Recover53

Reading a lot of new comers posts lately made feel like I should share my recent recovery experience. Two weeks ago I radically picked up attending Alanon meetings, like 4-5 a week now. Since I moved to Chicago in January I have only gone to a few meetings. Well, 2 or 3 weeks ago my brain told me it's been 10 months since AW left and by now things could be different, she's probably really missing me and would be glad to have me call her. So I did. Guess what: big mistake. That night I went to a meeting and a guy shared about how difficult it was in the beginning not calling his AW that he'd been divorced from. I talked to him after the meeting. Told him about calling my AW and the upset it caused me(rejection, embarrassment, frustration,etc, etc.). He told me the next time I felt like calling her, to call him instead. Fast forward two weeks, last Thursday I found myself thinking about AW, surely she didn't mean all that stuff she said two weeks ago, maybe I just caught her at a bad time or something. BINGO! I remembered to call the guy Tim! Success! He wasn't there, got his voicemail (he called me back later that night) BUT that action restored sanity for enough time to not call her and I haven't thought of calling her since. Meetings and tools we get at meetings are the key to my recovery and well being.

LexieCat

Thanks for sharing your experience, strength, and hope, Recover! Nothing like hearing success stories to inspire others to try what works!

ShootingStar1

Thanks so much for posting. I'm having to spend time frequently with my almost STBXAH (waiting for the Judge to sign the divorce papers) since we co-own a house and have to get it ready to sell. It is helpful to be reminded that there will be a time (soon!) when I can be back in NC again and be on my own path. Right now it is unavoidable because the work we are doing on the house will mean the difference between selling it for a good price and a firesale. But, like you finding relief in just making the phone call and leaving a message for your new friend, I am finding relief in hearing about what worked for you!

ShootingStar1

posiesperson

Yes, that "phone call pitfall" as I called it for myself, was a tremendous temptation. I began to recognize it for the "fix" that it was, that I HAD to make the call, HAD to have that contact even though the "feel-good effects" lasted less than 20 minutes and was followed by the terrible emotional after-effects. And that I created very rational-sounding reasons why it was a good idea for me to make the call when there was not any reason at all to do so. That was when I realized that I was as addicted as the alcoholic.

How wonderful that you have someone you can call who will do Alanon work with you in this way. I agree, Alanon works!

Thanks for posting this,
posie