Hello out there?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 19
Hello out there?
Urgh - I need to sort my life out TODAY, I have everything in the world on my side and instead I choose to be a liar and a looser. I have been addicted to cocaine just over 1 year and its just a terrible terrible thing. I'm not quite ready to tell my full story this morning, I'm at work and as I can already feel tears it might have to wait.
All I can say is that I want my life back, I love my life and I want it back before I loose it for good.
Ok the tears have started so I'm going to stop for a minute. I'm sorry if this isn't how you post for the first time, but it feels good to write something down!!! Thanks for being there - whoever u are!! Xx
All I can say is that I want my life back, I love my life and I want it back before I loose it for good.
Ok the tears have started so I'm going to stop for a minute. I'm sorry if this isn't how you post for the first time, but it feels good to write something down!!! Thanks for being there - whoever u are!! Xx
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Lonely you need a hug give yourself a hug. I can feel your pain the knot in the throat. This disappointment in yourself. I was a drinker but the substance if choice I suppose is irrelevant. Take care of yourself today nurture that person that is feeling so low. Keep writing and posting it will really help. I wandered around this site the first few weeks of sobriety too afraid to post. Like if I wrote and posted it would be real. But guess whst it is real.
There is something cathartic about writing to strangers we can't judge we've all been there and we don't know who the hell you are so let it out and you may find much needed support here.
Try and genuinely smile today! Think about the great things you have. Good luck
There is something cathartic about writing to strangers we can't judge we've all been there and we don't know who the hell you are so let it out and you may find much needed support here.
Try and genuinely smile today! Think about the great things you have. Good luck
Hope for change
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Long Meadow, MA
Posts: 101
Just let it all out, it's so therapeutic . Even if u let it all out just to re read what you wrote. It helps seeing all the chaos written out infront of you. The first step is wanting to better yourself and your life. Although u might have bumps along the way, it's great that ur hear and trying to better your future. everyone here had similar stories that we can relate to. So even if ur not ready to post, just keep reading . Welcome to sr!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: NY
Posts: 111
Your not alone... I know the feeling you're feeling .... I've held those tears back and have continued... I've been here for a couple weeks now and haven't even begun my story I'm not sure how to start it... It's a long one That's for sure. This is my second trip down the sobriety roller coaster... Maybe someday I'll tell my story when I'm ready... But today I'm focusing on not giving in to my craving ... I need to go home and sleep
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Jstan maybe writing your story on paper will help you rather then posting perhaps its less of a vulnerable place to be. I also lingered here not posting for fear of writing my story that somehow that would make it real but it is real. I felt a charge of renewed excitement about sobriety after posting so many people related to me. Something I hadn't experienced in quite a long time
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Welcome to SR.
I just had a good cry ten minutes ago writing out some feelings I have. It helped to get them out.
In my case I don't think I want to go back. I can't live in the past but I can't run from it either. I can only take what I am learning and move forward.
Don't worry to much about what you post or how you post. Sometimes just writing it down is the first step.
I just had a good cry ten minutes ago writing out some feelings I have. It helped to get them out.
In my case I don't think I want to go back. I can't live in the past but I can't run from it either. I can only take what I am learning and move forward.
Don't worry to much about what you post or how you post. Sometimes just writing it down is the first step.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 19
Thank you so much for all the encouragement, straight away too! Think I'm in denial a bit today - after feeling really rubbish this morning I feel ok now. I definitely have felt like this before then - why not make a call?!?! But just writing that down makes me want to not do it. You're all right, reading these thoughts back really helps me. My lovely husband doesn't know and I can't tell him, that's the worst thing. Having this forum to talk to really helps though, admitting I've been lying to people out loud makes it real. Perhaps I will write my story down on paper first like you suggested, I guess it's a start. Thank you xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 19
Can I ask a question? When you all first joined what did you do on this site? Just read lots of forums, joined in? Chat rooms?
I feel like I want to check in here every day and every time I need to focus on staying clean, probably a good few times a day at the moment! Can anyone advise me what to do?
I feel like I want to check in here every day and every time I need to focus on staying clean, probably a good few times a day at the moment! Can anyone advise me what to do?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
I haven't been in chat rooms, but am on forums a lot right now. I am limiting my real life activities (and stress) until I am further down the sobriety road. And I kinda like being lazy for a change. Over time, I will probably be here less, but I don't want to lose my connection to the point that my alcoholic voices convinces me that I can control my drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Lonelyone10 
Urgh - I need to sort my life out TODAY, I have everything in the world on my side and instead I choose to be a liar and a looser. I have been addicted to cocaine just over 1 year and its just a terrible terrible thing. I'm not quite ready to tell my full story this morning, I'm at work and as I can already feel tears it might have to wait.
All I can say is that I want my life back, I love my life and I want it back before I loose it for good.
Ok the tears have started so I'm going to stop for a minute. I'm sorry if this isn't how you post for the first time, but it feels good to write something down!!! Thanks for being there - whoever u are!! Xx
All I can say is that I want my life back, I love my life and I want it back before I loose it for good.
Ok the tears have started so I'm going to stop for a minute. I'm sorry if this isn't how you post for the first time, but it feels good to write something down!!! Thanks for being there - whoever u are!! Xx
you! I look forward to hearing more form you.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
My first month I didn't join only visited as a guest and read posts. I was still remaining sober but thought if I wrote my identity would be found out silly I know! At day 32 I finally posted my story that I dealt ashamed of expecting to hear no feedback and quite the go testy happened! People rally around you.
Of you're like me you may not have people in your real life that you can talk and confess openly too. This site gives you that.
Of you're like me you may not have people in your real life that you can talk and confess openly too. This site gives you that.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi LonelyOne 
I cried when I got here too - I so wanted my life back as well - and finding a group of people who understood and were willing to help me? well, that was astounding to me - still is, sometimes
Read around and post as much as you like
oh...and I got my life back - I know you will too
Welcome
D
I cried when I got here too - I so wanted my life back as well - and finding a group of people who understood and were willing to help me? well, that was astounding to me - still is, sometimes
Read around and post as much as you like
oh...and I got my life back - I know you will too
Welcome
D
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Lonelyone, Yes, just let it all out, it's so therapeutic. Don't let that cocaine addiction drag on for 32 years like I did. Think about what you could do with that $300,000 dollars you'll save. Rootin for ya. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 19
Oh good it's working again! I feel ok today but its more because I have zero money so the opportunity isn't there. Spending the day with my husband but really worried he wants to go food shopping and I have no money! God it seems so pathetic! I know lots of people will think its terrible I can't speak to him about it but perhaps one day I will write down the reasons why.
It's amazing how quickly a coke habit can spiral out of control, this time last year I had thousands of pounds left after paying bills, now I owe thousands of pounds. Yuk.
Day 2 though, and your words of kindness and encouragement are really helping x
It's amazing how quickly a coke habit can spiral out of control, this time last year I had thousands of pounds left after paying bills, now I owe thousands of pounds. Yuk.
Day 2 though, and your words of kindness and encouragement are really helping x
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