owathu

I hung out with my husband's best friend last night. we both lost someone, so, why not. And he told me that AH always saw me as a "Them", and not a "We".

Essentially it explains everything, I was a "them" and never was a "we". He in his drunken state thought that I was against him. So sick.

It makes me sad as well, that he never believed I was on his team. And I said to Ah's best friend, you have absolutely no idea what it was like living with him. You saw good AH, his whole family saw good AH, and there I was, I was the "problem", always was, I didn't get "him".

It's like being tossed against a brick wall. To know, I was a "them". He told me my husband, after I moved out, and she moved in, that he put all my stuff that I hadn't gotten yet in a room, it was the "regret" room as he called it.

Wow. He also put his dog in that room as well, the dog he claims love, his room was also the "regret" room. The dog I am retraining right now. Amazing.


Nothing like someone watching it to put into perspective for you. I love his best friend, he's a really good guy, and he's known AH since high school. He says to run and never look back. I think I will take his advice. After all, I am a "them".

Shadydeal

He has to blame someone otherwise he has to look at his self!

dandylion

owathu, I think sassydog is exactly right. No matter how much we do or sacrifice for the alcoholic--they still see anyone that tries to come between them and their ability to freely drink as the enemy. We are the pesky mosquito buzzing around their head.

He did not leave because of you--He left because of him!!! He just blamed you--and you are so willing to accept the blame. (I say this gently). If you are wondering how you weren't "enough"--it is like you are joining him in his song. Please stop singing his song with him. It is eroding your self-esteem.

Don't feel bad about being in company with the dog--that dog will always treat you with respect--and would give his life for you, if required. His dog deserves better.

You just need to turn your attention to your own self discovery, now. He is taking up too much space in your head.

sincerely, dandylion

fourmaggie

isn't SHIFT BLAMING great?

my moms says..."could you imagine if they did look at themselves?--they would need a drink!"

owathu

I hear you. I need to evict him. He was not a good husband, but, God I loved that ring. I loved wearing and feeling like I belonged.

Hey world! Someone loves me enough! It was a lie.

Husband wise, he was horrible, just sittng there, like a lump on a log. I could not do it anymore. Limit was reached. And, **** it, what I would give for him to be sitting there. Sick.

LifeRecovery

My ex told me one sentance after another.

"You are the most sane person I know." Followed by "I need more excitement in my life then you can offer....because of my ADD."

That was SO painful to me for so long....here I am in many ways the best person I can be in his life....but not enough.

Many years later I realized that was exactly the problem. I was becoming healthy enough to not want the excitement that came along with his drinking. I was never going to be enough to make the addiction stop.....that has to come from him.

Hugs to you today.

dandylion

:rotfxko:rotfxko:rotfxkoDear LifeRecovery---Snort, snort, giggle...........I just have to say that this is a new one on me: I need more excitement than you can offer---because of my ADD!!

They can be shockingly grandiose! It is even more shocking that we often buy it!!

dandylion

CodeJob

Salvage the dog with some training and keep taking steps forward. All the best to you.

LifeRecovery

I know....and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

...and the convoluted thought process that I was sane, but still not right????

I tell you I was going to get into a relationship with someone who struggled with addiction....I was primed for it.