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Join Date: May 2013
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new here
hello all,
my story, I have been dating this girl for about a year now and have no idea what to do?
Her background: when she was 8 she was taken from her home by DCFS. Father in prison, mother alcoholic. From there she bounced around from foster homes until she was 15 when she emancipated herself. For the next/past 13 years she has been on her own.
She has been in contact with her mom who still drinks, sister possible heron addiction, brother just released from prison for drugs and is in contact with her biological father that has just been released from prison.
Early in the relationship, i learned that she smoked weed. I didn't mind, i had also noticed that whenever we would go out and she would drink she would get abusive. She was never one to drink at home, it was only when we would go out. So I just stopped taking her to places that had alcohol. That worked.
Later in the relationship, I would sometimes catch her with pills that were in plastic baggies. Narcos (sp?) and other muscle relaxers she would claim them to be. She told that she would only take them when she would have really bad cramps. She said that her girlfriend gave them to her because she does not have insurance to see a doctor.
Later she would say that she is taking them to help her sleep.
There have been so many red flags, but I guess that I was just lying to myself. And I have lied to myself through some pretty big red flags like having to spoon feed a completely comatose girlfriend.
A lot of the responses and advice that I have read has to do with loved ones that have been already confronted and have ditched rehab.
But for me, I haven't spoken to her about it. All problems in our relationship, I've pointed to other causes. There are no other reasons; it's all the cause of the addiction.
My life has been torn apart this. It's like trying to hold a conversation of importance with someone that does not speak your language.
She has been let down by everyone that has been in her life and i am finding it impossible to do the same.
How do I approach her about the addiction? How do I draw lines and what should those lines even be? This is the first time I have ever done this, and I believe, after seeing support system, that this is the first time that she has ever had this conversation as well.
my story, I have been dating this girl for about a year now and have no idea what to do?
Her background: when she was 8 she was taken from her home by DCFS. Father in prison, mother alcoholic. From there she bounced around from foster homes until she was 15 when she emancipated herself. For the next/past 13 years she has been on her own.
She has been in contact with her mom who still drinks, sister possible heron addiction, brother just released from prison for drugs and is in contact with her biological father that has just been released from prison.
Early in the relationship, i learned that she smoked weed. I didn't mind, i had also noticed that whenever we would go out and she would drink she would get abusive. She was never one to drink at home, it was only when we would go out. So I just stopped taking her to places that had alcohol. That worked.
Later in the relationship, I would sometimes catch her with pills that were in plastic baggies. Narcos (sp?) and other muscle relaxers she would claim them to be. She told that she would only take them when she would have really bad cramps. She said that her girlfriend gave them to her because she does not have insurance to see a doctor.
Later she would say that she is taking them to help her sleep.
There have been so many red flags, but I guess that I was just lying to myself. And I have lied to myself through some pretty big red flags like having to spoon feed a completely comatose girlfriend.
A lot of the responses and advice that I have read has to do with loved ones that have been already confronted and have ditched rehab.
But for me, I haven't spoken to her about it. All problems in our relationship, I've pointed to other causes. There are no other reasons; it's all the cause of the addiction.
My life has been torn apart this. It's like trying to hold a conversation of importance with someone that does not speak your language.
She has been let down by everyone that has been in her life and i am finding it impossible to do the same.
How do I approach her about the addiction? How do I draw lines and what should those lines even be? This is the first time I have ever done this, and I believe, after seeing support system, that this is the first time that she has ever had this conversation as well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,347
Hi gumchewer
Maybe trying to ignore the problem and never speaking of it, blaming everything else is really letting her down too, in a way?
You know it's a problem. Whats holding you back from talking to her about this, exactly?
I know you'll find a lot of support here
D
Maybe trying to ignore the problem and never speaking of it, blaming everything else is really letting her down too, in a way?
You know it's a problem. Whats holding you back from talking to her about this, exactly?
I know you'll find a lot of support here
D
Last edited by Dee74; 05-20-2013 at 10:28 PM. Reason: forum blindness
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome, and I hope you will feel less alone having reached out here.
Your noble desire to be someone your addict girlfriend can trust and count on must--absolutely must--be met by her own mutual dependable, trustworthy treatment of you.
What many of us here have painfully had to face and to accept is that a relationship with a person in active addiction is unsustainable. It will disintegrate from the betrayals and the lies. Whatever motivates a person to live the drug lifestyle is deep and complex and, ultimately, not our business. It is the addict's business. Here we say "Hands off the addict" because we know that managing another adult in any way is destructive to the integrity of both parties. We cannot ignore the elephant in the room. We can set boundaries and say "I will not have a relationship with anyone who abuses drugs." But dealing with the addiction is the addict's responsibility.
You will need support to be able to stop treating her like a child and to instead take a clear-headed look at whether or not she can meet you as an equal and dependable partner and grow a relationship that is a mutual blessing to you both.
Right now addiction is controlling her and it is controlling you. There is little freedom to be yourself. It is wrapping its tentacles around your life. You need help.
Many of us found support in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings. There will be some there where you live. You are in over your head in this, and you could unconsciously make wrong turns that are not only very bad for you but also very bad for her. My guess is that today you made at least one. And tomorrow you will likely do the same.
I hope you can find some meetings and pick up the literature. And we have good information here linked to the "Sticky" entries on the opening page. As well as very strong articles on the blog from our forum member named Cynical One.
Your situation is a classic case of a codependent enabling someone in active addiction. It does not grow anything good. But you can become educated and when you are conscious of what is happening, you can make good decisions.
Your noble desire to be someone your addict girlfriend can trust and count on must--absolutely must--be met by her own mutual dependable, trustworthy treatment of you.
What many of us here have painfully had to face and to accept is that a relationship with a person in active addiction is unsustainable. It will disintegrate from the betrayals and the lies. Whatever motivates a person to live the drug lifestyle is deep and complex and, ultimately, not our business. It is the addict's business. Here we say "Hands off the addict" because we know that managing another adult in any way is destructive to the integrity of both parties. We cannot ignore the elephant in the room. We can set boundaries and say "I will not have a relationship with anyone who abuses drugs." But dealing with the addiction is the addict's responsibility.
You will need support to be able to stop treating her like a child and to instead take a clear-headed look at whether or not she can meet you as an equal and dependable partner and grow a relationship that is a mutual blessing to you both.
Right now addiction is controlling her and it is controlling you. There is little freedom to be yourself. It is wrapping its tentacles around your life. You need help.
Many of us found support in Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings. There will be some there where you live. You are in over your head in this, and you could unconsciously make wrong turns that are not only very bad for you but also very bad for her. My guess is that today you made at least one. And tomorrow you will likely do the same.
I hope you can find some meetings and pick up the literature. And we have good information here linked to the "Sticky" entries on the opening page. As well as very strong articles on the blog from our forum member named Cynical One.
Your situation is a classic case of a codependent enabling someone in active addiction. It does not grow anything good. But you can become educated and when you are conscious of what is happening, you can make good decisions.
Orange Lily
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 100
Welcome to the forum- all of us here are here to support you through this time. I know how hard it is to admit and try to come to grips with the reality of our respective situations, but we're all here for you.
This, this, and this.
Like your GF, my AXBF was one of those who "fell through the cracks"-- father alcoholic that beat him, addict mother, broken family. He left to live on his own at 16. And like you, I convinced myself that everyone else had let him down and it was MY job to make sure he would be taken care of. "I'm strong enough!", I had thought. I was so naive-- because his addiction was nothing I was ever prepared to handle.
You do have a choice to not support her-- for your own sanity, health, and safety.
I can absolutely attest that the more I tried to hold on and downplay the addictive behaviors, the more the relationship disintegrated, till now there's nothing but bitterness and regret.
I know it hurts, but I beg you to think of your sanity-- because the longer you stay, the more this will eat at you.
As for how to approach her, with love. But be ready for her to fight until the bitter end the ability to continue doing what she's doing. Unless she wants to stop, she won't.
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden 
What many of us here have painfully had to face and to accept is that a relationship with a person in active addiction is unsustainable. It will disintegrate from the betrayals and the lies.
Like your GF, my AXBF was one of those who "fell through the cracks"-- father alcoholic that beat him, addict mother, broken family. He left to live on his own at 16. And like you, I convinced myself that everyone else had let him down and it was MY job to make sure he would be taken care of. "I'm strong enough!", I had thought. I was so naive-- because his addiction was nothing I was ever prepared to handle.
You do have a choice to not support her-- for your own sanity, health, and safety.
I can absolutely attest that the more I tried to hold on and downplay the addictive behaviors, the more the relationship disintegrated, till now there's nothing but bitterness and regret.
I know it hurts, but I beg you to think of your sanity-- because the longer you stay, the more this will eat at you.
As for how to approach her, with love. But be ready for her to fight until the bitter end the ability to continue doing what she's doing. Unless she wants to stop, she won't.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
Sometimes one has to become vulnerabable to learn. Take 20 minutes and listen to this talk by Brene Brown. People don't change until how they are living becomes to uncomfortable. I have a boyfriend who once gave me everything, I wanted $100 at 4am and he would get me it. NOT anymore. He will no longer enable me to be a drug addict. Sure was a happy girlfriend, sometimes yes, was I spoiled yes. But our relationship suffered. When he stood up, I was like eff that. I want what I want, when i want and will get what I want. Sounds so selfish and it is and was. I can see now that I almost believed that. The stupid thing I also thought what I was doing didnt effect him, his feelings or anything but his wallet. I was so wrong. Once I got my head straight he told me it all. I know this a little deep but she needs to be told you care, you support her but you can not support a drug addiction. A drug addiction isnt who we are, its a character defect. I like to tell my boyfriend you snore and I like to do heroin. We all have character defects. If she had lime disease you wouldn't dis own her and I hope she knows that. However in order to be inline with our own personal morals we have to have boudaries and respect them. Once you set the boudaries stick to them. Once you say you will support her, please do but don't enable her. Its a fine line. Maybe tell her you will go to counseling with her. She should trust you enough to tell you. It won't be easy but it is possible. If you want it, work it and you will get it. Take care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
Thank you all,
Update from my last post.
Her sister is not on heron, it's my girlfriend that is using it. She is using something called, "cheese." She is also popping 12 pills a-day. Her sister is not using at all. I was unable to get a hold of my girlfriend and called her sister, and while on the phone with her sister, my gf texts me saying, "I'm with my sister, her bf just beat her up."
I have looked and found nar-anon meetings in my area and plan to go this week.
Knowing the true cause of the problem, i feel has given me a little strength. I just want to make sure that I attack it in the right way. Her sister has said that she has told her before that she has a problem, but is not ready for help. She has never told me this, and the conversation has never come up about her using. I don't support her addiction financially, never have, but i have emotionally by never calling her on it.
It make sense that she will continue until her life becomes uncomfortable. I see that happening when it becomes uncomfortable to be around the people that she gets high with or those who she get's her drugs from.
Is it possible to get her back in the same way that i stopped her abusive actions when she drank? I never told her that I am not taking her to places that had alcohol, I just did it. Is it possible to remove those that she gets high with in order to push the feeling of uncomfortable because the people around her are not getting high?
call it manipulative, but I've always found things to go smoother/easier when people arrive at your point of view without them ever knowing you pushed them in that direction.
Update from my last post.
Her sister is not on heron, it's my girlfriend that is using it. She is using something called, "cheese." She is also popping 12 pills a-day. Her sister is not using at all. I was unable to get a hold of my girlfriend and called her sister, and while on the phone with her sister, my gf texts me saying, "I'm with my sister, her bf just beat her up."
I have looked and found nar-anon meetings in my area and plan to go this week.
Knowing the true cause of the problem, i feel has given me a little strength. I just want to make sure that I attack it in the right way. Her sister has said that she has told her before that she has a problem, but is not ready for help. She has never told me this, and the conversation has never come up about her using. I don't support her addiction financially, never have, but i have emotionally by never calling her on it.
It make sense that she will continue until her life becomes uncomfortable. I see that happening when it becomes uncomfortable to be around the people that she gets high with or those who she get's her drugs from.
Is it possible to get her back in the same way that i stopped her abusive actions when she drank? I never told her that I am not taking her to places that had alcohol, I just did it. Is it possible to remove those that she gets high with in order to push the feeling of uncomfortable because the people around her are not getting high?
call it manipulative, but I've always found things to go smoother/easier when people arrive at your point of view without them ever knowing you pushed them in that direction.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Nar-Anon has good printed matter and a book of daily readings, gumchewer. Take a look at those and maybe that will help you with your next course of action. SR is always here for feedback as things unfold.
As well, it is always best to realize that addiction changes the brain, and that our attempts to guide an addict in the right direction are really not powerful enough to change the brain. It happens through a long process of recovery for the addict, with the right doctors, counselors, support from other recovering addicts. And most addicts do not embrace that process until their relationship with the drug becomes a complete nightmare, and they feel they must get sober or die.
We have recovering addicts on this forum and they are the ones who can speak with real knowledge of this.
As well, it is always best to realize that addiction changes the brain, and that our attempts to guide an addict in the right direction are really not powerful enough to change the brain. It happens through a long process of recovery for the addict, with the right doctors, counselors, support from other recovering addicts. And most addicts do not embrace that process until their relationship with the drug becomes a complete nightmare, and they feel they must get sober or die.
We have recovering addicts on this forum and they are the ones who can speak with real knowledge of this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden
And most addicts do not embrace that process until their relationship with the drug becomes a complete nightmare, and they feel they must get sober or die.
Her sister has told me that she has had 3 separate seizure episodes. She also avoids me a lot and completely avoids anything to do with my family.
Avoiding my family is something that she has always done. It has always seemed strange because there is not really anything with my family that would cause her to want to avoid being at any function that they were at.
Avoiding me seems like she does not want to see me while she is high, like she is embarrassed. She just makes up some lie, but is it really a lie or just some dance we are playing? I know what she is telling me is false, and I sometimes feel she knows that I know that it is a lie even though I haven't called her on it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
She has been let down by everyone that has been in her life and i am finding it impossible to do the same.
You know she has an addiction yet you’ve never confronted or talked to her about it. How about you have that conversation and see where it takes you. See has receptive she is at acknowledging a problem with drugs.
When you say drawing lines – we call it setting boundaries for ourselves……example: I will no longer tolerate the affects of drug usage by anyone in my life…if they chose to continue….I must leave the relationship.
And most important….don’t ever try and spoon feed a completely comatose person, you could make them choke and they can die.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Gumchewer,
Here’s the thing, you may feel that YOU stopped her abusive actions when she drank but most likely she just switched from the booze to more pills, pot and heroin…..maybe those chemicals don’t have that abusive affect cause they make her comatose.
Policing her addiction by removing friends that she gets high with will only bring about her resenting you and viewing you as controlling. And if you push that issue with an active addict, she will choose the drug and those people over you.
Have you ever manipulated a heroin addict? She’s not going to arrive smoothly to your point of view, believe me she’s not!!
The avoiding, she doesn’t want anyone to know she is high, you, your family – no one except those people she enjoys getting high with.
Up until now she thinks she has you conned – manipulated with her stories. Now challenge her on her drug usage, call her out and you will see a side of her you probably have not scene yet.
Prepare yourself, go to several Nar-anon meetings, al-anon meetings, do as much research on heroin addiction as you can. Arming yourself with knowledge and then accepting that YOU cannot fix her, cure her or manipulate her clean – will save you a tremendous amount of heartache.
Best advice I could give, talk with her, acknowledge you know she has a problem and you are willing to support her if she chooses to get clean but if she doesn’t you cannot and will not support her addiction.
Make some hard hearted decisions for yourself prior to talking to her
Here’s the thing, you may feel that YOU stopped her abusive actions when she drank but most likely she just switched from the booze to more pills, pot and heroin…..maybe those chemicals don’t have that abusive affect cause they make her comatose.
Policing her addiction by removing friends that she gets high with will only bring about her resenting you and viewing you as controlling. And if you push that issue with an active addict, she will choose the drug and those people over you.
Have you ever manipulated a heroin addict? She’s not going to arrive smoothly to your point of view, believe me she’s not!!
The avoiding, she doesn’t want anyone to know she is high, you, your family – no one except those people she enjoys getting high with.
Up until now she thinks she has you conned – manipulated with her stories. Now challenge her on her drug usage, call her out and you will see a side of her you probably have not scene yet.
Prepare yourself, go to several Nar-anon meetings, al-anon meetings, do as much research on heroin addiction as you can. Arming yourself with knowledge and then accepting that YOU cannot fix her, cure her or manipulate her clean – will save you a tremendous amount of heartache.
Best advice I could give, talk with her, acknowledge you know she has a problem and you are willing to support her if she chooses to get clean but if she doesn’t you cannot and will not support her addiction.
Make some hard hearted decisions for yourself prior to talking to her
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by atalose
We all have stories of childhoods gone wrong however she is no longer a child and you are not the parent to provide what you perceive she lost. You knowing her history adds to you making her a victim, a victim who needs you. She is no longer a child, she is an adult, a grown up who has a habit of using drugs. That habit was there before you, and it will remain long after you if SHE doesn’t chose recovery for HERSELF.
You know she has an addiction yet you’ve never confronted or talked to her about it. How about you have that conversation and see where it takes you. See has receptive she is at acknowledging a problem with drugs.
When you say drawing lines – we call it setting boundaries for ourselves……example: I will no longer tolerate the affects of drug usage by anyone in my life…if they chose to continue….I must leave the relationship.
And most important….don’t ever try and spoon feed a completely comatose person, you could make them choke and they can die.
((hugs))
You know she has an addiction yet you’ve never confronted or talked to her about it. How about you have that conversation and see where it takes you. See has receptive she is at acknowledging a problem with drugs.
When you say drawing lines – we call it setting boundaries for ourselves……example: I will no longer tolerate the affects of drug usage by anyone in my life…if they chose to continue….I must leave the relationship.
And most important….don’t ever try and spoon feed a completely comatose person, you could make them choke and they can die.
((hugs))
I have never thought about that. I have been making her a victim by talking of her past.
When I fed her she was on my knee siting up sort of hunched over, i was just trying to get something into her.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by atalose
Gumchewer,
Here’s the thing, you may feel that YOU stopped her abusive actions when she drank but most likely she just switched from the booze to more pills, pot and heroin…..maybe those chemicals don’t have that abusive affect cause they make her comatose.
Policing her addiction by removing friends that she gets high with will only bring about her resenting you and viewing you as controlling. And if you push that issue with an active addict, she will choose the drug and those people over you.
Have you ever manipulated a heroin addict? She’s not going to arrive smoothly to your point of view, believe me she’s not!!
The avoiding, she doesn’t want anyone to know she is high, you, your family – no one except those people she enjoys getting high with.
Up until now she thinks she has you conned – manipulated with her stories. Now challenge her on her drug usage, call her out and you will see a side of her you probably have not scene yet.
Prepare yourself, go to several Nar-anon meetings, al-anon meetings, do as much research on heroin addiction as you can. Arming yourself with knowledge and then accepting that YOU cannot fix her, cure her or manipulate her clean – will save you a tremendous amount of heartache.
Best advice I could give, talk with her, acknowledge you know she has a problem and you are willing to support her if she chooses to get clean but if she doesn’t you cannot and will not support her addiction.
Make some hard hearted decisions for yourself prior to talking to her
Here’s the thing, you may feel that YOU stopped her abusive actions when she drank but most likely she just switched from the booze to more pills, pot and heroin…..maybe those chemicals don’t have that abusive affect cause they make her comatose.
Policing her addiction by removing friends that she gets high with will only bring about her resenting you and viewing you as controlling. And if you push that issue with an active addict, she will choose the drug and those people over you.
Have you ever manipulated a heroin addict? She’s not going to arrive smoothly to your point of view, believe me she’s not!!
The avoiding, she doesn’t want anyone to know she is high, you, your family – no one except those people she enjoys getting high with.
Up until now she thinks she has you conned – manipulated with her stories. Now challenge her on her drug usage, call her out and you will see a side of her you probably have not scene yet.
Prepare yourself, go to several Nar-anon meetings, al-anon meetings, do as much research on heroin addiction as you can. Arming yourself with knowledge and then accepting that YOU cannot fix her, cure her or manipulate her clean – will save you a tremendous amount of heartache.
Best advice I could give, talk with her, acknowledge you know she has a problem and you are willing to support her if she chooses to get clean but if she doesn’t you cannot and will not support her addiction.
Make some hard hearted decisions for yourself prior to talking to her
Well i confronted her and this response of yours that I am reading today sounds pretty much like how that conversation went last night.
The booze for pills, right out of her very own mouth. "i'd rather take a xanax than drink a glass of vodka." This statement by itself has lies built into it because she must have just started taken xanax because it has not been a part of her personal drug store before.
And as sure as you said, a side of her that I have not seen before came out. She threatened to come to my job while I was at work and tell my boss that I was on drugs and to go to my parents and them them I was on drugs.
After telling her, I'm not the one that is on drugs, I can take a drug test. She tells me, "You don't want to know what I will do to you, but you will be fired and you will never work in the industry again."
And the conversation got even crazier… She is starts telling me that, "this conversation is being recorded." For what? So that she can play it back to hear telling her that she needs help? It didn't make any sense...
I kept looking for her to explain herself, but she continued to deny being on opiates. I told that I have strips why doesn't she prove me wrong. To that, she answers, "Oh **** you!"
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Exitville
Posts: 214
gumchewer
i want to chime in here because i hope someone with experience will respond with great things as usual.
i got this same kind of crazy talk when i talked to mine once. i heard:
"You threatened to take away my children" NO--I told him he would lose everything, his business, his family, us, his children if he kept on w/drugs--meaning it's a dead end/jail/death...nothing in my tone or approach was a threat or most certainly not about me doing something vicious to him.
"You could ruin my public persona." NO--I never even mentioned the public or getting back at him or doing anything remotely close to it--it's not my style at all--all i ever wanted or said was please don't do this--get help.
Of course there are more BUT main thing is I saw this whole, new, ugly being emerge from him like nothing I'd ever seen before. Like I was the demon in the room as far as he was concerned. I hadn't witnessed it before so it was shocking and I still remember saying out loud "what? what are you talking about? that's crazy....what???" I think I need to remember THAT guy more often or all the time actually.
Sorry you are going through this. It's tough.
i want to chime in here because i hope someone with experience will respond with great things as usual.
i got this same kind of crazy talk when i talked to mine once. i heard:
"You threatened to take away my children" NO--I told him he would lose everything, his business, his family, us, his children if he kept on w/drugs--meaning it's a dead end/jail/death...nothing in my tone or approach was a threat or most certainly not about me doing something vicious to him.
"You could ruin my public persona." NO--I never even mentioned the public or getting back at him or doing anything remotely close to it--it's not my style at all--all i ever wanted or said was please don't do this--get help.
Of course there are more BUT main thing is I saw this whole, new, ugly being emerge from him like nothing I'd ever seen before. Like I was the demon in the room as far as he was concerned. I hadn't witnessed it before so it was shocking and I still remember saying out loud "what? what are you talking about? that's crazy....what???" I think I need to remember THAT guy more often or all the time actually.
Sorry you are going through this. It's tough.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Just like it’s pointless to try and talk logic with an active addict having an argument is no different.
Did you ever try and take a bone away from a very hungry dog? Try and get between an addict and their drugs you get the same angry reaction.
DEFLECTION- that’s what the crazy talk is all about….deflect away from them and their drugs – addiction.
SPIN DR – to point away from them – put you on the hot seat so to speak with crazy accusations.
Did you ever try and take a bone away from a very hungry dog? Try and get between an addict and their drugs you get the same angry reaction.
DEFLECTION- that’s what the crazy talk is all about….deflect away from them and their drugs – addiction.
SPIN DR – to point away from them – put you on the hot seat so to speak with crazy accusations.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Exitville
Posts: 214
YEP--spot on atalose. Now if I can only forget those accusations because for whatever reasons we take them personally/as if we have let them down somehow/like we should have worded things differently(i swear, i think they know this and it's done on purpose,IMO)and when there's a quiet, creepy moment out of nowhere you don't want but they come anyway...the heart aches. I HATE IT. I do.
I know....shake it off...keep moving...it's a head job/mind game from them to us.
ughhhhhhhh is all I can say. I'm workin' on it. I'm workin' on it!
I know....shake it off...keep moving...it's a head job/mind game from them to us.
ughhhhhhhh is all I can say. I'm workin' on it. I'm workin' on it!
Orange Lily
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 100
Originally Posted by gumchewer
I kept looking for her to explain herself, but she continued to deny being on opiates. I told that I have strips why doesn't she prove me wrong. To that, she answers, "Oh **** you!"
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: CDA, ID
Posts: 18
Denial is probably the most harmful feeling in itself at times. Until someone is ready we can not provide them with help. They are going to seek drugs and highs before food, shelter, love and family. They can't help it until they want to. When she gets super uncomfortable hopefully she will be ready to change. That is why they say and some believe it takes someone hitting rock bottom until they want to change. For me, I just needed to see how much better my life could be. How much more my bf would smile and love me sober, how much more I was smiling, how much more joy I was getting out of life. Maybe she doesn't believe that will leave her? Maybe she feels she can trick you into believeing her. Threats never go well on either side. You are only trying to help and care for her. Her disease is contagious and deadly if not treated daily and maintained. Addiction is like cancer, except in addiction we have the choice to fight and win. Cancer patients sadly can not just take the cancer out and call it good. Addicts have maintenace to do forever. Most cancer survivors look better after they over come cancer then they ever did before. That is because their attitdudes, perspectives and living style changes. Same with addictions, everything changes. I would be weary that she is making threats to you when you are just there to help her. Defense is full board at first. Let her knwo you love her, you are there to help her and be her rock. Let her know that you will support her in getting better but will not enable her. She won't like it. I've been there with my bf. Many times he had to hold his ground and not give me what I wanted. Feel free to message me. One day, one hour at a time.
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