GardenMama

My DD has relapsed on alcohol and weed. She even suggested to her 15 yo sister that if school gets too stressful, she should self medicate. (She says that this is clean--only using heroin again is considered a relapse.) She and her ABF are planning to leave the state this weekend for "work" in another state, 1000 miles away. What they are calling "ride share" is really hitchhiking. She told me last week that they plan to withdraw slowly off their last scrip of suboxone once they leave town. I don't see how this can end well.

My 15yo is with her now, and their dad is in town. I am numb. The last real interaction we had was when she called me lots of horrible names three weeks ago. She's tried to engage me with needs and questions since then, but I have asked her to arrange logistics around her need to get things from the house with her step-dad. It is a sad situation. I know I taught her values, how to apologize, etc. She asked her sister the other day, "how long do I have to stay sober for mom to let me in?" Really?!

It's confounding. I have found great support with my NarAnon group. Just reaching out here to my SR friends...

Kindeyes

Awwww GM....I am so very sorry. I know how very deeply this hurts a mother's heart.

You know you taught her manners. She knows you love her. But it sounds like she's just not done yet. And that is very hard to accept.

Sometimes.....when I'm having a tough time....I have some difficulty reaching out but you have done that....so that's so good. Also good that you have great support with your NarAnon Family.

It sounds like you are doing a good job of taking care of yourself.

Godspeed, GM.....everything happens in God's time. You and your dear daughter will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs from another mother
ke

atalose

So sorry you are going through this!!!

((hugs))

Keeping you and her in my prayers.

havehope

Sending hugs and prayers from another mom. It sounds like you are seeing this with eyes wide open. That's a good thing. I know that it still hurts to see/hear her like this, but I agree she is calling her own shots right now and she will have to feel her consequences. Hang in there. I sounds like you are doing what you need to do.

Anaya

Adding my prayers for you and your daughters.

Ann

GardenMama, she may be struggling but YOUR recovery is shining and you will be okay, however this unfolds.

I remember thinking I had all the answers when I was young...but drugs and alcohol were not part of my equation, just youthful dreams that didn't always make sense.

I will keep your daughters both in my prayers, and say a special one for you too as it's a hard job to be the mama of an addicted child.

Posse of Mamas sized hugs, from my heart to yours.

Maylie

I'm so sorry that you are hurting GardenMama but even through your pain your recovery shows through your strength to hold your boundaries, not engage, and take care of yourself. You are doing the only thing you can do when it comes to our addicts, take care of yourself. If she is capable of planning a "trip" 1,000 miles then she is more than capable of making a recovery plan but until she is ready there is nothing anyone can do to change it.

Don't ever doubt what you did as a mother. Of course you taught her manners, morals, how to love, how to love herself, etc. etc. etc. I know for a FACT that you did because just from reading your posts here and your responses to others there is no way someone with such a good heart as yours couldn't have taught their child those things and much much more. There is just no way possible. Deep down she still has that all in her head, but addiction overrides everything.

Before I was ready to truly be sober I thought like your DD. I thought I could drink and just smoke a little weed because hell it was just alcohol which is legal and some weed which is "harmless"! I also thought a month of sobriety was eternity and that after 2 weeks everyone should think I was so strong and amazing because when you start out recovery every day feels like a huge accomplishment and as the addict you don't realize that to the outside world 2 weeks or a month is nothing. Until I truly wanted to get sober and put my all into I continued to think that way and unfortunately, she just isn't ready to let the life style go.

Keep working on YOU and reaching out for support. It is SOOO important to reach out to our support systems because everyone around you loves and cares for you and for all you give to others you better believe that it will be given back to you ten fold..all you need to do is reach out. People can't help us if we don't ask since after all, no one is a mind reader!

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers today. Be extra gentle with yourself during this hard time.<<<hhhuuggggssss>>>

GardenMama

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and comments. Maylie, you really get what we are going through. Thanks for your insights and compassionate support. I am so grateful I have SR to turn to for the many hours I am not in a meeting...!

She's postponed her trip until Monday or so, leaving her sister and father hanging, wondering and worrying. I am just letting her go in my mind, to a place of safety, health and good fortune...leaving it up to her HP.

PresentTense

From one more empathetic mom, please take care of yourself...you said it all, her HP is in control, not your daughter, not you.

It's times like this that all the hard work pays off. Your recovery is certainly shining, even though your heart is hurting and many of our hearts are hurting right along with you in your pain.

Praying for you and your daughter...