Staying in today
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Staying in today
Well.....it's been six months since I dropped my son off at the SA-ARC last November. He graduates in two weeks. I am so grateful that he has stayed with the program and is six months clean and sober. He looks and acts like a completely different person.
On Mothers Day he called me to invite me to go to a concert with him. The SA is given free tickets for various events to give to the beneficiaries. I can't tell you the last Mothers Day my son called me to wish me a Happy Mothers Day so to get an invite to a concert with him......just wow. (Unfortunately I couldn't go because I was in the hospital but just the fact that he did that is.....so good).
Unfortunately.....I am still battling those codependent demons. I find my mind traveling forward in time wondering.....what's he going to do after he graduates the program?!? He hasn't asked if he could come to stay with us (and I haven't offered). He's figuring these things out for himself.....as it should be. And I am trying to stay out of his HP's way because that's what has been working. He has mentioned that he doesn't want to go through Phase II of the program. He's ready to get on with his life. He wants to get a job. I keep thinking about all the obstacles he still needs to get over.....but they aren't my obstacles.
I need to stay in today and continue to trust God. Faith is tough.
gentle hugs
ke
On Mothers Day he called me to invite me to go to a concert with him. The SA is given free tickets for various events to give to the beneficiaries. I can't tell you the last Mothers Day my son called me to wish me a Happy Mothers Day so to get an invite to a concert with him......just wow. (Unfortunately I couldn't go because I was in the hospital but just the fact that he did that is.....so good).
Unfortunately.....I am still battling those codependent demons. I find my mind traveling forward in time wondering.....what's he going to do after he graduates the program?!? He hasn't asked if he could come to stay with us (and I haven't offered). He's figuring these things out for himself.....as it should be. And I am trying to stay out of his HP's way because that's what has been working. He has mentioned that he doesn't want to go through Phase II of the program. He's ready to get on with his life. He wants to get a job. I keep thinking about all the obstacles he still needs to get over.....but they aren't my obstacles.
I need to stay in today and continue to trust God. Faith is tough.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Ah yes Hanna......Godspeed. lol.
I'm ok. Just dealing with some of the consequences of my years of raging codependence. Just like drugs can cause significant long term health issues for the drug addict...... obsession and uncontrolled worry and fear can impact the health and wellbeing of the codependent.
For my own health, I can't worry about what tomorrow may bring for me or my dear son but I can sit quietly in gratitude of what "is" today.
gentle hugs
ke
I'm ok. Just dealing with some of the consequences of my years of raging codependence. Just like drugs can cause significant long term health issues for the drug addict...... obsession and uncontrolled worry and fear can impact the health and wellbeing of the codependent.
For my own health, I can't worry about what tomorrow may bring for me or my dear son but I can sit quietly in gratitude of what "is" today.
gentle hugs
ke
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
KE, I am so incredibly happy that your son has turned his life around. It gives me hope.
I think a small measure of wondering what our children will be doing is normal, as long as it doesn't consume us?
When I read about your son's invitation, I got tears in my eyes. My AS has not phoned me on either Mother's Day or my birthday for years. I thought I was the only one
For some or other reason it really got to me this year.
You have been such a shining light in your recovery for all of us. I hope your health gets sorted soon.
I think a small measure of wondering what our children will be doing is normal, as long as it doesn't consume us?
When I read about your son's invitation, I got tears in my eyes. My AS has not phoned me on either Mother's Day or my birthday for years. I thought I was the only one
For some or other reason it really got to me this year. You have been such a shining light in your recovery for all of us. I hope your health gets sorted soon.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Kindeyes: Thanks for the update. It seems like the user names I am so familiar with over the years are just not posting here on SR as often - me included.
I agree with the above poster that worrying about what the future would bring, especially concerning traumatic events, is perfectly normal and yet is our responsibility to work our way out of.
If any of my loved ones had a long-term and traumatic medical diagnosis, something like Crohn disease or rheumatoid arthritis, for example, I would also find myself at times worrying about their care, especially at the end of a relapse that they have gotten through and are getting back to "normal." I bet if we were on some of the forums for those diseases we would see similar reactions from family members that we have here on SR.
Methinks our human condition is such that it is, in some ways, easier to deal with their decline rather than their incline. The fall for us is not quite so far down with the former.
Lots and lots and lots of (((hugs))) and prayers to you, your son, and your family!
Sojourner
I agree with the above poster that worrying about what the future would bring, especially concerning traumatic events, is perfectly normal and yet is our responsibility to work our way out of.
If any of my loved ones had a long-term and traumatic medical diagnosis, something like Crohn disease or rheumatoid arthritis, for example, I would also find myself at times worrying about their care, especially at the end of a relapse that they have gotten through and are getting back to "normal." I bet if we were on some of the forums for those diseases we would see similar reactions from family members that we have here on SR.
Methinks our human condition is such that it is, in some ways, easier to deal with their decline rather than their incline. The fall for us is not quite so far down with the former.
Lots and lots and lots of (((hugs))) and prayers to you, your son, and your family!
Sojourner
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I need to stay in today and continue to trust God. Faith is tough.
I am glad you are on the mend, and am saying big prayers for you and your boy. This is such good news that he finished the program and now can use what he knows in real life.
Hugs
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Kindeyes, I am happy to hear that you are taking care of you and that you are OK.
Your wisdom and strength have helped me so many times. Times that I could barely catch my breath from crying in despair. Times when I didn't think I could make it another minute, never mind another day. I remember the day i started visualizing the path and crossing over the bridge that you described so beautifully. I wanted, I needed to find that path and you gently guided me in the right direction. You reminded me over and over again..."if you worry, why pray, if you pray then why worry."
No matter what choices your son makes, you, my friend, will be ok. You have a lot of caring, loving supporters to help you through anytyhing. When your faith is weak, your prayer warriors friends will lift you back up. And most importantly. God will hold your hand and love unconditionally. He will be your true source of comfort because of His love, you will have your son eternally. Life is just a season.
My prayers are with you and your son.
Your wisdom and strength have helped me so many times. Times that I could barely catch my breath from crying in despair. Times when I didn't think I could make it another minute, never mind another day. I remember the day i started visualizing the path and crossing over the bridge that you described so beautifully. I wanted, I needed to find that path and you gently guided me in the right direction. You reminded me over and over again..."if you worry, why pray, if you pray then why worry."
No matter what choices your son makes, you, my friend, will be ok. You have a lot of caring, loving supporters to help you through anytyhing. When your faith is weak, your prayer warriors friends will lift you back up. And most importantly. God will hold your hand and love unconditionally. He will be your true source of comfort because of His love, you will have your son eternally. Life is just a season.
My prayers are with you and your son.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Methinks our human condition is such that it is, in some ways, easier to deal with their decline rather than their incline. The fall for us is not quite so far down with the former.
Your wisdom and strength have helped me so many times. Times that I could barely catch my breath from crying in despair. Times when I didn't think I could make it another minute, never mind another day. I remember the day i started visualizing the path and crossing over the bridge that you described so beautifully. I wanted, I needed to find that path and you gently guided me in the right direction. You reminded me over and over again..."if you worry, why pray, if you pray then why worry."
No matter what choices your son makes, you, my friend, will be ok. You have a lot of caring, loving supporters to help you through anytyhing. When your faith is weak, your prayer warriors friends will lift you back up. And most importantly. God will hold your hand and love unconditionally. He will be your true source of comfort because of His love, you will have your son eternally. Life is just a season.
No matter what choices your son makes, you, my friend, will be ok. You have a lot of caring, loving supporters to help you through anytyhing. When your faith is weak, your prayer warriors friends will lift you back up. And most importantly. God will hold your hand and love unconditionally. He will be your true source of comfort because of His love, you will have your son eternally. Life is just a season.
.....and this morning, you returned the favor. Your words brought me comfort this morning (and tears to my eyes). From the bottom of my heart......I thank you.
Thank you to all of you for your kind and loving words. It helps more than you'll ever know.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
When I read about your son's invitation, I got tears in my eyes. My AS has not phoned me on either Mother's Day or my birthday for years. I thought I was the only one For some or other reason it really got to me this year
Sunshine2
I debated whether to share about my son's invitation. There are so many mothers whose hearts are hurting because Mothers Day is a tough one. I didn't want to share because i was concerned that it could make their pain greater. But its stories like these that give us hope.
Years......it's been years since my son has called or acknowledged a birthday or Mothers Day. I remember a birthday when he did call me a few years back to tell me he was "living" in a tool shed in someone's backyard. Instead of "Happy Birthday Mom" he advised me that he was going to find a gun to blow his brains out. I have to say....that I'd rather get no call than a call like that. The contrast of this Mothers Day was huge and unexpected.
The reason that I wanted to share it is that there was a time that I thought that it was impossible. He was "too far gone". He was homeless and unemployed for about four...almost five years. I had to muster up the courage to let him go, turn him over to God and step out of the way. That's when the miracles began. I need to continue to stay out of the way.......
I'm so glad that LMN reminded me of "if you worry, why pray....if you pray, why worry". I need to embrace that right now because yes......the fear of the fall at this point is there tugging at the back of my mind. this is one of those "character defects" we talk about.....i truly need God's help to remove it. I really need to let go of my fear and hand it over to God.....that is what has gotten me is far....I need to trust what works.
I need to sit quietly in gratitude.....because it is through gratitude that I can find joy. Today is a good day.
There's a fine line between not losing hope and not expecting anything.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Hello Kindeyes...you've brought up such a good topic...actually a couple of them. I also hesitated to post that my son called on Mother's Day but I do think stories of hope are essential. I truly did not expect him to call. I've had many years he didn't and he's never called on my birthday. I also question whether he was being truthful but am thankful for the bit of positive contact and wanted others to know that quite possibly, when they least expect it...their phone could ring with a smidgen of hope. I can really relate to you saying your fears are rising to the surface and wondering how this will play out for your son when he's made so much progress. I can't imagine how wonderful it must feel to think about all the possibilities he has before him....and then fear kicks in because you are afraid to get too excited. Your posts are always so inspirational to me. When I feel shaken, when I have doubts I reflect upon things you've posted and find real strength and clarity there. Please know we are praying for you and your son. I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with health issues. Glad to know you are on the mend. I'm trying really hard to "stay in today" at the moment. After the contact from my son saying he was two weeks sober I could feel myself wanting to send inspirational quotes and checking on his progress. I have literally had to tell myself "no"...allow him to reach out when he is ready. I've made a lot of progress and sometimes I feel ripped off that we can't treat our young adults to things or be too much of a cheerleader for fear it's too co-dependent. Such a tight rope walk we are on. Sending big hugs and lots of love to you today. Xoxo
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
KE, I am VERY glad that you shared his invitation. You give me hope. I have been here to read when your son's story sounded hopeless. When he decided to go to the SA rehab, my heart rejoiced with yours.
Knowing that he ignored special days for so many years and hearing about his turnaround gives me a lot of hope.
I am so glad that your son found his bottom and that he clawed his way out of the addiction. I am so glad that you found the strength to let him go. I am so glad that there are stories of hope like yours.
Knowing that he ignored special days for so many years and hearing about his turnaround gives me a lot of hope.
I am so glad that your son found his bottom and that he clawed his way out of the addiction. I am so glad that you found the strength to let him go. I am so glad that there are stories of hope like yours.
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Lizwig
I remember when my son was so deep in the horror of addiction and I would read about a mother here on SR worrying about whether her son/daughter would stay clean and sober and expressing their concerns about it. I just wanted to shout at them REJOICE be GLAD today your child is clean and sober! Why are you worrying about TOMORROW!!!
So I am going to heed my own advice. I'll let go and leave my dear son in the hands of his higher power.
I'm glad to hear that your son called and he has a couple of weeks sober under his belt. You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
I remember when my son was so deep in the horror of addiction and I would read about a mother here on SR worrying about whether her son/daughter would stay clean and sober and expressing their concerns about it. I just wanted to shout at them REJOICE be GLAD today your child is clean and sober! Why are you worrying about TOMORROW!!!
So I am going to heed my own advice. I'll let go and leave my dear son in the hands of his higher power.
I'm glad to hear that your son called and he has a couple of weeks sober under his belt. You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
Kindeyes
I wish your son the very best in his recovery, I will be praying for him, for you I'm sending hugs and positive thoughts , I know that feeling of when they are in recovery and how we get pulled in so to say. I think tomorrow will take care of itself, with or without or worrying ..
I wish your son the very best in his recovery, I will be praying for him, for you I'm sending hugs and positive thoughts , I know that feeling of when they are in recovery and how we get pulled in so to say. I think tomorrow will take care of itself, with or without or worrying ..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by Sunshine2 
You have been such a shining light in your recovery for all of us. I hope your health gets sorted soon.
Thanks for sharing your ESH, Kindeyes. Hugs and prayers for you and yours.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
Kindeyes, I am so grateful for your Mother's Day phone call and invitation...
I think sharing the miracles is just as encouraging as sharing ways to navigate the numbing pain of loving an active addict.
We all know it's not all miracles and happy endings out there, but it's nice to be reminded that it's not all pain either....
You are right in saying your son's obstacles are his obstacles and not yours. He has the tools he needs to overcome them. That's part of the miracle...
Praying for you and your son. Keep us posted...
I think sharing the miracles is just as encouraging as sharing ways to navigate the numbing pain of loving an active addict.
We all know it's not all miracles and happy endings out there, but it's nice to be reminded that it's not all pain either....
You are right in saying your son's obstacles are his obstacles and not yours. He has the tools he needs to overcome them. That's part of the miracle...
Praying for you and your son. Keep us posted...
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