Spantoh

Hello again all,

My SO (of 8 years) has just returned from a treatment facility in Florida where she spent 2 months. We do not live together and have kept our relationship alive.

Forgive me if I come across as crazy, contemplating this so; as it has only been but I want to be sure I am doing all I can to help/not hinder and appreciate and information/advice you may share..

When she first came home, we spent some time together, enjoyed each other's company for the first few days. A lot of I love you's, etc.
She has been home a week and a half now and has become somewhat distant. Does not reply to texts for several hours at times, rarely answers my calls and seems somewhat, I don't know, sad. I have seen her several times and she seems cheerful, happy and loving when we are together but when she is home with her family she seems kind of, I don't know, I guess depressed would be the best word.

I have asked her to come out, to spend some time at my home, take a walk, just shake things up--but she politely says no thank you.

Again, its only been a little over a week but my question is am I doing the right thing?

Giving her space and just letting things be? Should I ask her what is wrong? Ask her to open up?

She herself has said to me a few times, "I'm sorry I have been so blah lately" or "I haven't been the best lately." I tell her not to apologize, etc.

Any suggestions?
Is this a part of the transition back to normal life from the facility life?


Thanks all.
S

wicked

Please go to AlAnon.
You cannot regulate her moods with anything you say or do.
When I came out of rehab, being sober for the first time in many 20 years(?) was very hard emotionally.
Feelings that were numbed by alcohol were now all over the place, and I remember thinking, "why does everyone expect me to be a big ball of happy all the time?"

Actually, (the idea above was all in my head) I developed a big ball of resentment about it, because I did not feel I could be honest with my husband. He did not want honest, he wanted happy, happy, happy.

Treatment is not a magical answer to addiction, there are emotional and spiritual aspects of the disease that must be addressed with a sober mind.
AA was my choice of recovery program.
I hope you find a recovery program of your own, Spantoh.
It is the only way to live.

Go to Al Anon and learn about the disease and what you can do for yourself.
You have your own recovery to work, work it like you want her to work hers.

Beth

Spantoh

Thank you, Beth..

"there are emotional and spiritual aspects of the disease that must be addressed with a sober mind."

This is exactly the type of thing I appreciate from those willing to share. I will get back to AlAnon/NarAnon tomorrow evening and will continue to just focus on myself for now.

Again, I ask because I do not want to make any rookie mistakes in my attempt to be there for her like coming on too strong, etc.

wicked

Thank you Spantoh.
Wow, you just made my day!
You sound like a great support for your SO.
Keep taking care of your recovery.

I will if you will. (Having my own AlAnon stuff going on )
I am going to a meeting.

Beth

Hammer

wooowww.

THAT is good.

Thanks, Beth!

FireSprite

So well said!!!