DesperadoBlond

I'm 6 months + sober and I am in AA.

I want to scream and rebel right now. I am absolutely and totally fed up with this whole "ego deflation" thing that I have to do.

(Notice how I start every sentence with "I".)

Why are there no answers to how unfair life is? Why must I be stuck doing jobs I hate when many of the people I used to know don't have to (rich parents)?

My sponsor tells me I am like that "retired businessman, lulling about in the Florida sunshine complaining about the sad state of affairs."

That may be so, but my coping skills/resources are pretty ********ing exhausted and 5-6 times a day I find myself just wishing it could all end. All of it. My life has been like this for years and now in sobriety I really don't feel better about life's "unfairness aspect".

I don't want to do any more of this ego deflation stuff. Is there no relief?

Dee74

I don't know much about ego deflation, but I do know that everytime I feel my life is unfair, I can easily find someone else's who is even more unfair....

Neither of us is Bill Gates Jr or a Rockefeller.
Maybe thats no bad thing when you look at the good things in your life K?

D

DesperadoBlond

Hi Dee!

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm just really over it all. I really want "some other option".

bigsombrero

Who says you have to do this? The police?

There aren't any rules out there. However, there are plenty of pitfalls - stay focused on your recovery, but remember you're not locked in a cage with a 12-step program. Do what makes you happy, and find out what it feels like when you do those thing in a sober state of mind. There's no test at the end, I promise.

Dee74

I'm not rich - I'm living below the poverty line, my healths not great, my mobility is crap and this winter here is looking bitter - some days I'd really like other options too, DB.

I do what I can to change my situation, then I accept the rest knowing that I've done the best I can do.

I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.
I don't think that's a coincidence.

D

DesperadoBlond

HAHA! Thanks, you made me laugh now! There's no test!

I think what is hitting me hard right now is that everyone around me (yes, those AA peeps who are the only friends I have these days) keeps telling me about just about everything in my life: acceptance is the key - just accept things as they are, don't fight it.

I don't want to accept things as they are. I want something else than what I have. I hate my life. And no, I am not drinking. Don't worry.

Dee74

better not read my post then lol.

Hope you snap out of it DB
D

DesperadoBlond

I hear you Dee. I think I am definitely under the poverty line too in terms of governmental indexes etc.

DesperadoBlond

Dee,

At least I got a good chuckle out of this. I'm so sad I could cry but I won't because doing that always gives me a head ache.

I'm sure next someone will tell me to go pray. Watch it happen.

Dee74

Well praying works for me, as does acceptance.

I think people are suggesting things like that because they work for the people suggesting them.

I spent 20 years feeling sorry for myself - and metaphorically stamping my feet and holding my breath.

I had good reason - but it got me nowhere K.

D

MeSoSober

Let's pray together.

ScottFromWI

So don't Accept. There are just as many who worked their behinds off to get where they are as there are who inherit wealth. Nothing is stopping you from trying to find a better life, eapecially not alcohol.

DesperadoBlond

Acceptance is the key. Go pray. There is no other option that this.

Geeeeeeeeez! *stomps feet*

MeSoSober

(hee hee)

Dee74

ok ok...There's more than one way to get to the top of the mountain.
Find yours

If you're not happy with your life - change it, man.
Don't tell me it's not possible....

D

DesperadoBlond

That's just evil!

Mountainmanbob

DesperadoBlond

I'm sorry to be cheeky, but how do you know where you are heading?

MeSoSober

I feel your pain. I want a whole lot more out of life than I have right now too. But it is so true that so many others have so much less. When I first joined these forums I wrote briefly about a former coworker who was the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. Nice wife, two young sons, lovely family. He's in his early forties and was diagnosed with synovial sarcoma last fall. Had one leg amputated either just below or just above the knee. And to top it all off, this guy was a runner. And his disease is incurable. Talk about life not being fair.

It's so easy to focus on what we don't have (I am as guilty as anyone), but so important not to take for granted what we do have.

bigsombrero

I'll buy you a ticket to Philly - you can be there tomorrow.

Seriously, if you're not happy with live Desperado, it might be time to let go of whatever's holding you back. Sounds like you're going through a tug-of-war with yourself...doesn't matter which side lets go, either way you're a winner.