ulfr

So here i am back because i am struggling
unsure how long its been since i have taken something maybe a year and a half maybe more ( i don't really keep track )

I don't do AA or NA ( it just don't work for me )
I need someone to talk to because my life is going ****
My husband said to me today if i drink or take drugs he is gone
he says he cant handle me out my nut 24/7
he has never seen me drunk and i don't want him to see me like that
So tomorrow am going to a recovery hub drop in center going to call them first to make sure i have the right times for the place and ask where it is

My mental health is really bad at the moment and i think that is what causing me to want take drugs and drink

hypochondriac

It sounds like a support group would be good for you. Have you ever considered counselling too? You can get it free through Mind. I hate to think of you not getting the support you need x

IWillWin

Asking for and seeking support is the best course of action. You can get through this. Even if you have to do it one minute at a time...fight and win!!!

ulfr

I have had counselling before but am in Scotland and Mind only covers England and Wales
The place i went for counselling only do 7 sessions and you cant get it again
I would have a pay for counselling and at the moment am on disability benefits and i cant afford to pay for it

hypochondriac

Have you spoken to your doctor? x

ulfr

No i haven't i see her in two weeks time about my medication
I can try and see her sooner

Dee74

Welcome back DA

Sounds like both you and your husband are pretty overwhelmed trying to deal with all of this right now?

I'd be trying to get into see people sooner if I could - support could really help you, I think

hypochondriac

Maybe you could ask her about counselling then? It's a long slog out of addiction and it really helps to have ongoing support. I hope the recovery centre you go to comes up with something for you too x

Anna

Welcome back, DarkAsylum.

I am glad you plan to see your dr and I hope that you can get in quickly. That will be a really good place to start. Perhaps he/she can come up with a workable option for Counselling for you.

ulfr

Went to the drop in was the wrong place for me i live out of there catchment area
But the refereed to another place i should hear from them with in a week or so

doggonecarl

First off, congratuations for staying clean and sober for a year and a half. Sorry your are struggling. From what you've posted there seems to be a lot of hurdles in your seeking support. Maybe with the limitations you face it's time to reconsider what you may have dismissed earlier.

I not saying you MUST go to AA or NA. You've gotten sober without it. But now that you are struggling, maybe the fellowship is just what you need to get through this rough patch. Maybe with a different set of expectations, it could work this time.

Dark, I understand your resistance, but when you look at the consequences you face with your husband maybe AA/NA is the lesser of two evils. And who knows. Someone there might be in the exact same situation and can offer you a solution.

ulfr

I have done NA and AA before wasn't for me at all
I have Social Anxiety and i need my husband to come into the meeting with me
because i think am going to hurt people because of my voices and mental health problems ( my psych knows about me wanting to hurt people and has done nothing about neither has my Family Dr )
I need my husband with me at all times in the past when i have gone to meetings some have been fine about it but some people object and i cant stay
also there are times when i need to walk out the room and some times when my panic attacks are loud and it takes a long time for my husband to calm me down

But i could try it again id need to see where there is meetings thats open

hypochondriac

I don't want to scare you DarkAsylum, but your husband has said he will leave you if you use/drink right? It seems like you rely on him a lot, and while it's great he's supportive there are a lot of things you will have to work hard on yourself. Assuming you are in the system push to make sure you are getting the right help for your mental health problems. I know how rubbish it can be but if there are any charities in your area that offer advocacy that might be worth looking into too. Working on your issues around social anxiety seems to be a really important thing for you right now as it appears to be a barrier to you getting help. I am not saying you have to go to AA. It may be too much for you right now, but a lot of help involves talking to strangers in strange places. If things are moving too slowly right now it would be worth checking out some self help books for anxiety. I used a CBT book on anxiety which really helped me but these things take practice so it's best to get started on it as soon as possible. I hope you are doing okay x

ulfr

This morning i asked my husband for drink because am struggling with flashbacks
He said no that ill just be burying the flashbacks and not really coping with them
I have made a blog here and am writing about the abuse
I want to be able to get it out of my system in some way
Even though it hard to deal with i got to deal with them at some point
I know i rely on my husband a lot for things i don't know if id cope on my own and i don't know if i can care for myself without him .
My mental health problems are so bad that am unsafe on my own and i know if my husband leaves i would end up killing myself weather meaning to or not
My husband has put all the money away from me where i cant reach it and i have no money myself .

i Have had CBT for my anxiety but it didn't work for me at all
Its more my voices that stop me from going out on my own or be around people
because they tell me to hurt others and am scared i might do it
even though my husband says i will not do it because am not that kind of person
But my voices are persistent .
Instead of drinking alcohol am drinking energy juice so ill be a little hyper instead of drunk