omg, how do i get thru this!?
once in a . . .
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
omg, how do i get thru this!?
(my introduction is on the Newcomer forum)
hi all -
(i got stuck for 5 minutes after typing that!)
i'm just dumbfounded and in total disbelief that *I* am in this position AGAIN - i did NOT give my permission for this crap to happen!!! :nono:
my AH left tuesday afternoon after 7 yrs of sobriety - oh, he came back a couple times that nite and then wednesday morning but i made him leave - (possibly in a calm voice even -)
so now i haven't seen or heard from (or of) him since then -
i'm trying to do "the right things" - take care of me, of financial obligations (very scary, i am unable to work), my 2 pet bunnies - - - i'm trying to stay positive, reading ALOT of the posts (glad i found this place!) -
i'm functioning - i'm acting "as if" everything is ok - inside i'm dying - i'm scared to death he's gonna manage to kill himself this time - i'm terrified about everything - i'm sad beyond words - and i am so very angry that if he was here right now, i think i'd kill him -
i think this would be so much easier if i had a date/time that it would be over!!! (+ then i think that is about the dumbest thing i've thought in a long time!)
my whole world crumbled and i have to go on like it didn't - isn't that just as insane???
those 7 yrs he was sober were just friggin' fantastic - i'm spoiled! i want that back and i want it back NOW!!!
where do i go to file a complaint??? someone has made a mistake, this is NOT MY LIFE!!!
B.
hi all -
(i got stuck for 5 minutes after typing that!)
i'm just dumbfounded and in total disbelief that *I* am in this position AGAIN - i did NOT give my permission for this crap to happen!!! :nono:
my AH left tuesday afternoon after 7 yrs of sobriety - oh, he came back a couple times that nite and then wednesday morning but i made him leave - (possibly in a calm voice even -)
so now i haven't seen or heard from (or of) him since then -
i'm trying to do "the right things" - take care of me, of financial obligations (very scary, i am unable to work), my 2 pet bunnies - - - i'm trying to stay positive, reading ALOT of the posts (glad i found this place!) -
i'm functioning - i'm acting "as if" everything is ok - inside i'm dying - i'm scared to death he's gonna manage to kill himself this time - i'm terrified about everything - i'm sad beyond words - and i am so very angry that if he was here right now, i think i'd kill him -
i think this would be so much easier if i had a date/time that it would be over!!! (+ then i think that is about the dumbest thing i've thought in a long time!)
my whole world crumbled and i have to go on like it didn't - isn't that just as insane???
those 7 yrs he was sober were just friggin' fantastic - i'm spoiled! i want that back and i want it back NOW!!!
where do i go to file a complaint??? someone has made a mistake, this is NOT MY LIFE!!!
B.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: trail of discovery
Posts: 2,472
Bluemoon, I am sorry that you are going through this.
You must know that you are powerless over any of his actions and choices. He makes those choices and you have no responsibility for them or him. All you can do is take care of you and let God or Higher Power, take care of him until he decides to do it for himself.
I know that it is not easy to "not" worry about a loved one, but worry will only make you a crazy person. Stick around and let us know how you are doing!
You must know that you are powerless over any of his actions and choices. He makes those choices and you have no responsibility for them or him. All you can do is take care of you and let God or Higher Power, take care of him until he decides to do it for himself.
I know that it is not easy to "not" worry about a loved one, but worry will only make you a crazy person. Stick around and let us know how you are doing!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Questions...
I didn't see your post in the Newcomer forum, so can you let me know why you can't work? If you can't work, do you receive disability?
Man, this is a tough situation ..... seven years sober, then he goes on a bender. Do you have any idea what caused him to fall off the wagon? I don't know what the laws are in your state, but where I live, if a spouse abandons you, you have the legal right to go to court and request financial aid from the spouse.
It sounds like, given the situation, you're handling it very well. My guess would be he's out at bar tearing a big drunk. Does he have a best friend/drinking buddy he hangs with? Does that buddy have a wife/girlfriend you can call to find out where they are.
Do you even want to really know where he is?????
At this point, you don't want him around you while he's using. Does he have - or did he have - a sponsor you can contact?
What can we do here to help you through this? Just ask the questions .... someone will have the answers.
You need peace in your life and it sounds like you had that for a long period of time. If he fell off the wagon after all this time, it could be job stress, personal stress, whatever. Do you know what might have caused this to happen????
Man, this is a tough situation ..... seven years sober, then he goes on a bender. Do you have any idea what caused him to fall off the wagon? I don't know what the laws are in your state, but where I live, if a spouse abandons you, you have the legal right to go to court and request financial aid from the spouse.
It sounds like, given the situation, you're handling it very well. My guess would be he's out at bar tearing a big drunk. Does he have a best friend/drinking buddy he hangs with? Does that buddy have a wife/girlfriend you can call to find out where they are.
Do you even want to really know where he is?????
At this point, you don't want him around you while he's using. Does he have - or did he have - a sponsor you can contact?
What can we do here to help you through this? Just ask the questions .... someone will have the answers.
You need peace in your life and it sounds like you had that for a long period of time. If he fell off the wagon after all this time, it could be job stress, personal stress, whatever. Do you know what might have caused this to happen????
once in a . . .
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
Originally Posted by Pony
You must know that you are powerless over any of his actions and choices. He makes those choices and you have no responsibility for them or him. All you can do is take care of you and let God or Higher Power, take care of him until he decides to do it for himself.
I know that it is not easy to "not" worry about a loved one, but worry will only make you a crazy person. Stick around and let us know how you are doing!
I know that it is not easy to "not" worry about a loved one, but worry will only make you a crazy person. Stick around and let us know how you are doing!
Originally Posted by Prodigal
I didn't see your post in the Newcomer forum, so can you let me know why you can't work? If you can't work, do you receive disability?
Originally Posted by Prodigal
Do you have any idea what caused him to fall off the wagon? I don't know what the laws are in your state, but where I live, if a spouse abandons you, you have the legal right to go to court and request financial aid from the spouse.
he didn't "fall" - HE JUMPED!
he made a conscious decision that it would be "easier" that way -
when he's drinking, he is NOT working - there IS nothing to request from him - he HAS nothing
Originally Posted by Prodigal
My guess would be he's out at bar tearing a big drunk. Does he have a best friend/drinking buddy he hangs with? Does that buddy have a wife/girlfriend you can call to find out where they are.
as for calling anyone/looking for him - - - well, i learned a long time ago that trying to track him down (or i could SAVE him) is a pointless waste of my time, energy and serenity - when he's sober and ready to work to stay that way, he'll call - (and 99% of the people we know are in AA and feel pretty much the same way - he is very alone right now - his choice)
Originally Posted by Prodigal
At this point, you don't want him around you while he's using. Does he have - or did he have - a sponsor you can contact?
Originally Posted by Prodigal
... If he fell off the wagon after all this time, it could be job stress, personal stress, whatever. Do you know what might have caused this to happen?????
he tried 3x to come home the 1st 24 hrs but was still wasted so i made him leave - see? it IS my fault!!! :laugh2:
i think i just need to keep hearing these things, i need to hear myself saying them to someone else, as well as being told them ... this post prob'ly sounds flippant - i don't know - maybe it's a self-preservation thing? if i don't try to laugh or at least be sarcastic, i feel like i will just fall into a zillion little pieces - even tho i'm "doing the right things", it still hurts unbearably - i'm terrified for me, i'm terrified for him, i'm just plain heart-broken -
i just need to whine + moan - he's always made it back alive but what if he doesn't this time?
oh yeah - NO "what if's" allowed!!!
thanks all - - -
B.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
BlueMoon
It sounds like you already have a lot of good recovery under your belt, and that will see you through. Like me, you know the drill, but we both hate the army.
It hurts to have the rug pulled out from under us. I KNOW that he didn't do it to you, he just did it, but it affects you and you need to take special care of yourself right now and get those feelings out, like you are doing here.
There's not much I can tell you that you don't already know, but just know that we're here and we care and we're walking with you.
Hugs
Ann
It sounds like you already have a lot of good recovery under your belt, and that will see you through. Like me, you know the drill, but we both hate the army.
It hurts to have the rug pulled out from under us. I KNOW that he didn't do it to you, he just did it, but it affects you and you need to take special care of yourself right now and get those feelings out, like you are doing here.
There's not much I can tell you that you don't already know, but just know that we're here and we care and we're walking with you.
Hugs
Ann
once in a . . .
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
Originally Posted by Ann
...It hurts to have the rug pulled out from under us....
Originally Posted by Ann
... I KNOW that he didn't do it to you, he just did it ...
another thing (besides addiction) that runs in my family is a warped sense of humor -
my Gramma had it *Perfected* and i've learned well -
when it comes right down to it, i'd rather laugh than cry - chances are, i've already cried about this subject before and there's GOTTA be a joke in it SOMEWHERE --- you don't need as many aspirin if you laugh for an hour as you do if you cry for an hour ---and i HATE head-aches!
come to think of it - i'm beginning to really hate BUTT-aches as well ---
think i'm a bit over-tired and getting punchy - thank you ALL!!!
this is a great site!!!
Blessings to all + good nite!
B.
Growing Up
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: right here
Posts: 614
Quote: Just ask the questions .... someone will have the answers.
That is absolutely classic.
I just want to support you Bluemoon. I think not letting him come back was really brave and the right thing to do.
That is absolutely classic.
I just want to support you Bluemoon. I think not letting him come back was really brave and the right thing to do.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: close to the FLAMES!!
Posts: 129
Wow! Whether you got your program thru Alanon or AA or counselling or wherever, it sounds like you've got some pretty sturdy tools to help you out right now (can I have some of what you've got?!).
This board has helped me out tremendously, I have gotten so much strength and hope here- it is my lifeline.
You made me laugh with your, "I've been ripped" comment- I have felt the same way before, sorta like going to buy an expensive car and realizing you've just bought a lemon (only 1000x worse, lol!). I never wanted to be dealt the cards I've been dealt, I never wanted to be w/ an alcoholic/ drug addict, yet here I am on round 3. But, thanks to Alanon and this forum, I have found happiness that I never knew existed, I have found some tools and I am slowly but surely finding me again.
Anyways, welcome and hope you stick around here!
-SFG29
This board has helped me out tremendously, I have gotten so much strength and hope here- it is my lifeline.
You made me laugh with your, "I've been ripped" comment- I have felt the same way before, sorta like going to buy an expensive car and realizing you've just bought a lemon (only 1000x worse, lol!). I never wanted to be dealt the cards I've been dealt, I never wanted to be w/ an alcoholic/ drug addict, yet here I am on round 3. But, thanks to Alanon and this forum, I have found happiness that I never knew existed, I have found some tools and I am slowly but surely finding me again.
Anyways, welcome and hope you stick around here!
-SFG29
once in a . . .
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
whiplash - "... I hope there was some light at the end of your tunnel today. ..."
thank you for the good toughts!
but haven't you heard?? Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off for an indefinite period of time!
-------
mountaingirl "... I think not letting him come back was really brave and the right thing to do. ..."
again, thank you for the support! but ya know - it feels more UN-brave to kick him out - - - i don't know if that makes any sense - - i was MORE afraid (of ME) to let him in than to make him go - - -
----
Ngaire - "... You have disability coming and it will probably come retroactive, your needs will be met. ..."
yes BUT - i'm still waiting on a hearing date - have been waiting for *2 years* with possibly 6 more months to go - no way to have the slightest clue HOW LONG it'll take - (heavy sigh) - - - landlords tend to frown on inability to pay rent - not to mention the electric company and the phone company!!!
ok - i just had to whine for a bit - i'm done for now
thank you!!!
--------
mary - THANK YOU! i truly appreciate that!
---------
sunflower - you made me laugh!!!
i was pretty sure that i'm not the only one who "feels ripped" at times! but now the burning question is ---------- who do we see about getting a refund!?!? better yet - where can i find a really good mechanic who will return things back to normal -- NORMAL???? sorry - forgot who i was taking about!
i got most of my program from AA, some from NA, and NOT ENOUGH from Al-anon -
he + i have been thu this enough times that now "auto-pilot" kicks on even after him being sober for 7yrs - feels weird that my auto-pilot is still so strong --- and automatic!!!
what has always bugged me is that i can stumble around doing "the right things" and it still friggin' HURTS!!! how fair is THAT!?!?!? (oopsy - another
word!
REALLY what bugs me is that i've done this so many times that i appear to know so darned much!!!
and sunflower - you are more than welcome to the positive stuff of anything i have --- (wait - i think i confused myself) --- right now it doesn't feel like i have much, for you to "want what i have" shows me/reminds me that i DO have ALOT of positive "stuff" in me -
thank you all for letting me vent my fears AND my weirdness ---
Blue
thank you for the good toughts!
but haven't you heard?? Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off for an indefinite period of time!
-------
mountaingirl "... I think not letting him come back was really brave and the right thing to do. ..."
again, thank you for the support! but ya know - it feels more UN-brave to kick him out - - - i don't know if that makes any sense - - i was MORE afraid (of ME) to let him in than to make him go - - -
----
Ngaire - "... You have disability coming and it will probably come retroactive, your needs will be met. ..."
yes BUT - i'm still waiting on a hearing date - have been waiting for *2 years* with possibly 6 more months to go - no way to have the slightest clue HOW LONG it'll take - (heavy sigh) - - - landlords tend to frown on inability to pay rent - not to mention the electric company and the phone company!!!
ok - i just had to whine for a bit - i'm done for now
thank you!!!
--------
mary - THANK YOU! i truly appreciate that!
---------
sunflower - you made me laugh!!!
i was pretty sure that i'm not the only one who "feels ripped" at times! but now the burning question is ---------- who do we see about getting a refund!?!? better yet - where can i find a really good mechanic who will return things back to normal -- NORMAL???? sorry - forgot who i was taking about!
i got most of my program from AA, some from NA, and NOT ENOUGH from Al-anon -
he + i have been thu this enough times that now "auto-pilot" kicks on even after him being sober for 7yrs - feels weird that my auto-pilot is still so strong --- and automatic!!!
what has always bugged me is that i can stumble around doing "the right things" and it still friggin' HURTS!!! how fair is THAT!?!?!? (oopsy - another
word! REALLY what bugs me is that i've done this so many times that i appear to know so darned much!!!
and sunflower - you are more than welcome to the positive stuff of anything i have --- (wait - i think i confused myself) --- right now it doesn't feel like i have much, for you to "want what i have" shows me/reminds me that i DO have ALOT of positive "stuff" in me -
thank you all for letting me vent my fears AND my weirdness ---
Blue
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Blue,
Not much I can add except ((hug)) Sorry this stuff has to happen. It sounds like you have a lot of recovery so you know what to do, it just sux that this happened.
I recommend a bubble bath, good book, maybe a movie with MEL GIBSON in it. Mel is good medicine, he's often the cure for what ails me.
Hugs and love
Barb
Not much I can add except ((hug)) Sorry this stuff has to happen. It sounds like you have a lot of recovery so you know what to do, it just sux that this happened.
I recommend a bubble bath, good book, maybe a movie with MEL GIBSON in it. Mel is good medicine, he's often the cure for what ails me.
Hugs and love
Barb
once in a . . .
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
(giggling)
Sean Connery is MY 'cure of choice' - (i REFUSE to believe that man is 70!!)
Mel just doesn't do it for me
a bubble bath sounds nice!! maybe while my very late supper of baked potato is cookin' ---- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
i may have some solid time in recovery - doesn't always *feel* that way tho - i isolate ALOT and i know during times of stress, i NEED to 'talk' to people more, esp. now - it's VERY hard for me to do!
but i think i'll go get that bubble bath going .....
******** hugs to all }}}}
Blue
Sean Connery is MY 'cure of choice' - (i REFUSE to believe that man is 70!!)
Mel just doesn't do it for me
a bubble bath sounds nice!! maybe while my very late supper of baked potato is cookin' ---- mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
i may have some solid time in recovery - doesn't always *feel* that way tho - i isolate ALOT and i know during times of stress, i NEED to 'talk' to people more, esp. now - it's VERY hard for me to do!
but i think i'll go get that bubble bath going .....
******** hugs to all }}}}
Blue
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