Getting of Pills - Not Doing Well
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
Getting of Pills - Not Doing Well
Hi, this is my first post. Not really sure if I belong here, haven't really shared my drug use with anyone in my life other than a few close friends. I'm just going to describe my situation and welcome any feedback from you all!
It started back in January when I found some 7.5/750 vicodins left over from a wisdom teeth removal I'd had done a few years back. I did my research and did a CWE, and tried them that night. It was pure bliss and I immediately fell in love. I ran out after about a month, as I only had about 15 (though with my tolerance so low at the time I was able to stretch them out pretty well, I was also only using once a week at most).
Around this time my mom had kidney stones and was prescribed 30 5/500 vicodins. One night I came home to visit my parents and spend the night at their house, and after they went to bed I searched the house and found the vics! I replaced them with just some generic APAP tabs that were similar in shape and size (she isn't big on taking any drug, even advil or tylenol, so she would never notice the difference). These lasted me another 2 months or so, and I was having a wonderful time, just me and my pills. I ran out of these pills at the end of April, at which time I got a little nervous. I was still only using about once a week, but I already couldn't imagine my life without opiates. I used to be a big weed smoker and drinker, but I lost all interest once I tried opiates.
I was able to procure through a friend 50 5/325 percocets and 35 5mg oxycodone pills. This is when it started to get scary. The first night I tried oxycodone I took too many at once (only 20mg, but I had never tried anything stronger than hydrocodone) and ended up passing out for a few seconds in public with one of my friends. When he noticed I was on the ground he yelled my name, which woke me up right away, and I ran off, fearing someone would call EMTs. I told myself I would take a break from the pills for at least a few weeks. I was back on them within 3 days.
After getting back on them I went on a 2 week drug binge, where I went through approx. 400 mg of oxycodone. I started counting my pills and logging my doses in a spreadsheet. I always had to know how many pills I had left. Every night I told myself I would take a break, but I would inevitably end up using. Some nights I would drink, as I had always told myself I would never combine alcohol and opiates. This rule didn't go unbroken for long. One night I drank an entire bottle of wine and then proceeded to snort 10mg of oxy. When my housemate came home, he was not pleased with what he found. He threw my own words back at me, about how combining opiates and alcohol is extremely dangerous. I told him I was just trying to make the pills last longer by potentiating them with alcohol (RED FLAG), when I normally potentiate with DPH and DXM. I didn't like him telling me what to do, so I went into my room, locked the door, and proceeded to snort another 10 mg before passing out. The next morning my friend and I discussed my behavior. He said when he came home I was pale, clammy, with pin point pupils, and he was seriously afraid for me. The only thing that saved me was that he tried to take my drugs out of my room and I forced my way in. He said the fact that I could do that made him feel comfortable enough that I wasn't going to die that night.
A few days later he and my other housemate had a mini-intervention, to try to get me to take a break from the oxy. The second housemate had an unused vicodin prescription (15 5/500s), and he and I made a deal: If i quit oxy for a week then he would give me his vicodin, but I had to leave my drugs with one of them. I agreed, but not before switching out my pills with tylenol (neither one of them knew what my pills looked like, or could tell the difference). I used for the next week in secret, and got my vicodin at the end of the week. I was snorting oxy off of my laptop, up to 50 mg a night, while my housemates thought I was sober. At the end of my "clean week" my housemate told me how proud he was of me, which made me feel guilty, but I cared more about taking my pills.
I'm currently about to run out of the vicodin he gave me. It didn't last long, as my tolerance is much higher now. All I can think about is getting more drugs. I've been spreading out my using more, trying to make the pills last longer. I've also been drinking a lot again, trying to replace the pills with booze. I know I need to quit it with the opiates, but I can't imagine never using them again. The idea of life just seems so boring and grey without them.
It also doesn't help that my best friend recently moved away, and I'm back living with my parents temporarily (who get concerned when I even have one drink and have no idea about my drug use). I'm also started dating this new guy recently, and I can feel myself getting fixated and throwing all of my energy into him to distract myself from the fact I'm about to run out of drugs.
I've looked into NA. I read their "Am I an Addict" pamphlet and answered yes to more of the questions than I'd like to admit. I went to one meeting, but left after about 10 minutes. I've only been on opiates for about 4 months, but I find myself either using, thinking of using, or thinking of how to get more pills constantly.
I guess I'm just looking to share my experiences with anyone who will listen and get any feedback you're willing to give. Sorry this post is so long, I just want you guys to fully understand my experiences. Thanks!
It started back in January when I found some 7.5/750 vicodins left over from a wisdom teeth removal I'd had done a few years back. I did my research and did a CWE, and tried them that night. It was pure bliss and I immediately fell in love. I ran out after about a month, as I only had about 15 (though with my tolerance so low at the time I was able to stretch them out pretty well, I was also only using once a week at most).
Around this time my mom had kidney stones and was prescribed 30 5/500 vicodins. One night I came home to visit my parents and spend the night at their house, and after they went to bed I searched the house and found the vics! I replaced them with just some generic APAP tabs that were similar in shape and size (she isn't big on taking any drug, even advil or tylenol, so she would never notice the difference). These lasted me another 2 months or so, and I was having a wonderful time, just me and my pills. I ran out of these pills at the end of April, at which time I got a little nervous. I was still only using about once a week, but I already couldn't imagine my life without opiates. I used to be a big weed smoker and drinker, but I lost all interest once I tried opiates.
I was able to procure through a friend 50 5/325 percocets and 35 5mg oxycodone pills. This is when it started to get scary. The first night I tried oxycodone I took too many at once (only 20mg, but I had never tried anything stronger than hydrocodone) and ended up passing out for a few seconds in public with one of my friends. When he noticed I was on the ground he yelled my name, which woke me up right away, and I ran off, fearing someone would call EMTs. I told myself I would take a break from the pills for at least a few weeks. I was back on them within 3 days.
After getting back on them I went on a 2 week drug binge, where I went through approx. 400 mg of oxycodone. I started counting my pills and logging my doses in a spreadsheet. I always had to know how many pills I had left. Every night I told myself I would take a break, but I would inevitably end up using. Some nights I would drink, as I had always told myself I would never combine alcohol and opiates. This rule didn't go unbroken for long. One night I drank an entire bottle of wine and then proceeded to snort 10mg of oxy. When my housemate came home, he was not pleased with what he found. He threw my own words back at me, about how combining opiates and alcohol is extremely dangerous. I told him I was just trying to make the pills last longer by potentiating them with alcohol (RED FLAG), when I normally potentiate with DPH and DXM. I didn't like him telling me what to do, so I went into my room, locked the door, and proceeded to snort another 10 mg before passing out. The next morning my friend and I discussed my behavior. He said when he came home I was pale, clammy, with pin point pupils, and he was seriously afraid for me. The only thing that saved me was that he tried to take my drugs out of my room and I forced my way in. He said the fact that I could do that made him feel comfortable enough that I wasn't going to die that night.
A few days later he and my other housemate had a mini-intervention, to try to get me to take a break from the oxy. The second housemate had an unused vicodin prescription (15 5/500s), and he and I made a deal: If i quit oxy for a week then he would give me his vicodin, but I had to leave my drugs with one of them. I agreed, but not before switching out my pills with tylenol (neither one of them knew what my pills looked like, or could tell the difference). I used for the next week in secret, and got my vicodin at the end of the week. I was snorting oxy off of my laptop, up to 50 mg a night, while my housemates thought I was sober. At the end of my "clean week" my housemate told me how proud he was of me, which made me feel guilty, but I cared more about taking my pills.
I'm currently about to run out of the vicodin he gave me. It didn't last long, as my tolerance is much higher now. All I can think about is getting more drugs. I've been spreading out my using more, trying to make the pills last longer. I've also been drinking a lot again, trying to replace the pills with booze. I know I need to quit it with the opiates, but I can't imagine never using them again. The idea of life just seems so boring and grey without them.
It also doesn't help that my best friend recently moved away, and I'm back living with my parents temporarily (who get concerned when I even have one drink and have no idea about my drug use). I'm also started dating this new guy recently, and I can feel myself getting fixated and throwing all of my energy into him to distract myself from the fact I'm about to run out of drugs.
I've looked into NA. I read their "Am I an Addict" pamphlet and answered yes to more of the questions than I'd like to admit. I went to one meeting, but left after about 10 minutes. I've only been on opiates for about 4 months, but I find myself either using, thinking of using, or thinking of how to get more pills constantly.
I guess I'm just looking to share my experiences with anyone who will listen and get any feedback you're willing to give. Sorry this post is so long, I just want you guys to fully understand my experiences. Thanks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
I just felt too uncomfortable, like everyone was staring at me or judging me - very self conscious. I know it was irrational, but I would have much rather been snorting some oxy, which is what I went home and did. Thinking of going back and trying another meeting, so we'll see how that goes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
I can only see your problems with pills getting worse. You should stop now before you OD or die. The longer you wait the harder it will be until you hit rock bottom. Then you won't have a choice. I totally understand that fear of not using anymore, we all have felt that. You just need to think beyond what your mind and body craves and figure out what your spirit craves.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
We have a forum for substance abusers here. I'll give you the link to it. Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: indiana
Posts: 214
It's great you have came to this site and realizing it is a problem.You really need to get help ASAP.Ive hAd my share of painkillers and they are one of they the toughest things to put down.My life revolved around them just as you stated.And the addiction just snowballs really quickly.Before you know it your taking twice as many and so on.So please get some kind of help,good luck to you and god bless.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I think you are doing good.
Your being very honest about your use of pills.
You are being honest about the way you obtain them.
You are honest that it has upset your friends and people around you.
And your honest about the feelings toward pills you are having.
You need to decide on the next step.
Whats good for you.
What wil work for you.
What I can say that worked for me was coming to SR everyday.
I posted and read and learnt all I could about addiction.
I think some face to face would help you too.
My best to you
xx
Your being very honest about your use of pills.
You are being honest about the way you obtain them.
You are honest that it has upset your friends and people around you.
And your honest about the feelings toward pills you are having.
You need to decide on the next step.
Whats good for you.
What wil work for you.
What I can say that worked for me was coming to SR everyday.
I posted and read and learnt all I could about addiction.
I think some face to face would help you too.
My best to you
xx
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