EverySngleNight

I'm wondering if anyone here "outed" themselves about their alcohol problem? If so, what were the pro's and con's? If no, why did you decide not to? Thank you in advance for sharing.

ElegantlyWasted

What do you mean by "outed"? For me personally I have some very Important people I trust that know, other than that Its no one else's business.

Mizzuno

My family already knew that I had alcohol problems. I do not feel the need to share my business with the world. It is a private matter. I just do not drink, and that is all there is to it.

EverySngleNight

I mean telling people- friends, family, etc. that you have a problem. I wonder if it's helpful or harmful, and in what ways. Apologies if initial post was vague.

ScottFromWI

I see no need. The people who my drinking affected already know because I don't drink anymore. The handful of drinking buddies I had know because I don't show up at the brewpub anymore ( to drink at least ). To me i don't see a need to announce it to anyone else, although if someone would ask me I'd have no problem telling them that I don't drink.

Chilledice

Hmmm i didnt need to tell my family they already knew through my actions, falling through the door, starting fights getting arrested, hearing me crack open a can in my room at 7 am so it was already ' out there ' However i am very lucky that they have stood by me and support me

MidnightBlue

I was a "lonely" drinker, and it rarely affected anyone but me.


Now when go to restaurant or meet my friends I just tell them "I'm not drinking alcohol any more" and don't dwell much on that.

Dollyangel17

Well my husband "outed" me between us. I am officially sober 2 weeks today, and so far only my husband (and you fine folks) know. Although my family knows I am not drinking, they think it's because I went on a diet. I am not ready for them all to know at once.

I am very close to my mom, who by the way is also a recovering alcoholic (almost 40 years for that lovely lady), and I am ready to tell her, but haven't had the opportunity to do so in person yet. When I see her, there are always other people around, or my daughter is with us. I don't know if I can do it in person, so I think this weekend I will have a conversation with her over the phone.

ElegantlyWasted

I think you do need to be selective and confide in like minded people/friends (who function as a support group). There are potential mine fields if you out yourself on facebook.

Definitely helpful and in my case very necessary.

doggonecarl

Are you wondering if you should tell, or not tell, someone, EverySngleNight? There are pros and cons to either decision. I see no harm in telling someone, or any number of people, especially if you would gain from their support.

And, as others have said, it's no one's business but your own.

However, not telling people, for some, is just a way to leave the door open for drinking. In other words, if you don't tell anyone, you can return to drinking without being accountable.

So if you are leaning toward not telling people, look within for your motivation.

EverySngleNight

Yeah- I had definitely been looking at it from the accountability perspective. But there have been things about my life that I've had to be guarded about- because whether folks realize it or not- they tend to assign stereo-types to you and become judgmental. Which isn't supportive or helpful. But, I also fear the accountability from my trusted loved ones. I feel it may be healthier to let them know, and I feel I'm deceiving myself in a way. Like I'm setting it up to be okay if I fall back in. That seems wrong to me somehow... But no rush decision here, that's why I'm interested in your experiences.

choublak

In most cases family and friends have figured it out already.

SnwFlower

I was also a private drinker and feel that it's no-one else's business. I've shared only with my best friend that I felt I was drinking too much and decided to quit. When I go out with friends I just say I don't drink alcohol anymore. If they ask I just tell them I'm getting healthier, and also that it always made my allergies worse. They do however comment on how much better/healthier I look now, so it's inspired a few of them.

Anna

It's no one else's business, and I told no one. There would have been no benefit for me to tell friends or co-workers or anyone else. And, the fact is, there is still a great stigma for alcoholics, that we are weak, lazy, etc.

Sazzle

I'm proud that I don't drink but I don't tell people the ins and outs of my problem with alcohol. My parents and three very close friends know that I can't drink. I wouldn't want 'normal drinkers' trying to push alcohol on me or assuming things about me and I certainly don't want my employers or colleagues to know. I just tell people I don't drink.

It's a personal health issue to me and I wouldn't say 'I'm not drinking tonight as I'm an alcoholic' any more than I'd say 'I'm not going to sit down tonight as I've got piles'. (I don't have by the way!!)

S x

melivinsober

The answers I'm seeing are interesting. It seems pretty unanimous that people keep it hush. I was not really that way. I tried to do it by myself for several years. This last time, (102 days ago ) I told everyone I felt comfortable with. I told some extended family members and even my grandparents. My mother and brother knew. But I felt like saying it to them was more for them than me. Like saying, "Hey I know you know... and I know now too."
But I feel like telling people has liberated me. And I feel like it holds me more accountable. I don't blurt it out everywhere, but I probably have told more people than other alcoholics have told people.

For me... that just felt right.

drunkyjules

I was pretty much an at home drinker so my husband knows but that is because he has seen me struggle for years trying to "get it".

Now I'm sober about a month and he sees the effort that I have put into being sober - going to AA etc.

Still haven't told others close to me but eventually it will probably come out. I'm just better off without alcohol. I think "we" think about the drinking/not drinking and how to explain it more than what others do.

MissMushroom

I have just recently had my first revelation that I have a problem. I am not sure if I will tell anyone. The friend who was recently involved with a horrendous situation through my drinking will know (when she is talking to me again - I hope that is soon!).

Other than that I won't tell anyone else outside my family. The reason I won't tell anyone is because of the stigma. The irony, of course, is that we live in a Western, and very much hedonistic, society and, yet, people still seem shocked that such a thing as alcoholism exists and cannot understand why people get caught up in it.

You can't explain to someone that has learned to be prejudice against such a thing.

it's like a farmer trying to teach pigs the two times tables and expecting them to understand.

I have to educate myself more before I educate others (i.e. family members) about this.
At the end of the day, I will not allow anyone to invade my recovery space through absentmindedness and ignorance, which is what will happen if I disclose my alcohol problem.

neferkamichael

In the beginning of my sobriety and until this day I tell everyone that I don't drink.

hypochondriac

I told my family because I felt like I was leaving the door open for drinking if I didn't. That was a mixed bag really. They didn't understand and I found that stressful but now it's all just normal and I had a drink problem but am okay now. I had a slight revelatory moment with my mother recently as she phoned me to tell me she had just heard Damien Hirst on desert island discs and 'he's an alcoholic too and has been sober 6 years'. It was like it gave her some point of reference to my problem but it was sweet cos it was the first time she'd openly acknowledged it.

I haven't really told many other people but I am seriously considering it as I am looking to volunteer with an alcohol addiction agency and I don't want to cover that up and feel like I'd have to explain why. Maybe I won't though and will just say I'm trying to be helpful. I want to be open because I think it might help others and because people don't seem to believe me it might dispel a few myths about alcoholics. The only disadvantage is that people won't get it and may judge you but then that would be less likely to happen if people were more honest about this in general. Bit of a catch 22. I'd say do whatever you feel like at the time