Don't be his chick(en)!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Don't be his chick(en)!!!
So a few weeks ago, I was telling my therapist how I don't understand why it's been so hard for me to let my XA go. It has honestly been so much harder to move on from that 16 month relationship than it was to divorce my XH, whom I had been with for 19 years. It's 3 months today since I got dumped via text by my XA, and although overall I'm doing a lot better, I still have days like yesterday where the pain just comes from out of nowhere and squeezes my heart until I don't think I'm going to be able to stand it. And even on the 'better' days, I know that my smile doesn't quite reach my eyes and my laughter sounds a bit forced, a bit hollow, even to my own ears...but the following story helped me better understand why I'm still struggling. So here goes (and sorry it's so long!):
My therapist told me that when he was studying to get his psychology degree, they had to do an experiment with chickens. They were given 3 chickens, and they had to document their behavior. The first chicken got a food pellet every time it pecked the lever. The second chicken got a food pellet intermittently, sometimes yes, sometimes no. The third chicken never got a food pellet no matter how many times it pecked the lever. My therapist asked me, "Which chicken do you think drove itself absolutely nuts pecking at that lever to get a food pellet?" I gave what seemed to me to be the most logical answer, "The one who never got the pellet...??" He said, "Nope. The one who only intermittently got the pellet." And then he looked at me expectantly, as if this information should have some relevant meaning to me, lol.
So I'm sitting there thinking, 'Ummm....okayyyyyy. What the heck does this story have to do with MY situation?? Why is he just sitting there, looking at me as if he thinks this little anecdote is going to have some significance for me??' So he finally takes pity on me (lol) and says, "That's what he did to YOU." And I just stared at him blankly and asked, "Did what to me? What do you mean?" And he goes, "He created that same situation with the intermittently-fed chicken with you. He always kept you unbalanced with that come here-go away dynamic, he'd call you to come over, you'd be on cloud nine, and then you wouldn't hear from him for a week. Or two. Or a month. Then all of a sudden you'd hear from him three weeks in a row, and then you wouldn't hear again for who knows how long. And he kept up this unpredictable rhythm of highs and lows, always keeping you guessing, never knowing when you'd hear, until you didn't know if you were coming or going. He had you right where he wanted you - close enough to keep you hooked, so that you'd come running when he wanted you, but distant enough that he never had to make any real effort or commitment. And that type of dynamic creates an obsession, wondering when you're going to hear from him, when you're going to see him, then you'd see him and sometimes he'd say all the right things and let you stay over and other times it was for an hour and he'd practically kick you out as soon as it was over. Either way, he'd then go back to ignoring your existence, leaving you to obsess over when you were going to hear from him again, until he wanted his selfish needs satisfied again. You see, he created an obsession in you, just like the obsession created with the intermittent chicken never knowing when it was going to get a food pellet." By this time, I think my jaw was hanging open, and I practically screeched in disbelief, "Wait, I'M the intermittent chicken????" LOL!
I can (mostly) laugh about it now. But I have to say, it took a couple days to fully sink in, and when it did, it really bothered me.....because I knew it was TRUE. Whether deliberate or not, he had turned me into his damn chicken - and I had LET him!! I allowed myself to be turned into an obsessed, clucking chicken frantically pecking at the lever, desperate to get a tiny pellet of affection from him. And my therapist said that these types of relationships can be very difficult to break free of.
I have to say, it was really one of those 'lightbulb' moments for me, and it has stuck with me these past weeks. And on the days when it hurts so much, when I feel like I can't take it, I allow myself to feel the pain, sit with it a bit, and usually shed some tears. But then I do my best to shut it out, dry my eyes and remind myself, "NO. I am NOT his intermittent chicken anymore."
I don't know if anyone else will get anything out of this or not, but I thought I'd share it anyway.
My therapist told me that when he was studying to get his psychology degree, they had to do an experiment with chickens. They were given 3 chickens, and they had to document their behavior. The first chicken got a food pellet every time it pecked the lever. The second chicken got a food pellet intermittently, sometimes yes, sometimes no. The third chicken never got a food pellet no matter how many times it pecked the lever. My therapist asked me, "Which chicken do you think drove itself absolutely nuts pecking at that lever to get a food pellet?" I gave what seemed to me to be the most logical answer, "The one who never got the pellet...??" He said, "Nope. The one who only intermittently got the pellet." And then he looked at me expectantly, as if this information should have some relevant meaning to me, lol.
So I'm sitting there thinking, 'Ummm....okayyyyyy. What the heck does this story have to do with MY situation?? Why is he just sitting there, looking at me as if he thinks this little anecdote is going to have some significance for me??' So he finally takes pity on me (lol) and says, "That's what he did to YOU." And I just stared at him blankly and asked, "Did what to me? What do you mean?" And he goes, "He created that same situation with the intermittently-fed chicken with you. He always kept you unbalanced with that come here-go away dynamic, he'd call you to come over, you'd be on cloud nine, and then you wouldn't hear from him for a week. Or two. Or a month. Then all of a sudden you'd hear from him three weeks in a row, and then you wouldn't hear again for who knows how long. And he kept up this unpredictable rhythm of highs and lows, always keeping you guessing, never knowing when you'd hear, until you didn't know if you were coming or going. He had you right where he wanted you - close enough to keep you hooked, so that you'd come running when he wanted you, but distant enough that he never had to make any real effort or commitment. And that type of dynamic creates an obsession, wondering when you're going to hear from him, when you're going to see him, then you'd see him and sometimes he'd say all the right things and let you stay over and other times it was for an hour and he'd practically kick you out as soon as it was over. Either way, he'd then go back to ignoring your existence, leaving you to obsess over when you were going to hear from him again, until he wanted his selfish needs satisfied again. You see, he created an obsession in you, just like the obsession created with the intermittent chicken never knowing when it was going to get a food pellet." By this time, I think my jaw was hanging open, and I practically screeched in disbelief, "Wait, I'M the intermittent chicken????" LOL!
I can (mostly) laugh about it now. But I have to say, it took a couple days to fully sink in, and when it did, it really bothered me.....because I knew it was TRUE. Whether deliberate or not, he had turned me into his damn chicken - and I had LET him!! I allowed myself to be turned into an obsessed, clucking chicken frantically pecking at the lever, desperate to get a tiny pellet of affection from him. And my therapist said that these types of relationships can be very difficult to break free of.
I have to say, it was really one of those 'lightbulb' moments for me, and it has stuck with me these past weeks. And on the days when it hurts so much, when I feel like I can't take it, I allow myself to feel the pain, sit with it a bit, and usually shed some tears. But then I do my best to shut it out, dry my eyes and remind myself, "NO. I am NOT his intermittent chicken anymore."
I don't know if anyone else will get anything out of this or not, but I thought I'd share it anyway.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I LOVE this story!
It is perfect how we sometimes get set up,
and it doesn't matter if he means it or not, the pain is the same.
Wow!
I ain't no intermittent chicken!
Not anymore.
When I peck, I want a treat, and it goes both ways.
Okay, we could take this story to the nth degree.
It also sounds like an excellent forum name, for what forum, I do not know.
LOL
thank you so much,
Beth
(and hugs for the squeezing heart feeling, i know it well. you will get better)
It is perfect how we sometimes get set up,
and it doesn't matter if he means it or not, the pain is the same.
Wow!
I ain't no intermittent chicken!
Not anymore.
When I peck, I want a treat, and it goes both ways.
Okay, we could take this story to the nth degree.
It also sounds like an excellent forum name, for what forum, I do not know.
LOL
thank you so much,
Beth
(and hugs for the squeezing heart feeling, i know it well. you will get better)
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
"Intermittent chicken" sounds like a rock band! 
Seriously - I think that story will ring true to a lot if us. Because that's sort of the cycle of abusive behavior in a way too - you never know what you're gonna get but because you SOMETIMES get rewarded, you keep trying. (Someone's therapist called it "the one-armed bandit curse" - I've invested so much in this that I can't leave now when the next round might be the one where I win/he gets sober")
Seriously - I think that story will ring true to a lot if us. Because that's sort of the cycle of abusive behavior in a way too - you never know what you're gonna get but because you SOMETIMES get rewarded, you keep trying. (Someone's therapist called it "the one-armed bandit curse" - I've invested so much in this that I can't leave now when the next round might be the one where I win/he gets sober")
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
I have heard this story before, but it was with a mouse. And, logically, I 10000% agree, because I am that mouse or chicken....but jesus, when you get that reward, everything else flies out the window. For that moment, you won. And all was right with the world, until it wasn't. And you sit there and push that ******* lever, to make it all right again. And again, that lever will make your world right again, until it doesn't.
It's maddening. We place our hopes on the lottery. 1 in 100 million win, but, damnit, we have to play don't we. Because, next time, next time is our 1 in a 100 million.
It's maddening. We place our hopes on the lottery. 1 in 100 million win, but, damnit, we have to play don't we. Because, next time, next time is our 1 in a 100 million.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Everhopeful---Yes---INTERMITTENT REINFORCEMENT. That is a classic experiment in behavioral psychology. (I remember from a course). What a good connection!! I think it is soo applicable here for so many of us on the forum.
I believe that is why, when the gig is up, total no contact works better to "get past" the pain sooner.
Intermittent contact keeps hope alive! Even hope with little or no basis.
Yes, IIliamy, it does sound like the Cycle of Abuse! It is often said that it takes an average of 7 attempts before the abused one finally exits the relationship. I suspect the intermittent reinforcement of the crying apologies and promises that "it will never happen again" is the fuel for this.
Also, another example is in inconsistent parenting---considered the most destructive type. Very strict---interrupted by periods of over-indulgence.
IIimany, I have heard the "one armed bandit" reasoning a gazillion times here, on this board!
And, IIiamy, I think "INTERMITTENT CHICKEN" is a fabulous name for a rock band!!!!:
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Yep, I get it too. And its hard to give up, especially since you know things could be different because you've experienced what it could be like...if only...
The only thing that has helped me is to identify this pattern early and avoid it at all costs...even when it feels wrong to do so (and that's my own wishful thinking talking, because my head is usually screaming RUN!). This is where 'no contact' becomes very important.
Sounds like you have a great therapist!
The only thing that has helped me is to identify this pattern early and avoid it at all costs...even when it feels wrong to do so (and that's my own wishful thinking talking, because my head is usually screaming RUN!). This is where 'no contact' becomes very important.
Sounds like you have a great therapist!
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
My therapist said the same story to me, but used puppies and treats instead of chickens and pellets. It was a great revelation to me as well. I love the chicken version better; it’s much more comical to visualize. The truth in the story, however, is just as disturbing. I have been the chicken for too long.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
Thanks, everyone - I had a feeling a lot of us could relate to this story....especially ME, after my slip-up tonight!! 
Beth - Yes, I can't say if his behavior was deliberate or not, but as you said - I do know for sure that it hurt like hell!! Thanks for the hugs - I really need them tonight.
lillamy - LOL, a rock band - I love it!! You know, it's funny that you brought up the cycle of abusive behavior. It's something that I've been struggling with for the last couple weeks, why I can't shake the feeling that the way he treated me, both emotionally and sexually, sometimes felt like abuse.... And you're right, because I 'intermittently' got 'rewarded,' it was just enough to keep me hanging in there, doing whatever I had to in order to be 'rewarded' again. Such a crazy, vicious cycle...
owathu - YES!! Boy when I got those 'rewards,' NOTHING ELSE MATTERED. When I was with him, and he was saying and doing all the right things, the rest of the world could have disappeared and I would NOT have cared!! And in reality, they were just crumbs of affection, little scraps that you'd feed a dog (or a chicken, lol!!), but for as much as they meant to me, MAN, you'd think they were made out of PURE GOLD or something!!
dandylion - Yes, my XA is a master of intermittent reinforcement, whether he knows it or not. As my mom put it, he not only used you and treated you like crap, he did it in the worst way possible, the way that would be the hardest for you to get over. YEP. By the way, LOVE 'The Intermittent Chickens' rockin' out at the end of your post!!
Lexie - Yeah, I'm glad I finally decided to share this story. It really helped me and I was hoping it could help others, too.
Tuffgirl - That sounds like great advice - identify it as early as possible and get out of there!! I love my therapist - he's been a Godsend. And he uses a lot of humor, which I love - it helps when dealing with upsetting issues. I think I might have a LOT to talk about next time, after my slip-up tonight, lol!
MTSlideAddict - Yeah, the chickens are pretty funny (especially considering I was squawking like one by the time I put two and two together, lol!). But in all seriousness, the truth IS disturbing, and I had trouble accepting it....oh, how I wish that none of us here knew the pain of being that chicken.
Beth - Yes, I can't say if his behavior was deliberate or not, but as you said - I do know for sure that it hurt like hell!! Thanks for the hugs - I really need them tonight.
lillamy - LOL, a rock band - I love it!! You know, it's funny that you brought up the cycle of abusive behavior. It's something that I've been struggling with for the last couple weeks, why I can't shake the feeling that the way he treated me, both emotionally and sexually, sometimes felt like abuse.... And you're right, because I 'intermittently' got 'rewarded,' it was just enough to keep me hanging in there, doing whatever I had to in order to be 'rewarded' again. Such a crazy, vicious cycle...
owathu - YES!! Boy when I got those 'rewards,' NOTHING ELSE MATTERED. When I was with him, and he was saying and doing all the right things, the rest of the world could have disappeared and I would NOT have cared!! And in reality, they were just crumbs of affection, little scraps that you'd feed a dog (or a chicken, lol!!), but for as much as they meant to me, MAN, you'd think they were made out of PURE GOLD or something!!
dandylion - Yes, my XA is a master of intermittent reinforcement, whether he knows it or not. As my mom put it, he not only used you and treated you like crap, he did it in the worst way possible, the way that would be the hardest for you to get over. YEP. By the way, LOVE 'The Intermittent Chickens' rockin' out at the end of your post!!
Lexie - Yeah, I'm glad I finally decided to share this story. It really helped me and I was hoping it could help others, too.
Tuffgirl - That sounds like great advice - identify it as early as possible and get out of there!! I love my therapist - he's been a Godsend. And he uses a lot of humor, which I love - it helps when dealing with upsetting issues. I think I might have a LOT to talk about next time, after my slip-up tonight, lol!
MTSlideAddict - Yeah, the chickens are pretty funny (especially considering I was squawking like one by the time I put two and two together, lol!). But in all seriousness, the truth IS disturbing, and I had trouble accepting it....oh, how I wish that none of us here knew the pain of being that chicken.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Wow what a great story..I think that describes plenty of relationships and alcoholic ones at that.
I agree perhapse the reason this relationship was so hard..much harder to walk away from than the past one of 19 years is because of that fact.
I found that being involved with an alcoholic is exactly the way your therapist describes and in alot of ways harder relationships to just tuck away as over.
Its kind of brutal too when you think about it....we love them sober "it pulls us in" and we cant stand them drinking but its the moment (s) of sobreity that pull us back in. "Thats not who they are....who they are is how they are sober. If he stays sober hell be perfect" and this pull and tug relationship feeling/mentality reminds me of the same pull and tug theory behind abusive relationships...what is called the "honeymoon" faze and we get pulled back into the chaos with this crazy little thing called "hope".
When you really think about it. .it puts alot of the relationship in perspective and about ourselves.
After all I think alot of us are strong wobderful people BUT as the intermittent chicken...we go bonkers, were love sick and codependant
I agree perhapse the reason this relationship was so hard..much harder to walk away from than the past one of 19 years is because of that fact.
I found that being involved with an alcoholic is exactly the way your therapist describes and in alot of ways harder relationships to just tuck away as over.
Its kind of brutal too when you think about it....we love them sober "it pulls us in" and we cant stand them drinking but its the moment (s) of sobreity that pull us back in. "Thats not who they are....who they are is how they are sober. If he stays sober hell be perfect" and this pull and tug relationship feeling/mentality reminds me of the same pull and tug theory behind abusive relationships...what is called the "honeymoon" faze and we get pulled back into the chaos with this crazy little thing called "hope".
When you really think about it. .it puts alot of the relationship in perspective and about ourselves.
After all I think alot of us are strong wobderful people BUT as the intermittent chicken...we go bonkers, were love sick and codependant
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
I agree, thislonelygirl. I definitely think the sickness in him (alcoholic/addict) recognized the sickness in me (codependent), and they fed off each other and created an obsessive frenzy, at least for me. And yes, it is very much like the cycle of abuse. As I said to lillamy above, I've been fighting with the thought these last couple weeks as to whether or not the way he treated me emotionally and sexually was abusive...it definitely felt like it sometimes.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 56
Hi All...
I read this thread a few days back and the intermittent chicken theory really resonated with me so I googled it. I came across a website for folks involved with those with bi-polar disorder that I found tremendously helpful.
For me (and I'm guessing a few others), for whatever reason, the codie info out there never really spoke to me. I'm a smart girl but it just seemed like the codie stuff never reallly jelled in my brain. I got the jist of it, but have never found it particularly helpful for me personally.
While reading through the info on this website, I found myself inserting the 'alcoholic' for 'bi-polar' and this info makes total, concrete sense to me. It was an 'ah ha' moment.
Thanks EverHopeful for posting your experience here.
Here's the link to the website, "Out of the Fog." I linked directly to their article on "Intermittent Reinforcement" but I encourage to you look around the site. I'm posting it here in the hope that it might help someone else understand their involvment with the A in their life.
Good Roads,
Chick
Out of the FOG - Intermittent Reinforcement
***edited to add...sorry the link didn't seem to appear...a google search will land you in the right place.
I read this thread a few days back and the intermittent chicken theory really resonated with me so I googled it. I came across a website for folks involved with those with bi-polar disorder that I found tremendously helpful.
For me (and I'm guessing a few others), for whatever reason, the codie info out there never really spoke to me. I'm a smart girl but it just seemed like the codie stuff never reallly jelled in my brain. I got the jist of it, but have never found it particularly helpful for me personally.
While reading through the info on this website, I found myself inserting the 'alcoholic' for 'bi-polar' and this info makes total, concrete sense to me. It was an 'ah ha' moment.
Thanks EverHopeful for posting your experience here.
Here's the link to the website, "Out of the Fog." I linked directly to their article on "Intermittent Reinforcement" but I encourage to you look around the site. I'm posting it here in the hope that it might help someone else understand their involvment with the A in their life.
Good Roads,
Chick
Out of the FOG - Intermittent Reinforcement
***edited to add...sorry the link didn't seem to appear...a google search will land you in the right place.
Last edited by Chickadees; 05-30-2013 at 03:10 PM. Reason: link didn't show in post
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Good Golly... I might just be the Intermittent Chickadee. YIKES!
It's also kind of interesting that one of my previous screen names on another site was EternalOptimist. Yep, just sitting around waiting for the next pellet.
Thanks again EverHopeful for posting your experience.
It's also kind of interesting that one of my previous screen names on another site was EternalOptimist. Yep, just sitting around waiting for the next pellet.
Thanks again EverHopeful for posting your experience.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Originally Posted by Chickadees 
Good Golly... I might just be the Intermittent Chickadee. YIKES!
It's also kind of interesting that one of my previous screen names on another site was EternalOptimist. Yep, just sitting around waiting for the next pellet.
Thanks again EverHopeful for posting your experience.
It's also kind of interesting that one of my previous screen names on another site was EternalOptimist. Yep, just sitting around waiting for the next pellet.
Thanks again EverHopeful for posting your experience.
And you're very welcome - I'm so glad that other people have found it helpful.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Hi there,
I don't usually post on this side of the forum, but I really wanted to thank you for this post. I'm a sober alcoholic and all of my previous relationships have been with other alcoholics/addicts. For the first time in my life I started dating a "normie." But he behaved exactly how you're describing and I was THE intermittent chicken.
My therapist asked me why I put up with it for so long. "I thought that's how normal people dated," I said honestly and innocently. (It was my first relationship in sobriety and I really am clueless about how "normal" people date.) She told me she thought I had codependent tendencies, so I'm looking more at that now.
But your post helped put that last relationship into perspective for me. (He broke up with me by email and was never reliable about when he'd respond to me...) I've had such a hard time letting go and this has helped me make sense of it.
I was so starved that a few pellets here and there felt like a banquet. But never knew when the treats were going to arrive...Peck, peck, peck...haha
If I feel myself feeling sad, I just visualize myself as a pecking chicken and it reminds me to let it go.
Thanks a lot, this really has helped.
I don't usually post on this side of the forum, but I really wanted to thank you for this post. I'm a sober alcoholic and all of my previous relationships have been with other alcoholics/addicts. For the first time in my life I started dating a "normie." But he behaved exactly how you're describing and I was THE intermittent chicken.
My therapist asked me why I put up with it for so long. "I thought that's how normal people dated," I said honestly and innocently. (It was my first relationship in sobriety and I really am clueless about how "normal" people date.) She told me she thought I had codependent tendencies, so I'm looking more at that now.
But your post helped put that last relationship into perspective for me. (He broke up with me by email and was never reliable about when he'd respond to me...) I've had such a hard time letting go and this has helped me make sense of it.
I was so starved that a few pellets here and there felt like a banquet. But never knew when the treats were going to arrive...Peck, peck, peck...haha
If I feel myself feeling sad, I just visualize myself as a pecking chicken and it reminds me to let it go.
Thanks a lot, this really has helped.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
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Hi, CupofJoe and congrats on your sobriety! You know, we have a bit in common, in the fact that both of us were 'clueless' in our dating experience. You didn't have experience dating "normies," and not only didn't I have experience dating addicts, I really didn't have experience dating ANYBODY, addict or "normie!" I was with my XH from age 16 to age 35, and I had done very minimal to almost NO dating before I met him in high school. So no sooner do I end my marriage, I go right into first one and then another relationship with addicts and well, HERE I AM!!! LOL And we also were broken up with in similar ways, you by email, me by text - geez, maybe it's not an addict OR "normie" thing, maybe it's just a GUY thing....LOL!!
I'm glad my 'intermittent chicken' story helped you. I was hesitant to share it at first (mostly because I needed time to digest it myself, lol), but seeing how many people have identified with it, I'm glad I did.
You know, we have a bit in common, in the fact that both of us were 'clueless' in our dating experience. You didn't have experience dating "normies," and not only didn't I have experience dating addicts, I really didn't have experience dating ANYBODY, addict or "normie!" I was with my XH from age 16 to age 35, and I had done very minimal to almost NO dating before I met him in high school. So no sooner do I end my marriage, I go right into first one and then another relationship with addicts and well, HERE I AM!!! LOL And we also were broken up with in similar ways, you by email, me by text - geez, maybe it's not an addict OR "normie" thing, maybe it's just a GUY thing....LOL!! I'm glad my 'intermittent chicken' story helped you. I was hesitant to share it at first (mostly because I needed time to digest it myself, lol), but seeing how many people have identified with it, I'm glad I did.
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Location: Seeking Peace
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Great post Everhopeful! I read it last night and I've been mulling it over ever since!
CupofJoe...you know...it's funny you said that.
Yes, I was definitely an intermittent chicken. My exah's PROMISES of recovery kept me hooked in and crazy. There's no doubt about it.
But if I"m going to be honest (which I have to be if I"m going to work a good program), he was also the intermittent chicken. I was so full of anger, so condescending, so judgmental, so holier-than-thou, so manipulative with my exah in an effort to GET HIM SOBER and KEEP HIM SOBER it was unreal! I didn't see it that way at the time. I saw my actions as loving and encouraging. But I was keeping him hooked in too because when he gave me what I wanted (which was some sign of recovery, some admission that his drinking was a problem, some promise that things would change), I'd dole out all kinds of love, support and affection.
Holy Cripes! WE WERE BOTH INTERMITTENT CHICKENS...DOING THE CHICKEN DANCE!! What a sight we were! I never did like the chicken dance. I'm SO INCREDIBLY GLAD that I don't do it anymore.
I've moved on...now I'm doing the recovery shuffle!!
I like my new dance much better....even if it IS a solo act.
CupofJoe...you know...it's funny you said that.
Yes, I was definitely an intermittent chicken. My exah's PROMISES of recovery kept me hooked in and crazy. There's no doubt about it.
But if I"m going to be honest (which I have to be if I"m going to work a good program), he was also the intermittent chicken. I was so full of anger, so condescending, so judgmental, so holier-than-thou, so manipulative with my exah in an effort to GET HIM SOBER and KEEP HIM SOBER it was unreal! I didn't see it that way at the time. I saw my actions as loving and encouraging. But I was keeping him hooked in too because when he gave me what I wanted (which was some sign of recovery, some admission that his drinking was a problem, some promise that things would change), I'd dole out all kinds of love, support and affection.
Holy Cripes! WE WERE BOTH INTERMITTENT CHICKENS...DOING THE CHICKEN DANCE!! What a sight we were! I never did like the chicken dance. I'm SO INCREDIBLY GLAD that I don't do it anymore.
I've moved on...now I'm doing the recovery shuffle!!
I like my new dance much better....even if it IS a solo act.
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