge about the affliction. The only 'revenge' I ever fantasized about was
hooking all of her tormentors (EXCEPT her kids) onto a hard regimen of hard opiates
and then tell them to "just stop".To them it was JUST THAT easy.Black & white,like
everything in their simple worldviews.
Honesty,success,and winning the game of life----none are that easy.
(lying,failing,and losing are FAR,FAR easier)
And it is my opinion that if anyone tells you different......they are just not being
honest with you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
I don't know the answer.... I know for sure they lie when it comes to the drug use etc. But when they are in recovery - do they still lie? I don't know. Do they lie about other issues - with no reason to lie about it - not sure? I know that the addict in my life fed me the most shocking lies to cover up his addiction and bad behaviour around it - but in recovery - I hope he's not lying - but I actually don't know????
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
why is this? just trying to understand the mind of an addict.
Would it help you in some way?
If you knew why he lied, how would that change your life?
I am an alcoholic, and adult child of an alcoholic and a codependent.
I lie or lied for many reasons.
It was usually to protect myself in some way.
Later, it was to protect my addiction.
Even later it was to keep people from knowing the real me.
Why did I lie?
Many reasons, but they could all go under the umbrella of protecting myself in some way.
they lie to achieve their ends, surviving in the only way they know how
in a society that (rightly or wrongly...not here to argue that) has collectively
pronounced them untouchables.
in a society that (rightly or wrongly...not here to argue that) has collectively
pronounced them untouchables.
Beth
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