Finally Admitting the Truth
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 53
Finally Admitting the Truth
I am an alcoholic.
In the past, I always covered up that fact by the rationale that I don't drink every day, and I have has periods in my life where I didn't drink much. But the reality is I have been a binge drinker for about twenty years now. And it's time for me to stop seeing drinking as "fun" and start seeing it for what it is: an addiction.
It's become much worse over the last two years too. I wrecked my car and have escaped terrible injury to myself by the grace of God more than once. Two weeks ago I had a black eye from when I passed out and whacked my head on my desk. None of this is okay.
Tomorrow I'm going to my first AA meeting. And while I don't know how the future will unfold, I do know that I need help, and I can't remain sober alone.
Thank you for reading, I'm glad I found this site!
In the past, I always covered up that fact by the rationale that I don't drink every day, and I have has periods in my life where I didn't drink much. But the reality is I have been a binge drinker for about twenty years now. And it's time for me to stop seeing drinking as "fun" and start seeing it for what it is: an addiction.
It's become much worse over the last two years too. I wrecked my car and have escaped terrible injury to myself by the grace of God more than once. Two weeks ago I had a black eye from when I passed out and whacked my head on my desk. None of this is okay.
Tomorrow I'm going to my first AA meeting. And while I don't know how the future will unfold, I do know that I need help, and I can't remain sober alone.
Thank you for reading, I'm glad I found this site!
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 53
Thank you Anna. It's nice to know that I'm not weird or weak, I have a disease. And I'm glad as I'm reading a bunch today that I have been able to find that the way that I've been living isn't just me, and others are going through it too.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 53
Thank you Helen. I read all these threads and it seems like I've been so bad for so long and how did I not recognize it before? I'm sad and angry and scared.
Day 2 today. In the past I would be drinking again tonight. I have two beers in the fridge I'm dumping out as soon as I get out of bed, haha! And I am blessed with a supportive husband.
I'm nervous about going to an AA meeting today. I live in a small community and quite possibly people will know me. I just tell myself I have nothing to be ashamed of. What I'm ashamed of is the years of acting like a drunk dope.
Day 2 today. In the past I would be drinking again tonight. I have two beers in the fridge I'm dumping out as soon as I get out of bed, haha! And I am blessed with a supportive husband.
I'm nervous about going to an AA meeting today. I live in a small community and quite possibly people will know me. I just tell myself I have nothing to be ashamed of. What I'm ashamed of is the years of acting like a drunk dope.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: rural bush Alaska
Posts: 122
Congrats on making it to day 2!
I know what you mean- while I was forced to admit I was an alcoholic 3 years ago, I spent 3 years justifying my drinking ("hey! that article says alcohol can be healthy for you" -ignore part where it says 1 drink a day). This board has comforted me when trying to go back for another drink- although I do fear every day.
Good luck at AA. I wish I had that sort of strength- because I also live in a small community where EVERYONE knows me and I've been hiding behind closed doors so long that I'm too chicken to let anyone know (also- because the "anonymous" part is completely lost on people up here).
I know what you mean- while I was forced to admit I was an alcoholic 3 years ago, I spent 3 years justifying my drinking ("hey! that article says alcohol can be healthy for you" -ignore part where it says 1 drink a day). This board has comforted me when trying to go back for another drink- although I do fear every day.
Good luck at AA. I wish I had that sort of strength- because I also live in a small community where EVERYONE knows me and I've been hiding behind closed doors so long that I'm too chicken to let anyone know (also- because the "anonymous" part is completely lost on people up here).
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
You're right--you do NOT have to do this alone. You will find fellowship and help in the rooms of AA. Go & absorb the knowledge and find that others are going thru & or have gone thru what you are going thru now.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by RavenRenewed 
I am an alcoholic.
In the past, I always covered up that fact by the rationale that I don't drink every day, and I have has periods in my life where I didn't drink much. But the reality is I have been a binge drinker for about twenty years now. And it's time for me to stop seeing drinking as "fun" and start seeing it for what it is: an addiction.
In the past, I always covered up that fact by the rationale that I don't drink every day, and I have has periods in my life where I didn't drink much. But the reality is I have been a binge drinker for about twenty years now. And it's time for me to stop seeing drinking as "fun" and start seeing it for what it is: an addiction.
You sound just like me. 20 years of binge drinking...I always thought that I was just having fun like everybody else...Losing a job, relationships, waking up from jail didn't even stop me...
One morning after drinking 4 days 24/7 the hangover was so bad that I again missed work (got a new job after losing the one before) and I realized that if I keep doing this, I'll lose my new job as well. That's what finally woke me up...
I was given another chance with amazing company and I can't throw it away because of alcohol...
So here I am...
Welcome and lets kill this beast together!!
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 53
Hi sassu78! It does sound like we're similar. I never wound up in jail but that's just because I got lucky, really, it wasn't for lack of trying...
I went to my first AA meeting and everyone was awesome, welcoming and included me. I was really nervous but I'm going again. I got my first chip.
I went to my first AA meeting and everyone was awesome, welcoming and included me. I was really nervous but I'm going again. I got my first chip.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Apex, NC
Posts: 13
Raven, I'm a binge drinker also. It was always just a question of whether the race to get drunk was a sprint (after-dinner) or a marathon (all day). And my blackouts have become worse and more frequent over the last few months. I had to stop.
There is good news though. You found SR!! Live it day by day.
There is good news though. You found SR!! Live it day by day.
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