Tryingtoletgo3

STBXAH asked in court to be included iin medical for our son. No problem...so today I had to take our little guy to the dr because he is sick. Informed STBXAH and he answers that he is out of town and can't come. Ok..so we go and I don't put any more thought into it. Fast forward a few hours and I get a text. Our divorce has been filed and we have had a preliminary hearing only, I'm pregnant with his second son and he is out of town on vacation with his current girlfriend for the holiday weekend. I shouldn't be shocked, but he didn't even wait for the divorce to be finalized...OUCH! I am trying hard to just ignore it and enjoy my boys, but its stinging...its stinging a lot.

marie1960

Well, he certainly has shown you who he truly is!


I know this is a difficult time for you, but it sounds like the two of them deserve each other, at least if they are together they cannot be destroying other people's lives.

I have no respect for this type.

Hang in there, better days are to come for you, your son and precious new baby!

atalose

((hugs))

Sorry you are feeling the sting..........I can't help but laugh thinking that the new GF has the whole f'n hive.... talk about walking into a hornets nest...

Tryingtoletgo3

Thanks guys. Today is a new day and I am not going to let him into my thoughts today. I think it was the disrespectfulness of it all yesterday that stung. It seems humerous today given that he fed the judge a load of crap about being sober and changing his life...I know of the new gf, from work, and she is a pretty heavy duty addict. They fit well Regardless, who he is with and where he goes is not my property!

LexieCat

Good job! Keep it up!

wanttobehealthy

It's understandable to be hurt-- I am so sorry... Maybe a positive is that since he has a new enabler in the new gf, he will have less time/inclination to make your life miserable... I wish my xAH would meet someone and that could take his focus off of me....

Tryingtoletgo3

I am not sure what to think....STBXAH was given rights to be notified of medical for our son when we went to court. Fine. Our son was sick last week and into the weekend so I notified him and let him know when his drs appts were. For the first 3 days he seemed interested and claimed he would be at future appts, asked about our son, etc....Over the weekend we were back at the drs because he was getting worse so I sent a msg to dad, no response. After the first 3 days, he has completely stopped contact again. I had finally gotten myself to the point where I wasn't thinking of him or worrying about him and now that the court forced contact again, Im right back where we were. I know he said he was out of town but how hard would it be to answer about his son, even a generic "let me know" or something? So all weekend I have found myself worrying again. Is he in jail? Has he finally pulled the trigger with a bottle? Has he taken off to hide in another state again? Is he just on a massive binder? Or was my lawyer right about giving him rope and allowing him to hang himself (though I didn't expect it to happen so quickly.) I don't want to worry about him!! Our son has an important appt Friday that he claimed he would be at. Now I have to wait it out until Friday to see if he shows up or not and I feel like its driving me crazy again not knowing.

LexieCat

I suggest you document each text you sent him (with no response), and the fact that he isn't showing up to the doctor's appointments (in spite of notification). Maybe ask the receptionist at the doctor's office to note in the records that you were there, but he wasn't.

Your lawyer is right. You keep doing the right thing.

JenT1968

notifying him of illness/dr's appointments is the right thing to do, for your sanity though you have to let go of any expectation of a response, even an acknowledgement. Ido this with ex, occaissionally I get an acknowledgement, usually not.

I too have spent time wondering if he was ill/in an accident/in jail, because that would be the only things I could think of that would keep a person from acknowledging the message I'd sent/enquiring after child's health/asking to speak to child. Experience has taught me that he turns up alive/unhurt and not incarcerated, when it suits him either with accrimony or "business as usual" depending on what is ging on with him. Took me a long while to realise that he does not think and respond the way I do, so I do my bit, and then think no more of him.

it was a massive relief when my brain finally got this!

Tryingtoletgo3

Thanks for the advice Lexie! I have kept the texts on my phone so that I will have proof that he has not responded. I also keep everything because he has been known to lie and try to convince people that I am harrassing him (especially when i went no contact.) Anything to make people see him the way he wants and not as his true self.

Jen- you are so right about me needing to change my expectations. I know from the past that his priorities do not include his kids. There is no room for offspring when your life revolves around alcohol, pot and sex addictions.

I know in my head, but my heart sometimes needs a swift kick in the *ss and thankfully, you guys always provide that...Thank you! If he doesn't want to answer, that is his property. If he is in jail, not my problem! If he is dead, well, hopefully the divorce hurries up because I'm not burrying him

Tryingtoletgo3

I should have never complained about the peace and quiet. He's back and the recent contact I had with him was unnerving. We have an appointment coming up that we both will be attending for our son and the way he has spoken to me tonight has me scared to death now. Why is it that you break free from an abuser and the court system orders you right back into their abuse? This is so frustrating.