Hosta

Well, I am again in shame and feel rotten after drinking too much at a family even last night. It is an even worse feeling, since I had "stopped" drinking yet again just three weeks ago. I was proud of that, and really wanted to make it work.

I have been a drinker since my teens, but managed a nearly three-year quit from roughly 2007-2010. I am a functional drunk, in that I hold a very responsible and demanding job and my family life is relatively good. Still, I tend to drink too much if I don't watch myself, and especially can't stop once I feel it.

Last night, since I was supposed to be on a quit, was an evening of hidden drinking -- gulping down booze when no one was looking, or I was getting something else for someone. No hiding the drunkedness, though, which came on fast and then lasted the evening.

Gotta do something and now. But, man, I find it hard to do. Hope to get some inspiration, and perhaps a bit of support, here.

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR.

Different things work for different people. There is lots of information here on these boards, so look around and read until you find the strategy that will work for you.

Good Luck!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Hosta I am impressed that you managed a 3 year stint of sobriety before. What was working for you then? Do you think you had fully committed to not drinking then or were you just holding out? Glad you're here x

Hosta

Yes, I was more-or-less sober for 3 years but don't think I ever really committed to being dry. When I started back it was typical -- I felt I could "handle" drinking again and be a social drinker. Things just sort of eased back into my old pattern. It was the increased frequency of binges that led my back to try to quit -- and then last night, bang, I'm right back to getting drunk in front of everyone. Urghh!

Shame

Hi Hosta - you are not alone. I am new as well and you will find new people coming here daily. Read as many posts as you can to keep these feelings fresh in your mind to give you strength for when your next challenge comes along.

Jsober

Totally can relate. Functional binge drinker here as well. That is one thing that made it so hard to quit. I kept rationalizing that I wasn't that bad, I didn't drink everyday, etc. But when I did drink, I had little control of my intake. I kept tellin myself I had would just have two or three but I had to realize that was not possible. It's the first drink that gets me in trouble. The only way is to abstain altogether. AA helped me do that, but there are other ways out there. Maybe look into some. It is pretty tough trying to beat it on your own- long term.

Dee74

welcome Hosta - do you have a plan?

D