Property Lines
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Property Lines
Monday, May 13, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Property Lines
A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.
If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.
If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.
If someone is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.
If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is his or her property, not ours. If someone has no approval or nurturing to give away, that is that person's property.
People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too. Not us.
People's hope and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.
If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. Other people's choices are their property, not ours.
What people choose to say and do is their business.
What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.
In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what's ours.
Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with my issues, my responsibilities, and myself. I will take my hands off what is not mine.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Property Lines
A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.
If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.
If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.
If someone is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.
If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is his or her property, not ours. If someone has no approval or nurturing to give away, that is that person's property.
People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too. Not us.
People's hope and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.
If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. Other people's choices are their property, not ours.
What people choose to say and do is their business.
What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.
In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what's ours.
Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with my issues, my responsibilities, and myself. I will take my hands off what is not mine.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
CatsPajamas, a long time member here (I wouldn't dare call her an old member)...Cats often uses the analogy of a hula hoop. If I picture myself standing in the centre of a hula hoop, everything inside that hoop is my business and belongs to me. Everything outside that hoop is none of my business.
When I catch myself stressing over something I often ask myself...which side of the hula hoop does this belong?
Hugs
When I catch myself stressing over something I often ask myself...which side of the hula hoop does this belong?
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
LMN,
Perfect (as always!)....but don't leave out the legal concept of
constructive condonation..........neighbors tree grows into your
property.You're pissed but say nothing. Later on, tree pisses you
off so (10 yrs later) ...so you go to the judge......who says "You
had 10 years to bring an action---now that small piece of property
belongs to jerk neighbor......."constructive condonation"
(lots of parallels with addiction---if you let them on YOUR turf long
enough....it magically becomes THEIR turf)
......moral of story (obviously)
1)know your boundaries
2)guard your turf
Perfect (as always!)....but don't leave out the legal concept of
constructive condonation..........neighbors tree grows into your
property.You're pissed but say nothing. Later on, tree pisses you
off so (10 yrs later) ...so you go to the judge......who says "You
had 10 years to bring an action---now that small piece of property
belongs to jerk neighbor......."constructive condonation"
(lots of parallels with addiction---if you let them on YOUR turf long
enough....it magically becomes THEIR turf)
......moral of story (obviously)
1)know your boundaries
2)guard your turf
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
This is one of my favorite topics, because I need so much help with it. This is good for me who is dealing with care taking if family member. I feel for other family members who are also hurting and exhausted. I deal with a lot if expectations they have of me. This is a good reminder to stay in my hula hoop and own what is mine.
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