????
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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????
How long does it take to really accept you are powerless over alcohol I know I am but truly accept it might b on step one for along time and that's ok just over thinking and feeling like I've lost my fun life cause I know it wasn't in the end .
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
I think it's different for everyone. In my experience, I accepted this step before I went to my first meeting. I felt that the reason I was going was because I had accepted this step but then I had been moderating, controlling and temporarily quitting for years so I was feeling utterly ready to finish with alcohol. I'm not saying you aren't buy that's how the decision felt for me, in my head.
I can't over think it as I'd send myself mad. What if I relapse after 20 years. I have more fun now and my biggest danger is forgetting how bad I was.
S x
I can't over think it as I'd send myself mad. What if I relapse after 20 years. I have more fun now and my biggest danger is forgetting how bad I was.
S x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 577
I think it's natural to lament the loss of our fun "party" days...but for most of us, they were long gone by the time we got here!! I felt like I was missing out on something for a couple years when the weekends would roll by.
There really will be a fun life for you sober. The more stuff you do, the more you will see that it really IS better with a clear head & no wasted, unpredictable behavior. Sometimes when with friends who can drink and stop after a reasonable amount("normies"), I will begin that whiny..."why me? why can't I drink?" Oh yeah....I'm an alcoholic. When I drink, I destroy relationships, cars & my life.
There really will be a fun life for you sober. The more stuff you do, the more you will see that it really IS better with a clear head & no wasted, unpredictable behavior. Sometimes when with friends who can drink and stop after a reasonable amount("normies"), I will begin that whiny..."why me? why can't I drink?" Oh yeah....I'm an alcoholic. When I drink, I destroy relationships, cars & my life.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I think the "aha!" moment is different for everyone, and depends on our area of sensitivity and our priorities. For some people a legal situation like a DUI or crash or bar fight and assault charges are their "I'm done" moment. Other people see the damage they are doing to their kids. Another wakes up in their own vomit and says " how did I become this person?"
It takes what it takes.
Some of us seem to have to go out there and try it again to see if maybe we were too hasty in our decision to quit and it wasn't THAT bad...
I think what it takes to admit that we are powerless is an experience that lays it out before us SO clearly that denial is no longer possible. An experience that breaks through our fog of lies and justifications and excuses we've built around ourselves. We can't truly admit it until we believe it's true.
I am not powerless in my life. But I am powerless when I give myself over to something (a substance or behavior) that has the ability to over ride my ability to make choices for myself. unfortunately there is not safe word with alcohol. We can't stay in that abusive relationship and when things get scary say the safe word and it backs off. We have to leave the relationship and not go back, because when we do...we get tied up and whipped again and it's uncertain whether or not we can break free on our own.
Booze and drugs have the ability to over ride my ability to make good choices for myself. If I take them, I become powerless. So I can apply the power I have sober to say no to using them.
It takes what it takes.
Some of us seem to have to go out there and try it again to see if maybe we were too hasty in our decision to quit and it wasn't THAT bad...
I think what it takes to admit that we are powerless is an experience that lays it out before us SO clearly that denial is no longer possible. An experience that breaks through our fog of lies and justifications and excuses we've built around ourselves. We can't truly admit it until we believe it's true.
I am not powerless in my life. But I am powerless when I give myself over to something (a substance or behavior) that has the ability to over ride my ability to make choices for myself. unfortunately there is not safe word with alcohol. We can't stay in that abusive relationship and when things get scary say the safe word and it backs off. We have to leave the relationship and not go back, because when we do...we get tied up and whipped again and it's uncertain whether or not we can break free on our own.
Booze and drugs have the ability to over ride my ability to make good choices for myself. If I take them, I become powerless. So I can apply the power I have sober to say no to using them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by Threshold 
I think the "aha!" moment is different for everyone, and depends on our area of sensitivity and our priorities. For some people a legal situation like a DUI or crash or bar fight and assault charges are their "I'm done" moment. Other people see the damage they are doing to their kids. Another wakes up in their own vomit and says " how did I become this person?"
It takes what it takes.
Some of us seem to have to go out there and try it again to see if maybe we were too hasty in our decision to quit and it wasn't THAT bad...
I think what it takes to admit that we are powerless is an experience that lays it out before us SO clearly that denial is no longer possible. An experience that breaks through our fog of lies and justifications and excuses we've built around ourselves. We can't truly admit it until we believe it's true.
I am not powerless in my life. But I am powerless when I give myself over to something (a substance or behavior) that has the ability to over ride my ability to make choices for myself. unfortunately there is not safe word with alcohol. We can't stay in that abusive relationship and when things get scary say the safe word and it backs off. We have to leave the relationship and not go back, because when we do...we get tied up and whipped again and it's uncertain whether or not we can break free on our own.
Booze and drugs have the ability to over ride my ability to make good choices for myself. If I take them, I become powerless. So I can apply the power I have sober to say no to using them.
It takes what it takes.
Some of us seem to have to go out there and try it again to see if maybe we were too hasty in our decision to quit and it wasn't THAT bad...
I think what it takes to admit that we are powerless is an experience that lays it out before us SO clearly that denial is no longer possible. An experience that breaks through our fog of lies and justifications and excuses we've built around ourselves. We can't truly admit it until we believe it's true.
I am not powerless in my life. But I am powerless when I give myself over to something (a substance or behavior) that has the ability to over ride my ability to make choices for myself. unfortunately there is not safe word with alcohol. We can't stay in that abusive relationship and when things get scary say the safe word and it backs off. We have to leave the relationship and not go back, because when we do...we get tied up and whipped again and it's uncertain whether or not we can break free on our own.
Booze and drugs have the ability to over ride my ability to make good choices for myself. If I take them, I become powerless. So I can apply the power I have sober to say no to using them.
one day at a time
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
The 3rd step was my 1st step and it worked excellently for me. I turned my life and will over to the care of a god I didn't (and still don't) understand when I first saw the step on the wall in detox, and I haven't picked up a drink since. Almost 3 decades.
I didn't understand powerlessness, nor did I entirey believe I was in relation to any kind of substance. Just didn't make sense to me. I also had to hold onto the bottle, in my mind... just in case. I really lived it a day at a time. If I wanted to drink I'd say I just won't drink now. If I still want to tomorrow, then I will. I guess that's living it 2 days at a time, actually.
If you have the time the one story I have in my blog is my detailed experience with me coming to learn, believe, and accept that I am indeed powerless over alcohol. Many people say it's a requirement to get this step before you can get sober, but that wasn't the case with me.
I didn't understand powerlessness, nor did I entirey believe I was in relation to any kind of substance. Just didn't make sense to me. I also had to hold onto the bottle, in my mind... just in case. I really lived it a day at a time. If I wanted to drink I'd say I just won't drink now. If I still want to tomorrow, then I will. I guess that's living it 2 days at a time, actually.
If you have the time the one story I have in my blog is my detailed experience with me coming to learn, believe, and accept that I am indeed powerless over alcohol. Many people say it's a requirement to get this step before you can get sober, but that wasn't the case with me.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
It took me years - like 6 years. Probably not the answer you wanted to hear... Not that it takes that long for everyone of course. I was just... I don't know, stubborn I guess.
I failed to see the obvious, hitting me over the head evidence that was all around me every day. I could rationalize EVERYTHING.
I wish I could tell you about some magic formula I discovered which turned on the lights for me. But I don't have anything like that for you.
BUT - when I did get it, I got it. Sober now almost 6 years and going strong. No matter how long it takes or how difficult it is, it's worth it to keep going and work at it until you have it. I've never been happier.
I failed to see the obvious, hitting me over the head evidence that was all around me every day. I could rationalize EVERYTHING.
I wish I could tell you about some magic formula I discovered which turned on the lights for me. But I don't have anything like that for you.
BUT - when I did get it, I got it. Sober now almost 6 years and going strong. No matter how long it takes or how difficult it is, it's worth it to keep going and work at it until you have it. I've never been happier.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
you know, when you really accept it in your heart, you have a new feeling of freedom. just think, you no longer have to worry about alcohol. no counting the drinks, no worrying about hiding liquor, no fear the night after a blackout, no hangovers, no shame in what you did because you weren't in control of yourself, no fear about liquor and your health. and all you have to do is say no to the first drink. because after that first drink, you turn from being in a strong state to being weakened. once alcohol is in you, the craving is immense and our desire to drink rises astronomically. if you avoid that drink and make a habit of it, it's easier to continue to do that. if you are obsessing over drinking, it's probably because you don't truly accept that alcohol is stronger than you are. if you engage it and decide to try to fight it through moderation, it will win. all you can do is not engage it at all. it can't fight with you if you're not willing to fight with it. you have power over whether or not you enter the fight. when you drink, you are choosing to pick a fight with booze. that's like going up to a prize boxer and giving him a right hook. you wouldn't do that, would you? you know you're going to get your ass whooped. so why choose to pick a fight with the bottle? no, best to walk on by and leave that fighter alone. no matter how it calls your name and taunts you, you know the outcome of that match. so choose to not engage.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,031
Hey thanks guys so much I have my good days and bad I suppose great topic today in meeting was new sober life WOW I love when I lay my head down at night knowing I have lived as much as god intended love seeing my kids happy clean validated could go on I don't want my old life back I accept I needed the dark to see the light I'm in the process of truly letting go of my old life I accept I'm powerless over this and I truly thank and love that u guys took the time to help me and I say thank you nice to feel not alone
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 115
I quit drinking for 2 reasons.... 1. I was sick & tired of hangovers and I was ashamed of the things I did and said whilst drunk and 2. I didn't want my new granddaughter to have a drunk for a Grandmother.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by Talana
I quit drinking for 2 reasons.... 1. I was sick & tired of hangovers and I was ashamed of the things I did and said whilst drunk and 2. I didn't want my new granddaughter to have a drunk for a Grandmother.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
My brother was an alcoholic. I knew by definition what an alcoholic was. I knew I was an alcoholic. I did not want to do anything about it.
For me accepting was surrender. To reach out my hand and ask for help and accept that help. I did not trust anyone. I only trusted myself and that was not getting me anywhere. I had went to AA in the past but not only did I not reach out for help I did not accept any. I honestly don't remember being like it is now. I went to meetings. I bought the books. I had a home group and a sponsor but I was not really there. There were times I read the Big Book and some things made sense but not like now.
I was sitting here trying to think of the right word and it came to me. It was a leap of faith. It is like seeing something horrible or beautiful and once you see it, you can't unsee it.
I guess for me it was more of a feeling. Once I felt it, I could not ignore it. So I surrendered to it.
For me accepting was surrender. To reach out my hand and ask for help and accept that help. I did not trust anyone. I only trusted myself and that was not getting me anywhere. I had went to AA in the past but not only did I not reach out for help I did not accept any. I honestly don't remember being like it is now. I went to meetings. I bought the books. I had a home group and a sponsor but I was not really there. There were times I read the Big Book and some things made sense but not like now.
I was sitting here trying to think of the right word and it came to me. It was a leap of faith. It is like seeing something horrible or beautiful and once you see it, you can't unsee it.
I guess for me it was more of a feeling. Once I felt it, I could not ignore it. So I surrendered to it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by GracieLou
My brother was an alcoholic. I knew by definition what an alcoholic was. I knew I was an alcoholic. I did not want to do anything about it.
For me accepting was surrender. To reach out my hand and ask for help and accept that help. I did not trust anyone. I only trusted myself and that was not getting me anywhere. I had went to AA in the past but not only did I not reach out for help I did not accept any. I honestly don't remember being like it is now. I went to meetings. I bought the books. I had a home group and a sponsor but I was not really there. There were times I read the Big Book and some things made sense but not like now.
I was sitting here trying to think of the right word and it came to me. It was a leap of faith. It is like seeing something horrible or beautiful and once you see it, you can't unsee it.
I guess for me it was more of a feeling. Once I felt it, I could not ignore it. So I surrendered to it.
For me accepting was surrender. To reach out my hand and ask for help and accept that help. I did not trust anyone. I only trusted myself and that was not getting me anywhere. I had went to AA in the past but not only did I not reach out for help I did not accept any. I honestly don't remember being like it is now. I went to meetings. I bought the books. I had a home group and a sponsor but I was not really there. There were times I read the Big Book and some things made sense but not like now.
I was sitting here trying to think of the right word and it came to me. It was a leap of faith. It is like seeing something horrible or beautiful and once you see it, you can't unsee it.
I guess for me it was more of a feeling. Once I felt it, I could not ignore it. So I surrendered to it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
It does seem that we get messages.
I have had them happen. Maybe they were there before and I was just not willing to see them.
I was having a rough time a couple weeks ago and my sponsor mentioned H.A.L.T and the next day the AA meeting was on that very subject.
I was having a hard time understanding the higher power stuff so I was reading the BB and it was suggested to get a copy of The Upper Room. I have never heard of it before and I figured since the BB was written so long ago it was obsolete anyway. I was leaving a meeting at a church and I was glancing at the church literature, which I had never done before, and there as a one lone copy for sale. I bought it.
My sponsor suggested I read the four Absolutes and that night the meeting was on that subject.
It is like messages are being put directly in my path when I need them most.
I have had them happen. Maybe they were there before and I was just not willing to see them.
I was having a rough time a couple weeks ago and my sponsor mentioned H.A.L.T and the next day the AA meeting was on that very subject.
I was having a hard time understanding the higher power stuff so I was reading the BB and it was suggested to get a copy of The Upper Room. I have never heard of it before and I figured since the BB was written so long ago it was obsolete anyway. I was leaving a meeting at a church and I was glancing at the church literature, which I had never done before, and there as a one lone copy for sale. I bought it.
My sponsor suggested I read the four Absolutes and that night the meeting was on that subject.
It is like messages are being put directly in my path when I need them most.
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