luv2teachkids

Well, if you followed my earlier posts, I was getting tired of things here, but did not hit my breaking point. I finally reached it after three weeks of fighting nonstop with my AH. I looked for a place to live, bought myself a new car (mine needed a transmission and I was relying on AH to transport me), and I prepared to leave. Last Monday night, he decided to get really, really drunk and was a total jerk to me and the kids. Then, he drove off.

I packed the kids up and headed to a hotel. When he got home later that night, he was outraged I was gone...later, he told me he was shocked I left. The next day, he was still a jerk..

Until around 11:30 that morning. I called his PO and asked them to do a random blood test. He was one month away from being off probation and had already said numerous times he planned to continue to drink this summer. His kids were scheduled to come for the summer, and I don't want a repeat of last summer. That is not healthy for anyone. His PO immediately called him and told him they were doing a random blood draw. Panic set in...

He freaked out and called me a mess. It was the first he talked to me without screaming at me in a few weeks. He said he had screwed his life up and he just can't keep doing this anymore. He called his PO, fessed up, then went to get the test done. Then, he called the insurance company to ask for inpatient rehab and mental care. This is the first big move and admission he has ever made. He stayed home that night and cried saying how badly he felt that he had treated my kids the way he had for so long and me. He has never apologized for that before. It was different though than any apology he has made in the past...wasn't a "poor me" or pity kinda thing...seemed to be somewhat genuine. I was very stand-offish, as I continue to be at this point.

He entered rehab and stayed two nights. Our insurance said since he didn't need to detox, they would not pay for the inpatient care. So, he came home last night and is now supposed to go daily from 9-5 for therapy. He went eagerly today and then came home and went to AA. He is an emotional wreck it seems...

As for me...I am very hesitant, hopeful, and scared. I had started to really detach and even lose feelings for him. I was trying more than anything to focus on my kids and myself and forget the love I had for the man and focus more on the anger in order to move on. BUT...then he made effort. Real effort....so here I am, trying to try.

My kids are kinda in the same boat. They had officially given up as of Monday. They've waited so long for him to commit to this and a day later, he decides to do it. I know it is going to take time...

DroPsoJuPiTeR

its a roller coaster ride, isnt it? we love them , hang on and hope things get better, become so angry and leave, say were done done done, and then they sincerely try....
Good luck .... Im in the same boat you are, its not easy i think my addict alcoholic husband said he has 51 days cleanand sober today and its been hell but hes in recovery and so am i so thats what counts...
the important thing is to keep changing and working on YOU for the sake of you and your kids.....no matter what he is doing. if he keeps changing for the better GREAT but if not, keep on moving forward, easier said than done!!!! progress, not perfection....

I think Ill take my own advice while im at it
Sincerely though I wish you your kids and your husband well

luv2teachkids

I hear you...so much easier to give advice then to take it. I am trying like crazy to work on me....

I want for things to work. I have two kids (12 and 13), he has three, 11, 14, and 15. The kids have been together since the youngest was 3 and are super, super close. I feel like I'd be giving up not to try..especially now.

However, with that said, before this week, he had refused to be intimate with me since February. He treated me like crap and barely looked in my direction...now, he figures out he was wrong and wants me and I stiffen up! When I took him to rehab he went to hug me and I couldn't even hug back. I felt so guilty! I cried all the way home (an hour drive). I had been wanting and waiting for affection for so very long that when he finally gave it, I couldn't bring myself to receive it. I am certainly messed up.

In the meantime, I've been getting a lot of attention from other men (NOT WHAT IS BEST, I ADMIT). While i know this is not good for me, my family, or this situation, it is messing with my head to know that while my man was rejecting me for all the various things that he said was wrong with me, other men would want me and possibly treat me right.

I need time for me....and I certainly need Alanon. I had gone to a few meetings a few weeks ago then quit cus I felt if he wasn't going to get help or do counseling, why bother..OBVIOUSLY that was a wrong move. I need it for me regardless of what he does.

Here's hoping one day at a time my mind will sort itself out and I will figure out if this is meant to be..

DroPsoJuPiTeR

i have felt the same way. ive been turned down or he just fell asleep,or just down right rude degrading comments in the past when he was using and i didnt know it.... thats when i started noticing the men who were noticing me. and i proceeded to talk to and flirt with the ones who flirted with me....
it felt good did something for my self esteem to know i wasnt undesirable, and i could have someone who was nice looking and i was worthy of attention....
but now that i look back i shake my head and try not to think about what ive done because it makes my stomach turn....
i didnt feel guilty for a long time but i have lately.

also, i relate to you finally getting the attention and not being able to recieve it. its like hes hugging a brick wall.
we get numb to the pain i think.
same reason im here, same as you, HAVE TO give it a shot if hes trying. sincerely trying.....
I have started alanon a couple times, one time he started getting better and i stopped going so i could take care of the kids, and he could go to his meetings while i did everything at home....
and now I am taking MY recovery seriously, I didnt realize that I must keep going for my own recovery the firsst time....
we ALL need sanity and alone time and alanon is one of the best things Ive ever started....
PLEASE keep going !! they say that sometimes the qualifier in your life notices how youve changed and it just might make them start to want to get better themselves, as Im sure you know....