Guilt in a Box
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 76
Guilt in a Box
I don't know where I would be without Alanon. Funny I say that because a few months ago, I thought I would be strong enough to do it all on my own. I've been feeling major guilt, as I told you in my earlier post, regarding telling my husband's PO that he was drinking. I shared this tonight when we were working step 1.
My feeling is that I have failed step one because I made that call in effort to "control" his drinking (or eliminate it). While on the other hand, one could look at it as I tried to control my own life by making sure his drinking could no longer effect me....
Either way, someone gave me a great way to help me "table" the guilt. "Put it in a box, seal it, and place it on a very high shelf to deal with at a later time." Remarkably, that is close to what all of you told me to do, as well. So....I am choosing to listen to all of you with more experience in the program as me. I am putting it in my little "box" and taking things one day at a time.
for helping me get to this point....My life is far from uncomplicated..but I am finding some peace in knowing we are hopefully headed in the right direction.
My feeling is that I have failed step one because I made that call in effort to "control" his drinking (or eliminate it). While on the other hand, one could look at it as I tried to control my own life by making sure his drinking could no longer effect me....
Either way, someone gave me a great way to help me "table" the guilt. "Put it in a box, seal it, and place it on a very high shelf to deal with at a later time." Remarkably, that is close to what all of you told me to do, as well. So....I am choosing to listen to all of you with more experience in the program as me. I am putting it in my little "box" and taking things one day at a time.
for helping me get to this point....My life is far from uncomplicated..but I am finding some peace in knowing we are hopefully headed in the right direction.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Some people call that box (real or imaginary) a "God Box". You put those things you can't control or that you worry about into the box and let your HP deal with it. 
Great idea--good for you for trying it!
Great idea--good for you for trying it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 433
Great imagery to use in corralling guilt. Thanks for the reminder to use "the box."
It sounds like you're becoming more aware of your part, always a good thing. I've been working the Al-Anon program a long time. Awareness is no simple thing; it can be, but it can also have many different aspects to it and it takes time to process it all.
Sometimes I have to stay in Awareness for a while, "getting it," before I'm able to truly accept what is and make a decision to act/or not on it differently. Be sure to go easy on yourself through this process. Sitting in awareness and watching what you're doing is a huge step and must be taken first. It takes time and it's worth it.
It sounds like you're becoming more aware of your part, always a good thing. I've been working the Al-Anon program a long time. Awareness is no simple thing; it can be, but it can also have many different aspects to it and it takes time to process it all.
Sometimes I have to stay in Awareness for a while, "getting it," before I'm able to truly accept what is and make a decision to act/or not on it differently. Be sure to go easy on yourself through this process. Sitting in awareness and watching what you're doing is a huge step and must be taken first. It takes time and it's worth it.
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