Readysteady

Some of you saw/commented on the post about my brother. 10 days ago our local hospital didn't admit him and that just took whatever morale he had left and flushed it down the toilet. After much stalling, and relentless pleading....he went in to a different hospital today and detox has started! He kept saying "it's gonna be a waste of time, and I brought him there the worst time of the day and we're gonna wait a loooong time".

But you know what? They were relatively quick. Did some tests, said his liver, although swollen, doesn't show any major damage! Pancreas is off the charts though, but they said it's up to him to do the right stuff. So, although this is just a first step, I feel fairly relieved at the moment. Am hoping to visit tomorrow night. If I can't then thursday for sure.

After an hours drive each way and 8 hours there, I'm gonna chill.
A big thanks to all who showed support and input!

Seren

Hi Readysteady, I'm glad that there is good news about your brother's liver numbers. Hopefully, this will be the beginning of a road of recovery for him. Rest up!

LexieCat

Yes--good luck! I hope he grabs onto recovery. Please take good care of YOU, regardless of what he does. Enjoy the peace at home.

Readysteady

Thank you! And yes, I hope he grabs onto recovery this time. He's been very hard headed up to this point, but maybe this is the time he goes with the right flow. You can tell when someone does.

Recovering2

I'm happy to hear he is in good hands. Now is the time for you to get some much needed rest! You will likely feel exhausted after all the energy and work you've put into your brother, so listen to your body and be gentle with yourself these next few days.

Work on your recovery,and let the experts work with your brother. (((hugs)))

AnvilheadII

ditto R2!!!

Readysteady

Good advice, and thanks! I am exhausted as a matter of fact. He is in good hands, but am in the dark as to what comes after detox (psych place maybe?). I'm hoping the psychologist will see through whatever he is covering up and gets him on the right track. I visited tonight and he was angry I didn't bring any benzos for him. "This is all for nothing and you effed up", he said. He says he isn't sleeping and what they're giving him doesn't take the extreme pain away. Says his feet feel like needles all over.

They said when he gets all the alcohol out and nutrients in, the pain should recede. But man o man.....where do we go from here? With state insurance the rehab options suck and I heard that is correct, but any rehab is better than just coming right home...right? But ok I'm relaxing best I can for now.

Seren

Said respectfully, but it's 'where does he go from here?'

One of the biggest lessons in letting go for me was realizing that for all the alcoholics/addicts in my life, that decision is entirely their's to make.

I hope you will realize, too, that you do not have to keep talking to him when you visit if he becomes verbally abusive--and it sounds like he is.

The feet thing sounds a lot like the neuropathy pain we diabetics get sometimes. Hopefully his pain will go away soon. Perhaps then his humor will improve and he will start to grab hold of recovery and healing.

Justfor1

He's mad you didn't bring any benzos for him??? Was he abusing those as well as the booze? They should be giving him meds to help him detox in the hospital.

Readysteady

I don't know exactly what or how much or how often he took what. I agree it is his decision on what to do next. I want to talk with them about what happens right after detox. He says with his state insurance, the only rehab options are s**ty. I want permission to talk with them about his reports and options, as he's always kept us in the dark in the past. He can't just come right home with the mindset he has. No way, he needs to be somewhere for awhile.

HopefulmomtoD

I may be a beotch, but no way would my brother (or anyone) talk to me like that.

You deserve to be treated respectfully and if you let him get away with treating and talking to you disrespectfully- it will never stop.

JMO, of course.

Maylie

So you go out of your way to visit him and in turn he yells at you for not bringing him drugs while he is in DETOX?! Hmm.. sounds like he is panicking that he is going to need to end his relationship with drugs and alcohol and that the addict inside him is screaming. A little "thank you for visiting me" would have been nice eh?

As stated above, it is up to him what he does next. I know you are trying to be supportive, but there is nothing more you can do. You got him to a detox where he can detox in a safe environment with professionals and you are even offering emotional support by visiting despite his nasty and verbally abusive behavior.

It sounds like he is making excuses about why he shouldn't go to rehab. Sure, maybe the rehab that his insurance covers isn't the most plush and nicest rehab out there, but a crappy rehab is still better than no rehab. There has to be something he can take away from even the crappiest rehab and if nothing else, it will give him more clean time and some therapy. Don't let his complaints of he only has crappy options fool you into feeling sorry for him that his options aren't so great.

Further, great options or crappy options, it isn't your problem. He is a grown up and needs to decide what to do on his own and your main priority needs to be your own well being. Do something nice for yourself and relax today. We love our addicted loved ones but that doesn't mean that we need should forget how much we love ourselves.

Recovering2

Okay, I'd cut him a "small" break on not being nice when you showed up at detox. He is probably firing on all cylinders right now as the drugs leave his body. I'm sure he's feeling all kinds of pain, etc that he hasn't felt in awhile due to self medicating. Does not mean you have to accept verbal abuse, just saying he's probably miserable right now and even scared of what's going on.

I agree, any rehab is better than no rehab. Of course, if he's not willing or ready, he's going to tell you the rehab available is s****y. If it's what available, he should take advantage, there will be help there. It may not be the Ritz Carlton, but they'll still do the work with him.

I'll say it again....take care of you. (((hugs)))

Readysteady

I totally agree with what all of you have said. I do understand him going through the detox is making him an emotional mess. Yes, it is up to HIM to want it. I did talk with his Dr and he said he isn't the psychiatrist but there is definitely something going on. (brother says he talked with them and they think he's fine...heard that before. Even in his state, he wants to do it his way)
Last night when I visited I told them I need the psych to call me. Whenever he comes home, the same things wind up happening. He's never had the recovery mindset (you know it in their words and demeanor). Altho he's a good guy, there's quite a rebellious attitude with him.
I've been relaxing as much as possible, but not being sure what day he'll be released, or if he'll go somewhere they recommend just after detox....has me on the edge. Without mental help, it can be very difficult at times and the home feels tense, and at least so far....not too long (a few months) after he's out of the hospital we find out he's drinking again....when it's at the stage where he's quite sick.
So I am trying to take care of me, just hoping it goes different this time. Tough love is definitely in order when needed.

Thank you all....ok time for shower then work. (((and hugs back to you!)))