AndiP

Today I have woken up with a hangover and I've realised that this is normal for me, waking up confused, sweating and shaking and not really believing the thoughts in my own head, or doubting them because I think it's the alcohol thinking. My daily routines are now based around alcohol. If I'm not drinking I'm suffering because of the drinking. The thoughts of vomiting have stopped me from eating, the thoughts of going out with my friends fills me with dread and I convince myself it's better to stay in and not go out and have fun. But if I do stay in I'll head to my local shop and get my fill. I have my dragons and drinking is the main one. Sometimes, I don't feel normal unless I've had a drink and at other times I feel far from normal because of my drinking. I dislike the constant self-doubt that drinking causes me. I've never spoken to anyone about my drinking because it's my dirty little secret, but I think I'm now fed up of having a dirty little secret and want a better life and to put myself first for once in my life and not let alcohol be the main thing in my life. I feel it's time I do talk about my drinking because I feel lost, alone and confused. I just need to know I'm normal and where to start. And you know what I'm fed up of the most? Sweaty hands all of the time. Clammy horrible sticky hands. Sometimes they are so sweaty I can see the moisture on my skin and I hate it, yet I keep on picking up that bottle like it's the be all and end all.

SamerrasMama

I feel your pain! I have NEVER admitted to anyone close to me about my issues with alchohol. Hell, I have been clean off pills/drugs for a year and I honestly don't even talk much about that. But no one, not even my own family, knows of the struggles I have with alcohol. I found this forum last week and it has reeeaaallly helped. Waking up with a hangover is always when I beat myself up the most. Going to the gym or working up a sweat followed by a hot shower always makes me feel a bit better. But there's no point in beating yourself up all day. You're definitely not alone! You've made good progress just by coming on here and reaching out. Welcome to SR. Keep posting!

Ghostlight

Welcome!

Wow, I could have written your post two and a half years ago. I can totaly realate.
Remember how you feel now and that you'll never have to feel that way again.
I can't have one drink. I never saw the point. I was (am) a drunk. Given a daily repreive from alcohol.
That's all it takes- just don't drink today.

I isolated myself , too. Alone with my drinks and my dirty secret. Well, you've come here and shared your feeling, so it's no longer a secret.
Think of that first drink and where it will lead you. The remorse, guilt and sweaty hands from withdrawal.

Thanks for your post I really needed that reminder today of how it is out there in the drinking world.

Post as often as you like, and best to you.

visch1

Hi and welcome. Being a member of AA I'd strongly advise attending some meetings which over the years have helped many millions worldwide. Try exploring the different forums and try to identify with peoples posting. The following suggestion is simple but not easy all the time: be honest with YOURSELF, don't pick up that first drink and then you/we have an excellent chance of having a great life. It's work but certainly worth it. BE WELL

stevie88

Welcome AndiP...Nearly 6 months ago now I was in the same boat as you...Everything I did revloved around drinking..If I took my wife shopping I had to be home 12 so I could start drinking and if I didn't have to go shopping I would start drinking once I'd took the kids to school...I wouldn't visit my own parents because I knew I wouldn't be able to drink and I would attend any social events if I couldnt get booze....I have had many tries at quitting the booze,my join up date shows that,but I think finally I'm getting there..You just gotta take that first step,don't pick up a drink today....If I can do it then anyone can....Take care...Steve...

Fandy

Hi Andi, welcome....i know the daily hangover routine, the nausea, stomach acid, headache and permanently puffy face...along with weight gain, HTN, lack of good nutrition and exercise.
If you chase sobriety the way you chase the booze, you will start to feel better both physically and mentally....the booze exacerbated my depression which i treated with more booze...it was a terrible cycle.breaking it was the best thing i could ever do for my mental and physical health.
Stick around and read, join in...it has helped me tremendously.

GroundhogDay

Welcome Andi,

The people here at SR have helped me a lot with maintaining sobriety. I grow happier and more confident over time.

AndiP

Thanks for all of the kind words guys. I've had this problem since I was fifteen and I don't know how to break out of the cycle. I feel a bit trapped by it all. But at the same time the thought of not drinking fills me with dread even though I know all of the problems it causes.

Fandy

Don't overwhelm yourself...just take things slow and at your own pace...if it scares you, tell yourself you aren't going to drink for 12 hours....
You can do this....however you need to want to stop more than drink. Sweating is a common side effect....you might need some help medically to detox safely, depending on how much you drink...not a bad idea to be honest with the doctor, who will help you, not judge you.
I found the support and discussion here to be my mainstay in 2 years sobriety...there are all different methods people use and the outcome of sobriety is what we want.

Saliena

1this is a quote from the Big Book. Here is what your post reminds me of.
We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works. (pg 28)

jstar

Welcome AndiP! Admitting we have a problem is the first step in our recovery

Glad you are here!

least

I know the shame, the guilt, the pain, the hangovers all too well. When I'd finally had enough I went to a medically supervised detox and after that stayed sober with the help of this site and my counselor.

Would counseling be an option for you? I know it's helped me.

Also you could post here when you feel the urge to drink. Post and read and talk yourself out of it.

I'm glad you joined the family!