sacha

I am wrecking up my life & no one knows it is too the extreme. I think this is my first step...yes, it is. I registered in other forums but could not figure out how to post a message & I am feeling relieved now that I am writing. The truth is that I CAN NOT afford wasting any more time on alcohol & recovery. Every Friday I can't wait to get home after work to drink. On Saturday day time my day is spent in having a hangover & then I drink at night. I can not socialize even with my b/f unless I am drunk. But if I am alone I also need to drink because I am bored doing something/anything else. Please, someone answer, let me talk. I need help. I am crying now. I hate myself so much.

sacha

(it is still Sacha). I want to be free. I want to be able to have sex sober. I want to be able to come to my boyfriend's apartment & ...TALK TO HIM WITHOUT drinking wine!! I can't even start talking & answer questions unless I am drinking!!

Pondlady

Welcome sacha,
Many of us have the felt the same way, so we understand. This site is filled with good informations and caring folks.

Hevyn

Sacha - Welcome! You are not alone.

I understand that you're in pain - but believe it or not, this is a good thing. If you weren't upset by your behavior you'd just keep on poisoning yourself. You want a better life, and you know things aren't normal - so be happy that you've realized that and are reaching out.

Alcohol turned me into someone I despised. I was numb and foggy so much of the time. I relied on it to help me be more sociable - but it backfired terribly. I never grew or matured - I was miserable and wanted a 'real' life. You will get there. Please keep posting and reading here - I think you'll begin to feel better.

sacha

Thanks, Hevyn.

I started crying when I read your post. I really did not choose to drink & get drunk. My father is an alcoholic. My Grandparents figured out yesterday that I was drinking & they are disgusted with me. I am ashamed. I was talking to them on Skype drinking my drink in a tea cup. They confronted me & hung up on me. But I wished I COULD talk to them sober, I wished, but I can not!! I can't tell anyone & can't go anywhere in AA/NA in my town because I am ironically a Substance Abuse Counselor! Please, support me, please someone tell me how do I socialize & have fun without drinking??

Hevyn

I never set out to get drunk either, Sacha. I had no idea where it would lead. I just wanted to have fun and relax. I ended up completely dependent on it. You aren't going to let that happen, though. The more you do things without it - the more you'll realize you don't need it in your life. It feels uncomfortable at first, but you'll be so much happier when you're free of it.

neferkamichael

Sacha , you can do all the things you want to sober. Plenty of support here.

sacha

Pondlady--thank you. I feel sooo sorry for myself.

sacha

How can one have fun & socialize WITHOUT WITHOUT WITHOUT..?

soberclover

The last thing you need to be worrying about is how you are going to socialize and have fun without drinking. As a substance abuse clinican myself, I can tell you that you need to get in to counseling. And as far as the meeting thing....go out of town. There are a ton of us professionals out there in recovery programs. It takes one to know one. The last thing I worry about when I go to a meeting is my confidentiality. This is my life I'm dealing with. When you get in to counseling you need to figure out a way to find balance in your life. When you work around addicts, it is hard being one yourself. You can only give so much and then you have nothing to give yourself. And your self needs a lot right now.

sacha

neferkamichael--thank you.

sacha

soberclover--this is why I came here, because I can't risk my confidentiality. It's important to me. I have to do it on my own, with help here.

Dee74

Hi Sacha

if none of the usual support options are open to you I guess you just have to do what I did and just not drink, with support of the gang here.

It wasn't easy but it is possible - if you're prepared to do what it takes and make the necessary changes to your life

Just curious - as a Substance Abuse Counselor, what would you tell someone who came to you with this exact problem?

D

sacha

Dee74: thank you. All my patients are pretty much with the same problem, well, may be a little heavier problem, with alcohol &/or drugs such as heroin/crack/PCP.

sacha

I pin pointed what exactly my problem is. I can't socialize
unless I am drunk.

stayalive

I don't have any support options either. That is apart from here which is a huge blessing.

I know what you mean and how you feel. You may have social anxiety as i do (I really hope you don't though.)

sacha

I might have a social anxiety...How are you staying sober with the social anxiety?

sacha

So, I wrote it here & already feel some kind of peace...I think I am going to make it thru the next weekend, it will be my first in ever since I remember myself.

Dee74

Join the Class of May thread too - it's for everyone quitting this month.

D

MellyFishButt

Hi sweetie, this sounds like 1) social anxiety, 2) habits that have been created and reenforced over time. Do you have a therapist or pdoc? A therapist will help you untangle the intimidation factor while a psychiatrist might be able to help you figure out a long term pharma solution if therapy alone doesnt work. Those social anxiety quizzes and forums are amazing! I have some social anxiety that has gotten worse as an adult. I am fine at work because I am basically 'playing a role' but unless I am 'off' I have a hard time opening up. I know what you're going through. Do some more research, there is a lot of good (well, and bad, admittedly) info about SA. Let us know what you find out!