Action plan to prevent relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 27
Action plan to prevent relapse
Hi all,
Im new here, so thanks in advance for your help and support.
OK, to give you a bit of background, I am 28 and for the past ten years I know and have known that alcohol has been the cause of most of the major problems in my life. And these problems have been serious.
I try not to be a heavy drinker... and I can go for months and only have a couple of drinks when I am out. And I have to say I have always genuinely really enjoyed this few drinks. I like the taste, the feeling, the experience. I dont want to get drunk... The problem is, every now and again, completely out of the blue those few drinks slip into a few more and then I just can't stop. Once I get drunk I have no control and inevitably end up doing something really really stupid and in turn hurting the people I love most.
After this happens, I am careful and control my drinking for a while, but then my guard slips and the story repeats its self all over again and again and again.
After 10 years, it is obvious that this strategy of trying to be careful about what I drink just does not work. I wish it did, but it doesn't. You would think it would take less than 10 years to figure that out.
So now I KNOW KNOW KNOW that the only way to prevent the misery is to not drink at all.
The problem is, I knew this for 6 months ago. I decided for certain that I would NEVER drink again. I felt so bad about my drinking that giving up was easy... for the first month. I didn't feel the need to drink. I took great comfort in waking up on a Saturday morning not having to wonder what I did the night before. It was great... then after a while I started to think a glass of wine with dinner would be nice. Or a few pints of that special beer would help mark a special occasion... and then before you know it. I drank until I had a black out and caused myself many more problems.
Now, I am back to where I was at the start of the previous paragraph.
I know I can't drink... and I have absolutely no desire to drink and I have no problem turning down a drink when offered. The thought of drinking disgusts me.
But will I still feel the same way in 2 weeks time... 2 months time... a year?
Experience and a basic grasp of the concepts of selective memory tells me I won't.
Experience tells the that this desire I feel now to be (and remain) and "non drinker" will fade over time, and eventually I will want "just 1 drink" and then it is only a matter of time before history repeats its self.
So, the question is... how can I prevent that from happening???
I felt certain before and I could give up alcohol and that didn't work.
I feel certain now that I can give up alcohol but what can I do differently?
Can anyone recommend a practical 'Action Plan' of things to do to help keep me on track?
I really need this to work. Thanks for your help.
Im new here, so thanks in advance for your help and support.
OK, to give you a bit of background, I am 28 and for the past ten years I know and have known that alcohol has been the cause of most of the major problems in my life. And these problems have been serious.
I try not to be a heavy drinker... and I can go for months and only have a couple of drinks when I am out. And I have to say I have always genuinely really enjoyed this few drinks. I like the taste, the feeling, the experience. I dont want to get drunk... The problem is, every now and again, completely out of the blue those few drinks slip into a few more and then I just can't stop. Once I get drunk I have no control and inevitably end up doing something really really stupid and in turn hurting the people I love most.
After this happens, I am careful and control my drinking for a while, but then my guard slips and the story repeats its self all over again and again and again.
After 10 years, it is obvious that this strategy of trying to be careful about what I drink just does not work. I wish it did, but it doesn't. You would think it would take less than 10 years to figure that out.
So now I KNOW KNOW KNOW that the only way to prevent the misery is to not drink at all.
The problem is, I knew this for 6 months ago. I decided for certain that I would NEVER drink again. I felt so bad about my drinking that giving up was easy... for the first month. I didn't feel the need to drink. I took great comfort in waking up on a Saturday morning not having to wonder what I did the night before. It was great... then after a while I started to think a glass of wine with dinner would be nice. Or a few pints of that special beer would help mark a special occasion... and then before you know it. I drank until I had a black out and caused myself many more problems.
Now, I am back to where I was at the start of the previous paragraph.
I know I can't drink... and I have absolutely no desire to drink and I have no problem turning down a drink when offered. The thought of drinking disgusts me.
But will I still feel the same way in 2 weeks time... 2 months time... a year?
Experience and a basic grasp of the concepts of selective memory tells me I won't.
Experience tells the that this desire I feel now to be (and remain) and "non drinker" will fade over time, and eventually I will want "just 1 drink" and then it is only a matter of time before history repeats its self.
So, the question is... how can I prevent that from happening???
I felt certain before and I could give up alcohol and that didn't work.
I feel certain now that I can give up alcohol but what can I do differently?
Can anyone recommend a practical 'Action Plan' of things to do to help keep me on track?
I really need this to work. Thanks for your help.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome stevegl!
Congrats for seeing the problem now and wanting to do something about it. You described what so many of us have experienced, the idea that "next time" we'll be able to control our drinking. That was always a hit and miss proposition for me, too.
There are things you can do and even websites that have relapse prevention ideas. Things like: identifying your triggers, avoiding situations where you know you'll want to drink, getting support, changing things in your lifestyle, etc.
Coming here is a great place to start!
Congrats for seeing the problem now and wanting to do something about it. You described what so many of us have experienced, the idea that "next time" we'll be able to control our drinking. That was always a hit and miss proposition for me, too.
There are things you can do and even websites that have relapse prevention ideas. Things like: identifying your triggers, avoiding situations where you know you'll want to drink, getting support, changing things in your lifestyle, etc.
Coming here is a great place to start!
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Making myself sign the 24 hour commitment and Weekend Sobriety threads here have helped me a heck of a lot. We can throw some ideas at you and you can run it through your brain as far as what to try. What have you tried before? Any concrete plan? How about AA SMART etc. Any of those appeal to you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 27
Hi,
Before I tried keeping a personal journal to track my progress. Eventually I stopped writing in it so much and then I was back getting drunk. Kind of doing the same thing now so that is why I am asking for additional steps. I am an atheist so not too keen on some aspects of the AA and not keen on group AA meetings. I have considered going to a private alcoholism counselling but am undecided.
Before I tried keeping a personal journal to track my progress. Eventually I stopped writing in it so much and then I was back getting drunk. Kind of doing the same thing now so that is why I am asking for additional steps. I am an atheist so not too keen on some aspects of the AA and not keen on group AA meetings. I have considered going to a private alcoholism counselling but am undecided.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 297
Steve,
As an agnostic whose hackles are raised by dogma, I'd second EW's recommendation that you check out SMART's webpage if you haven't already. I haven't been to a SMART meeting (they don't happen everywhere), but I really like what I know about them.
Might be useful to you, might not, but it's free and secular and offers some social support without an expectation of life-long membership. From what I can tell from a distance, the social component is more restrained than in 12-step programs. The people I've interacted with who have been to f2f SMART meetings were believers in solid personal boundaries. If that holds true across the board, it may or may not be more up your alley.
If private alcoholism counseling is available to you and wouldn't financially burden you, though, why not use it? Couldn't hurt.
(I too am eager to hear what the seasoned sobriety elders have to say, because if there are some universal keys to success, I want to know!)
As an agnostic whose hackles are raised by dogma, I'd second EW's recommendation that you check out SMART's webpage if you haven't already. I haven't been to a SMART meeting (they don't happen everywhere), but I really like what I know about them.
Might be useful to you, might not, but it's free and secular and offers some social support without an expectation of life-long membership. From what I can tell from a distance, the social component is more restrained than in 12-step programs. The people I've interacted with who have been to f2f SMART meetings were believers in solid personal boundaries. If that holds true across the board, it may or may not be more up your alley.
If private alcoholism counseling is available to you and wouldn't financially burden you, though, why not use it? Couldn't hurt.
(I too am eager to hear what the seasoned sobriety elders have to say, because if there are some universal keys to success, I want to know!)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 126
You might want to buy STAYING SOBER - A Guide For Relapse Prevention and THE STAYING SOBER WORKBOOK by Terence T. Gorski. I've found both books helpful. The thing about journal writing is that it keeps you mindful of what you're doing. As you've said, "I stopped writing in it so much and then I was back getting drunk." Both books are excellent. You will learn a lot about yourself if you complete the exercises in the workbook.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
The key I think is finding something that you really relate to a far a spiritual/intellectual etc. orientation. Something you can stick with and will stay fresh in you mind. Also if you start wavering.... Log in here and within five minutes you'll read a thread about something bad that happened to someone who "relapsed"; helps me. Also feels good to give something back here a well and try to point someone in the right direction. Hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Colorado USA
Posts: 35
I think there are innumerable things that you can do on your own or with others to help build up your armor against relapse. I have found it helpful to keep a journal, to constantly refer to a list of reasons why sobriety is essential, to check in with my family, to read about drug/alcohol dependence diagnosis and treatment, to attend group meetings, to talk to and be accountable to counselors, and to take medications like Antabuse. I think the key to the whole process though is to find meaningful ways to fill the void left by one's old preoccupation with drugs/alcohol -- nature abhors a vacuum. The good news is that filling the void is a great opportunity to move on to much better things.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Steve!
Great post, could have been from the AA Big Book. A really good description of classic alcoholism. My suggestion though is to try all of the suggestions above with the exception of AA. Only go there if all the other ideas fail.
AA seems to suit a particular type of alcoholic, the hopeless variety, who is unresponsive to other treatments. Whenever I hear of a trial of some new medication for example, there is always a bunch of these guys in the trial who just continue to get worse. These are the ones that are a great source of frustration and despair to their families and the people who try to help them. A medical expert here recently said that the only hope for these ones is a conversion experience and, unfortunately, the medical fraternity is no closer to having a medication to bring this about than they were in the '60s. Which leaves AA's spiritual experience as the only game in town for that type of alcoholic.
Perhaps you are not that bad. Maybe you haven't placed yourself beyond human aid. Perhaps Gorsky's list will work for you. If it was around when I got sober I would have given it a try for sure.
By the way way, the term spiritual experience or awakening means a change of personalty sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism, sometimes a kind of mystical affair but more commonly like an educational process. That was how I eventually recovered, a radical change in my outlook on the world. It was an internal thing not connected to outside influences - triggers etc.
So I reached a realisiation that I was suffering from an illness that only a spiritual experience could conquer. But only after trying all other available avenues. If one of them had worked, I would never have needed AA.
Great post, could have been from the AA Big Book. A really good description of classic alcoholism. My suggestion though is to try all of the suggestions above with the exception of AA. Only go there if all the other ideas fail.
AA seems to suit a particular type of alcoholic, the hopeless variety, who is unresponsive to other treatments. Whenever I hear of a trial of some new medication for example, there is always a bunch of these guys in the trial who just continue to get worse. These are the ones that are a great source of frustration and despair to their families and the people who try to help them. A medical expert here recently said that the only hope for these ones is a conversion experience and, unfortunately, the medical fraternity is no closer to having a medication to bring this about than they were in the '60s. Which leaves AA's spiritual experience as the only game in town for that type of alcoholic.
Perhaps you are not that bad. Maybe you haven't placed yourself beyond human aid. Perhaps Gorsky's list will work for you. If it was around when I got sober I would have given it a try for sure.
By the way way, the term spiritual experience or awakening means a change of personalty sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism, sometimes a kind of mystical affair but more commonly like an educational process. That was how I eventually recovered, a radical change in my outlook on the world. It was an internal thing not connected to outside influences - triggers etc.
So I reached a realisiation that I was suffering from an illness that only a spiritual experience could conquer. But only after trying all other available avenues. If one of them had worked, I would never have needed AA.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Try informing yourself about AVRT and SMART. You can do this in 30 minutes. I will suggest you check out the Secular Connections forum here too. Lots of great stuff there, and support too.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
AA has the best relapse prevention plan in existence..
Spirituality
Working the 12 steps
Working with other alcoholics
Meetings
This simple formula continues to save countless alcoholics from themselves
Spirituality
Working the 12 steps
Working with other alcoholics
Meetings
This simple formula continues to save countless alcoholics from themselves
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 27
For me not drinking was the first bit of the journey - to stay stopped I needed to change my life, cos my old life was all about booze..
What have you done with that second bit Steve?
What have you done with that second bit Steve?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsburg, Pa.
Posts: 389
just reading thro' this thread and relating to all I have read...thank you all. think I'll check
out my copy of Saying Sober, which I have not looked at in a long time...I like AVRT and personal counseling (just started today), and SOBER RECOVERY has been a godsend to me !
raku
out my copy of Saying Sober, which I have not looked at in a long time...I like AVRT and personal counseling (just started today), and SOBER RECOVERY has been a godsend to me !
raku
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Staying Sober by Gorski is excellent. If I were stuck with only one sobriety book, and trust me I've read lots, this would be my pick.
I do continuing care once per week, individual therapy biweekly, SMART online meetings, one WFS f2f on Tuesdays, and I now meet with an AA sponsor who is pretty much an agnostic. I meet her once per week and we are going through the steps. I use the Beyond Belief Agnostic version of the 12 steps.
In addition to all that I am on a vitamin & supplement regimen based on a couple of books about recovering from alcoholism from a nutritional approach. This seems to be helping tremendously, as I feel great physically! My brain seems to be repairing, I've noticed changes cognitively and emotionally. So has my husband.
I've also just started vipassana style meditation but not far enough along to tell much if a difference yet. I also run three days per week.
This recovery plan, along with the beginnings of a relapse prevention plan based on Gorski's suggestion in the book are working very well for me.
I hope someone can take something away from this type of plan... This varied approach assures me I'm going at things in a balanced manner. I feel safer doing it this way than just "one" way.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
I do continuing care once per week, individual therapy biweekly, SMART online meetings, one WFS f2f on Tuesdays, and I now meet with an AA sponsor who is pretty much an agnostic. I meet her once per week and we are going through the steps. I use the Beyond Belief Agnostic version of the 12 steps.
In addition to all that I am on a vitamin & supplement regimen based on a couple of books about recovering from alcoholism from a nutritional approach. This seems to be helping tremendously, as I feel great physically! My brain seems to be repairing, I've noticed changes cognitively and emotionally. So has my husband.
I've also just started vipassana style meditation but not far enough along to tell much if a difference yet. I also run three days per week.
This recovery plan, along with the beginnings of a relapse prevention plan based on Gorski's suggestion in the book are working very well for me.
I hope someone can take something away from this type of plan... This varied approach assures me I'm going at things in a balanced manner. I feel safer doing it this way than just "one" way.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by stevegl 
Hi all,
Im new here, so thanks in advance for your help and support.
OK, to give you a bit of background, I am 28 and for the past ten years I know and have known that alcohol has been the cause of most of the major problems in my life. And these problems have been serious.
I try not to be a heavy drinker... and I can go for months and only have a couple of drinks when I am out. And I have to say I have always genuinely really enjoyed this few drinks. I like the taste, the feeling, the experience. I dont want to get drunk... The problem is, every now and again, completely out of the blue those few drinks slip into a few more and then I just can't stop. Once I get drunk I have no control and inevitably end up doing something really really stupid and in turn hurting the people I love most.
After this happens, I am careful and control my drinking for a while, but then my guard slips and the story repeats its self all over again and again and again.
After 10 years, it is obvious that this strategy of trying to be careful about what I drink just does not work. I wish it did, but it doesn't. You would think it would take less than 10 years to figure that out.
So now I KNOW KNOW KNOW that the only way to prevent the misery is to not drink at all.
The problem is, I knew this for 6 months ago. I decided for certain that I would NEVER drink again. I felt so bad about my drinking that giving up was easy... for the first month. I didn't feel the need to drink. I took great comfort in waking up on a Saturday morning not having to wonder what I did the night before. It was great... then after a while I started to think a glass of wine with dinner would be nice. Or a few pints of that special beer would help mark a special occasion... and then before you know it. I drank until I had a black out and caused myself many more problems.
Now, I am back to where I was at the start of the previous paragraph.
I know I can't drink... and I have absolutely no desire to drink and I have no problem turning down a drink when offered. The thought of drinking disgusts me.
But will I still feel the same way in 2 weeks time... 2 months time... a year?
Experience and a basic grasp of the concepts of selective memory tells me I won't.
Experience tells the that this desire I feel now to be (and remain) and "non drinker" will fade over time, and eventually I will want "just 1 drink" and then it is only a matter of time before history repeats its self.
So, the question is... how can I prevent that from happening???
I felt certain before and I could give up alcohol and that didn't work.
I feel certain now that I can give up alcohol but what can I do differently?
Can anyone recommend a practical 'Action Plan' of things to do to help keep me on track?
I really need this to work. Thanks for your help.
Im new here, so thanks in advance for your help and support.
OK, to give you a bit of background, I am 28 and for the past ten years I know and have known that alcohol has been the cause of most of the major problems in my life. And these problems have been serious.
I try not to be a heavy drinker... and I can go for months and only have a couple of drinks when I am out. And I have to say I have always genuinely really enjoyed this few drinks. I like the taste, the feeling, the experience. I dont want to get drunk... The problem is, every now and again, completely out of the blue those few drinks slip into a few more and then I just can't stop. Once I get drunk I have no control and inevitably end up doing something really really stupid and in turn hurting the people I love most.
After this happens, I am careful and control my drinking for a while, but then my guard slips and the story repeats its self all over again and again and again.
After 10 years, it is obvious that this strategy of trying to be careful about what I drink just does not work. I wish it did, but it doesn't. You would think it would take less than 10 years to figure that out.
So now I KNOW KNOW KNOW that the only way to prevent the misery is to not drink at all.
The problem is, I knew this for 6 months ago. I decided for certain that I would NEVER drink again. I felt so bad about my drinking that giving up was easy... for the first month. I didn't feel the need to drink. I took great comfort in waking up on a Saturday morning not having to wonder what I did the night before. It was great... then after a while I started to think a glass of wine with dinner would be nice. Or a few pints of that special beer would help mark a special occasion... and then before you know it. I drank until I had a black out and caused myself many more problems.
Now, I am back to where I was at the start of the previous paragraph.
I know I can't drink... and I have absolutely no desire to drink and I have no problem turning down a drink when offered. The thought of drinking disgusts me.
But will I still feel the same way in 2 weeks time... 2 months time... a year?
Experience and a basic grasp of the concepts of selective memory tells me I won't.
Experience tells the that this desire I feel now to be (and remain) and "non drinker" will fade over time, and eventually I will want "just 1 drink" and then it is only a matter of time before history repeats its self.
So, the question is... how can I prevent that from happening???
I felt certain before and I could give up alcohol and that didn't work.
I feel certain now that I can give up alcohol but what can I do differently?
Can anyone recommend a practical 'Action Plan' of things to do to help keep me on track?
I really need this to work. Thanks for your help.
Good new is, you can enjoy life (more than you ever realized) without the booze. Right now, due to the addiction, the very thought of a life without it is almost too much to stomach. So, dont say never, say I wont drink TODAY. The days will build on themselves, and you will see some really positive changes over time. Dont expect to set the bottle down and for things to change overnight, because you will be disappointed. You will also have to change you way of thinking, and alot of other aspects of your current life. You will recognize what you need to change as you progress, but for me it was my friends, my way of thinking in regards to myself, and how I viewed the world and what was "normal" in general.
Temptations will come, but try and limit your exposure to them as much as possible for the first year or so. You will learn to handle stress, rejection, and life's pit falls with a clear head, and its SO much better this way. How you feel now is largely due to alcohol, and once its removed, your way of thinking will change as well. Trust me, you can do this...........be proactive, research addiction as much as you can, know what to expect, look up PAWS. These are all things that will help you in your battle with alcohol. If you fail, try again with a new plan. Best of luck!
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