AugustWest11

and for some odd reason have been fighting back tears for the last 3 hours; ; ironically almost exactly when the packie opened :p Been fighting the urge all day .. a very strong urge .. Have started several post then deleted before I posted; answered a few . Then have just read some more . This is harder then I wanted it to be; but I am sure I am not the only one who thinks or has thought that . There is no reason for me to drink; the pain I feel is minimal today; well compared to the norm . My worries and anxiety is extremely high though and that is getting too much for me . The fact my pain is so minimal opens the door to that long shameful walk & honestly want to take it . I haven't put shoes on yet; or woke the cats from there front porch perch though; so that is a good sign. I was smart enough to buy extra smokes yesterday so as not to have to go again today . I would take a walk; but I really fear it will turn into "that" walk . Maybe not out of thought at first but instinct . Don't mind my ramblings; just trying to stay sober for another few minutes at this point .. In an earlier response I opened up more then I think I have opened up to ANYONE, other then 1 person I should say; (including family) Then I have in the past 10+ years . Not sure if that is what brought the tears or the fact the thoughts running through my head .. But I know I am 10 minutes past 3 days now; b\c of my long winded post :p TY SR .

Anna

Good for you for coming here and talking about your feelings.

I found Days 3/4 to be the hardest ever for me. Once I got past that point, I got a bit more confidence and felt like, maybe I really could do this. Hang in there and do something to distract yourself if possible. I love the walking idea (my favorite thing) but if you fear you will follow the usual route, maybe it's not a good idea?

Jeni26

Day 3 was the hardest for me too. Be kind to yourself. Don't expect too much too soon.

It will get easier xxx

AugustWest11

Honestly Anna; I can not say if I will or won't; But I know my mind is telling me NOT to put on my shoes :p

MidnightBlue

August, days 3-4 were real struggle, hold on.

And don't fight back tears - it's normal, accept your emotions.

Ramble as much as you need.

Take care)

Michael66

Those first days are a real pain - but you only have to get through them once. I thought of them a bit like cycling up a hill. I really wanted to stop climbing, but I knew there was a top to the hill, and once I got there I would be really glad.

You only need go through this once.

God bless +

AugustWest11

Funny; I think crying was the reason I was so closed off lol . Cause it has been roughly 10 or so years since I cried . I have had times where I teared up like this; but honestly haven't cried since before 2000 maybe ...

Badwolf

Day three myself, hang in there, it's going to be so worth it.. that anxiety, worries, all can be handled better with a sober mind, when you add in drinking, you're going to open the door for depression, and that feeling of letting yourself down.. it's not worth that high feeling you may get for a few hours. don't let your feelings control you. take it hour by hour, dont give up on yourself. keep thinking towards the future and where you want to be at by tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.. do you see yourself happy and successful with alcohol still in your life?

Theres too much to see in life, to do, and the time we have is too short to waste by being ****** up all the time. there's no telling what awesome things you're destined for in life, who's life you might change by staying sober.. keep strong

ScottFromWI

To echo what everyone else has said, the first week is one of the worst, and you are right in the thick of it. It will get better. The emotions are completely normal too, your body is just barely beginning to learn how to exist without being flooded with alcohol, and you are actaully feeling thigns again. Crying is totally normal, and don't try to hold it back.

Stay strong, the alternative is that you have to go back and do it all over again at day 1..and we don't want that, right?

AugustWest11

Not sure about the we part :p lol But NO day 1 was hell .. just ... honestly it seems I want to say pointless; but not sure that is what I am looking for .. I do realize the point .. I love the idea of sobriety, the concept; the reality of it .. Too much time of my life has been spent drunk so I KNOW it is not the way .. Just not a good day I guess ... But TY All

Chilledice

Dude this is these past 3 days have been HUGE tests for you!! and guess what? You are passing EVERY one of those tests! You have shown strenth and courage bro keep it going because you are doing great my friend

ScottFromWI

I simply meant "we" as in alcoholics in general and the SR community. No one wants to have to go through Day 1 again. I certainly don't want to again and don't want you to either. Stay strong and keep writing, we're here to listen.

AugustWest11

I knew Scott; just trying to turn this frown upside down :p It is what I have done for the last 13 years or so .. Make jokes so there are no tears :p

ElegantlyWasted

We're here to get you through it... I'm on day 21 and would not have made it had I not logged in here. Early on everything can be emotionally overwhelming, so don't feel like something is really wrong with you. It's good and normal to feel emotions (intensely) that so many of us were avoiding by self medicating. Your mind and body is just going through some adjusting.

MidnightBlue

You know, I'm about the same -

"Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on"

But suppressed emotions do need a let-out.

Don't mean to bring frown here, just a thought)

AugustWest11

No I know your all right I do .. In my heart as well as my SOBER mind ... Even went outside to smoke a cig; but grabbed my slippers and not my "walkin' shoes" So much I have heald inside for so long; not including these last few weeks that I am not sure I want to revisit right now .. Not so sure what I am saying I do want though .. Just rambling ...

AugustWest11

I think today is just weighing on me too much for my shoulders too bear; then Opening up about my accident an such just brought back a flood of emotions i didn't & still don't wanna deal with . I am taking a breather on my back porch to ponder where do I go from here .. In my slippers mind you . I have 12 days till I see my doc; so that is an added thought process as well . Thank You ALL so much for the kind words and encouragement and I will be back in a few; hopefully to post a hello or something and not to put my shoes on .. Again TY.

MidnightBlue

Maybe, hide your shoes somewhere? )

Best luck, let thoughts go, at least try to.

AugustWest11

Well that idea didn't go over well :p Seems my biggest cat was concerned and sat at the back door Meowing out me the entire time :p so much for peace & quiet .. But still no shoes .. lol I do have a bad memory so hiding them might work lol

MidnightBlue

Hope you are still in slippers and your cat is quiet now)