feeling hurt and a bit bullied!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: auckland
Posts: 313
feeling hurt and a bit bullied!
As usual the mean girls at work are on fire. Informed my boss im starting a course and have started looking for work in that area. Mean girls are doing things like blocking me onfacebook, rolling their eyes if I talk about my new course, ignoring me etc so tired of it and so frustrated by not being able to afford to just leave this job. Its upsetting me every day. Still sober. But its hard because these are feelings I really don't want to feel.why are people so mean!! And why won't anything make me feel better like wine used to 
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
People are normally mean because they are insecure about themselves. Just remember you'll always be the better person if you don't react to their actions. How old are they anyway, 12?
Natom.
Natom.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
My work place is kinda similar. I get on quite well with my managers. You could even say we are friends. I don't get treated differently to anyone else but for some reason people like to assume I'm favoured or something. It's nicey nicey one minute and then people are backstabbing you the next. It's actually quite humourous. I try to stay out of all the office politics. I just get my head down, work and then clock out.
Natom.
Natom.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
My recovery has helped me learn that sometimes I don't need to punch people in the face to solve problems. More often than not I walk away knowing I was the bigger man because I didn't react and got on with what I'm paid to do.
Natom.
Natom.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
My experience in the work place has been
no different than many others as well. It's
so sad how people over the years still behave
cruelly towards others.
I left my 25 yr marriage 7 yrs ago to move
back to my hometown here in Baton Rouge.
It was by the Grace of my HP that my prayers
were answered and allowed me thru a job
interview, my free ticket, to move home again.
I applied for a bank teller position and got
the interview and position emmediately because
I had experience in banking many yrs. ago. Of
course things have changed over the yrs. with
more computer technology which was fairly new
in the 1970's-80.
Anyway, back then I was trained on the job
and there was no test to pass. This time I had
to study a manual and pass which I did but
learning the computer stumped me. All this
was done at another branch different from the
one I was to be stationed at.
I really bonded with the people at the branch
I trained at and felt like part of a family there.
Each morning the group prayed in a circle and
everyone was kind and loving.
When I returned to the branch I applied for,
the people there were mean and cruel towards
me, especially the head teller and other tellers.
Maybe they were jealous and insecure or
possibly threatened because I wasn't a
backstabber or gossiper. Anyway, I was
given a few months to train and get settled
but it didn't work out. There was too much
friction between me and the others and thus
was let go.
BUT.....
That was okay, because when I was back
in Houston praying to my HP for a way to
move back home, He, the Man upstairs
granted me my free ticket thru the bank
interview to get me back home and if it
didn't work out, at least I would be home.
Soon after, after searching for another
job, I was granted a gift with a job at
a bakery where I stayed for a few yrs,
till my divorse went thru and I remarried.
Now in my mid 50's, I let go of my working
days and all the drama that is attached to
working with others, managers that are verbally
abusive and all the back stabbing and competition
to hold onto a meanial job.
Maybe it's just me who has a problem with
others TELLING me what to do, or authority,
or just being to sensitive in the work place.
Maybe im not meant to work. Whatever it is
or was, im content here in my humble little
home, safe and secured and most of all, sober
away from the bullies of the world.
no different than many others as well. It's
so sad how people over the years still behave
cruelly towards others.
I left my 25 yr marriage 7 yrs ago to move
back to my hometown here in Baton Rouge.
It was by the Grace of my HP that my prayers
were answered and allowed me thru a job
interview, my free ticket, to move home again.
I applied for a bank teller position and got
the interview and position emmediately because
I had experience in banking many yrs. ago. Of
course things have changed over the yrs. with
more computer technology which was fairly new
in the 1970's-80.
Anyway, back then I was trained on the job
and there was no test to pass. This time I had
to study a manual and pass which I did but
learning the computer stumped me. All this
was done at another branch different from the
one I was to be stationed at.
I really bonded with the people at the branch
I trained at and felt like part of a family there.
Each morning the group prayed in a circle and
everyone was kind and loving.
When I returned to the branch I applied for,
the people there were mean and cruel towards
me, especially the head teller and other tellers.
Maybe they were jealous and insecure or
possibly threatened because I wasn't a
backstabber or gossiper. Anyway, I was
given a few months to train and get settled
but it didn't work out. There was too much
friction between me and the others and thus
was let go.
BUT.....
That was okay, because when I was back
in Houston praying to my HP for a way to
move back home, He, the Man upstairs
granted me my free ticket thru the bank
interview to get me back home and if it
didn't work out, at least I would be home.
Soon after, after searching for another
job, I was granted a gift with a job at
a bakery where I stayed for a few yrs,
till my divorse went thru and I remarried.
Now in my mid 50's, I let go of my working
days and all the drama that is attached to
working with others, managers that are verbally
abusive and all the back stabbing and competition
to hold onto a meanial job.
Maybe it's just me who has a problem with
others TELLING me what to do, or authority,
or just being to sensitive in the work place.
Maybe im not meant to work. Whatever it is
or was, im content here in my humble little
home, safe and secured and most of all, sober
away from the bullies of the world.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: South Yorkshire U.K
Posts: 313
I have had friends like these (HAD being the important word), so I know how you feel. The put downs etc. are just a means to control you/other people. It's powerless people trying to feel powerful - don't let them. It's their problem to deal with not yours, just concentrate on being you. Just smile and be nice - let them wear themselves down. I know it's easier said then done though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 291
A "JOB" is just that. Your "LIFE" is what is important. Block the negative one's from your social media (facebook, twitter, etc.). They have no place in your LIFE besides your work hours.
When you arrive at work each day, remember that you are there to perform a job for a certain number of hours to receive a paycheck. You do not have to make friends, but it is nice if you can be social and your co-workers can be social back. If you are not receiving kindness, then it is up to you to be the mature one and still be positive and kind. Remember, this is a JOB and once you check out for the day you have your LIFE.
You are sober and doing awesome. Do not let your Job interfere with you Life. You are a great person and have friends that love and support you.
When you arrive at work each day, remember that you are there to perform a job for a certain number of hours to receive a paycheck. You do not have to make friends, but it is nice if you can be social and your co-workers can be social back. If you are not receiving kindness, then it is up to you to be the mature one and still be positive and kind. Remember, this is a JOB and once you check out for the day you have your LIFE.
You are sober and doing awesome. Do not let your Job interfere with you Life. You are a great person and have friends that love and support you.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Enjoy your hateraid beaches!! (Sry this is long)
Your post hit a nerve for me!! I've been there in work environments too! Once, these jerks asked everyone in the office -except for me- what they'd like for lunch and went to buy lunch for everyone. I thought it was rude, but i knew what they were about. So, I popped the lunch I brought into the microwave, then I stepped outside. When I came back, my food was still cooking and set for WAY more time than I'd left it for. Burned to a crisp inedible. They were all sitting there eating and laughing. One of them even asked me what was the matter with my lunch. I was so upset. I excused myself and cried. Then I was very hungry for the rest of the day. HORRIBLE!!
I grew up in a household of women. You'd think once all grown up, they wouldn't behave this way. It's easy to chalk it up to bad, immature, juvenile behavior- or just drama. BUT the sad reality is, this is the way that a lot of women behave. It's cruel, hurtful, and it's bullying. If you've been targeted- their mission- breaking you. They feel they can dominate you and enjoy watching you squirm.
Probably, you're too nice (as they see it)or passive, smarter, prettier, thinner, funnier etc. You can't change many of those things. What you CAN do, be more assertive. "Be assertive, be, be, assertive!!!" (That's a cheer lol)
This means making eye contact, holding your head up, and walking confidently. Your speaking voice should be audible and direct, with clear annunciation- never scrambling with your words , addressing things concisely and professionally- relatively free of emotion. If someone rolls their eyes- "I'm sorry, do you have something in your eye?"No? "that's a relief." If they are speaking rudely- "Your tone is indicating something may be bothering you. Is there anything work related that you'd like to discuss?" No? "Fabulous."
You CAN address these things and IMO you should. Never participate in an altercation, you're better than that. But, taking the high road does not mean making yourself into a doormat or their whipping post. You teach people how to treat you, yes?
Don't even worry about their FB shenanigans. If they can get to you that easily, this will never end. Kindness doesn't kill, unfortunately! Assertiveness, confidence, boundaries- that's what's called for.
This will likely NOT be your last work experience similar to this one. They're miserable little vipers and you're going to have to learn to navigate these situations. Read up on assertiveness and adult bullying, bullying women, bullying in the workplace- etc.
Every challenge presents us with an opportunity to learn something and better ourselves. I always ask myself "What am I meant to learn through this?" Maybe it's time for you to learn how to be assertive or confident, to develop a thicker skin, or just to learn who/what is worth your time, or not worth your time.
That work situation I went through would NEVER happen to me now. I learned how to deal with that BS!
Hope this helps! Remember haters gonna hate.. LOL.
I grew up in a household of women. You'd think once all grown up, they wouldn't behave this way. It's easy to chalk it up to bad, immature, juvenile behavior- or just drama. BUT the sad reality is, this is the way that a lot of women behave. It's cruel, hurtful, and it's bullying. If you've been targeted- their mission- breaking you. They feel they can dominate you and enjoy watching you squirm.
Probably, you're too nice (as they see it)or passive, smarter, prettier, thinner, funnier etc. You can't change many of those things. What you CAN do, be more assertive. "Be assertive, be, be, assertive!!!" (That's a cheer lol)
This means making eye contact, holding your head up, and walking confidently. Your speaking voice should be audible and direct, with clear annunciation- never scrambling with your words , addressing things concisely and professionally- relatively free of emotion. If someone rolls their eyes- "I'm sorry, do you have something in your eye?"No? "that's a relief." If they are speaking rudely- "Your tone is indicating something may be bothering you. Is there anything work related that you'd like to discuss?" No? "Fabulous."
You CAN address these things and IMO you should. Never participate in an altercation, you're better than that. But, taking the high road does not mean making yourself into a doormat or their whipping post. You teach people how to treat you, yes?
Don't even worry about their FB shenanigans. If they can get to you that easily, this will never end. Kindness doesn't kill, unfortunately! Assertiveness, confidence, boundaries- that's what's called for.
This will likely NOT be your last work experience similar to this one. They're miserable little vipers and you're going to have to learn to navigate these situations. Read up on assertiveness and adult bullying, bullying women, bullying in the workplace- etc.
Every challenge presents us with an opportunity to learn something and better ourselves. I always ask myself "What am I meant to learn through this?" Maybe it's time for you to learn how to be assertive or confident, to develop a thicker skin, or just to learn who/what is worth your time, or not worth your time.
That work situation I went through would NEVER happen to me now. I learned how to deal with that BS!
Hope this helps! Remember haters gonna hate.. LOL.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 34
thats terrible, there are many asssholes in this world they are everywhere, you have to develope a thick skin and stop caring what those pathetic little sacks of shiit do. I got tired of people like that and one day they stopped bothering me or something i stopped caring (for the most part). i'm not dead inside i still have a lot of love I just don't care about people like that or belive/listen to their ********
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'd highly recommend closing your facebook account. It's really a colossal waste of time and nothing more than a drama/soap opera on the web. That way their opinions and drama truly don't matter at all, because you don't even see it or have a chance to react. I disabled my account about 3 years ago and it was one of the best things I ever did in my life.
You had a similar post to this about problems you were having with a co-worker a while back, and that one ended up with you taking the high road and your boss applauding your efforts in the end. This time should be no different - do your job as best as you can and act professionally. Avoid/ignore contact with the problem folks unless you need to directly interact with them on projects. All will be good in the end.
You had a similar post to this about problems you were having with a co-worker a while back, and that one ended up with you taking the high road and your boss applauding your efforts in the end. This time should be no different - do your job as best as you can and act professionally. Avoid/ignore contact with the problem folks unless you need to directly interact with them on projects. All will be good in the end.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I'd be tempted (thought I'm not suggesting it) to say "wow, you make this place feel JUST like jr.high"
FB? I think it's a bad bad idea to have coworkers as FB friends unless you are truly very close friends outside of work, and a person you will definitely continue to be real time friends with if the job ends. There are all kinds of reasons to not "friend" random coworkers. Not sure if they is why you are "blocked" or not, but seriously, they are doing you a favor on that one. Coworkers do NOT need to be all up in your business.
This is what I learned to do (I'm nearly 50 and have had many jobs, coworkers and mean girl situations). Before I leave the house. I look in the mirror and ask myself "Who are you?" and then I decide. Who am I? Now who does someone else want me to be, or who they THINK I am, etc. But who am I?
I get to decide, who I am, how I behave, what I feed my mind, the thoughts I dwell on, etc. ME, not them.
They may buzz around my head like irritating flies, but that doesn't mean I am horse dooky!
Rock on!
FB? I think it's a bad bad idea to have coworkers as FB friends unless you are truly very close friends outside of work, and a person you will definitely continue to be real time friends with if the job ends. There are all kinds of reasons to not "friend" random coworkers. Not sure if they is why you are "blocked" or not, but seriously, they are doing you a favor on that one. Coworkers do NOT need to be all up in your business.
This is what I learned to do (I'm nearly 50 and have had many jobs, coworkers and mean girl situations). Before I leave the house. I look in the mirror and ask myself "Who are you?" and then I decide. Who am I? Now who does someone else want me to be, or who they THINK I am, etc. But who am I?
I get to decide, who I am, how I behave, what I feed my mind, the thoughts I dwell on, etc. ME, not them.
They may buzz around my head like irritating flies, but that doesn't mean I am horse dooky!
Rock on!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
wow, there is some awesome advice here!
recently I was targeted by some mean girls.at work. it was all I could do to hold my head up around them. I was insecure to even speak. they were a little gossip-fest click, and had backstabbed each other over the years, but they will gang up, if they can hurt someone, or make someone the butt of their cruelty.
finally, I got tired of the rolling eyes, and stopped dead in my talking one day, to say "So what was so stupid about what I said"? I am talking about mean, pieceofshyte women.
I got angry, and that helped a bit, when I would confront the behaviors, but they still talk about you when it is over.
I find the advice my daughter gave me to be very good. She said,"Mom, they are like a pack of wolves, and if they smell fear, they will be on you. So don't show fear."
one time a foreman told me, "never let them see you sweat", when I was being heckled and abused on a production line (I was new and these girls were in a hurry).
it helps me to try to focus on my job- what I want to achieve today, think about good things in my life.
you are a strong woman, and maintaining your sobriety /clean state is awesome.
stand tall and remember, you have a wonderful future ahead, you are kind, and sweet, and they are their own reward. they have to be who they are.
they will find another person to be mean to, if you let it roll off of you.
Be proud of who you are, and i like the" meet the eyes "suggestion-that unnerves them!
recently I was targeted by some mean girls.at work. it was all I could do to hold my head up around them. I was insecure to even speak. they were a little gossip-fest click, and had backstabbed each other over the years, but they will gang up, if they can hurt someone, or make someone the butt of their cruelty.
finally, I got tired of the rolling eyes, and stopped dead in my talking one day, to say "So what was so stupid about what I said"? I am talking about mean, pieceofshyte women.
I got angry, and that helped a bit, when I would confront the behaviors, but they still talk about you when it is over.
I find the advice my daughter gave me to be very good. She said,"Mom, they are like a pack of wolves, and if they smell fear, they will be on you. So don't show fear."
one time a foreman told me, "never let them see you sweat", when I was being heckled and abused on a production line (I was new and these girls were in a hurry).
it helps me to try to focus on my job- what I want to achieve today, think about good things in my life.
you are a strong woman, and maintaining your sobriety /clean state is awesome.
stand tall and remember, you have a wonderful future ahead, you are kind, and sweet, and they are their own reward. they have to be who they are.
they will find another person to be mean to, if you let it roll off of you.
Be proud of who you are, and i like the" meet the eyes "suggestion-that unnerves them!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
I too am dealing with awful workplace drama. I feel your pain. I especially understand how it's easier to make sure you don't allow people like this in your life, but that you have to be side by side with them day after day just to earn your paycheck to live. I try so hard to act like I don't care because I know they feed on it bothering people. So hard sometimes though. Just wanted to let you know you're alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 58
My Mama always said if someone puts you down, it is just to make themselves feel better. Good for you for taking the high road and not stooping to their level. Office politics are all over the world. Different personalities..insecurities..jealousy. It all sucks..but like someone else said..it is not your life. Block out the negative..do a good job and go home to your real life. Congrats on staying sober through all of this Take care!
Take care!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 139
We Americans call them "haters". A hater is anyone who tries to make you feel bad for being successful. There's even a song called "hi hater" lol :
"You see me,
Hustle hard, stack paper [make money],
It's alright y'all haters
It's nothing, we major"
School sounds like a great plan! The more positive in your life, the better! GL
"You see me,
Hustle hard, stack paper [make money],
It's alright y'all haters
It's nothing, we major"
School sounds like a great plan! The more positive in your life, the better! GL
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