Update on In-Laws Visit
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Update on In-Laws Visit
So, as expected, AW and I usually have a big blowout sometime around when her parents show up. Yesterday was no exception. I asked, in a calm voice, a reasonable question. That turned into her getting all defensive, bitching, accusing, etc. In other words - the usual.
At this point I'd had enough and said, "Let me ask you this: if Mrs. XXX (dear friend of ours) had been in charge of watching DS when you were in the hospital after birth, and Mrs. XXX had decided to drink herself stupid and become incapacitated and unable to care for DS, would you still let Mrs. XXX in our house?" She got all defensive, told me to stop crucifying her mother; and, get this: "I understand why she drank" (REALLLY??!?!?) She goes on: "She had to care for a baby (hugest reason NOT to drink), she had been away from home for several months (I offered to send her home many times), and her daughter was in the hospital not knowing whether I would live or die. So yes, I understand it." I was dumbfounded at that rationalization.
Later, when she was on the way to the airport to pick up the idiots, we talked and she said she understands how I feel, she too has not completely forgiven her mother and struggles with it all the time. "But", it's her mother. Me, I don't care if it was Queen Elizabeth - you don't get stupid drunk while watching a child, PERIOD. She said she understands that DS is THE most important being, and should be considered before all else.
Then she said, "I love my Mom and I'm a loyal person." Not saying you shouldn't have loyalty, but it can be done from afar and not put someone's life (especially an innocent child's life) in harm's way.
No comments need to be made on this, but feel free. It blew me away that she almost condones the drinking during that time. At least she says that DS is a priority - though her own actions with nightly drinking don't support those words. Again, denial in action.
Twenty more days until they leave. God, give me strength.
Peace to you all. Thanks for reading.
C-OH Dad
At this point I'd had enough and said, "Let me ask you this: if Mrs. XXX (dear friend of ours) had been in charge of watching DS when you were in the hospital after birth, and Mrs. XXX had decided to drink herself stupid and become incapacitated and unable to care for DS, would you still let Mrs. XXX in our house?" She got all defensive, told me to stop crucifying her mother; and, get this: "I understand why she drank" (REALLLY??!?!?) She goes on: "She had to care for a baby (hugest reason NOT to drink), she had been away from home for several months (I offered to send her home many times), and her daughter was in the hospital not knowing whether I would live or die. So yes, I understand it." I was dumbfounded at that rationalization.
Later, when she was on the way to the airport to pick up the idiots, we talked and she said she understands how I feel, she too has not completely forgiven her mother and struggles with it all the time. "But", it's her mother. Me, I don't care if it was Queen Elizabeth - you don't get stupid drunk while watching a child, PERIOD. She said she understands that DS is THE most important being, and should be considered before all else.
Then she said, "I love my Mom and I'm a loyal person." Not saying you shouldn't have loyalty, but it can be done from afar and not put someone's life (especially an innocent child's life) in harm's way.
No comments need to be made on this, but feel free. It blew me away that she almost condones the drinking during that time. At least she says that DS is a priority - though her own actions with nightly drinking don't support those words. Again, denial in action.
Twenty more days until they leave. God, give me strength.
Peace to you all. Thanks for reading.
C-OH Dad
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
You just can't fix stupid!
As a newborn, my youngest daughter had one of the worst cases of colic I have ever seen. We all took turns walking the floor with a newborn who was actually sweating bullets. It was so scary, and we all felt so very helpless.
I should have thought to get hammered every night, that would have solved everything. Ok, enough of my smart azz mouth.
hang in there, buddy. Only 20 days to go.
As a newborn, my youngest daughter had one of the worst cases of colic I have ever seen. We all took turns walking the floor with a newborn who was actually sweating bullets. It was so scary, and we all felt so very helpless.
I should have thought to get hammered every night, that would have solved everything. Ok, enough of my smart azz mouth.
hang in there, buddy. Only 20 days to go.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
It sounds like your frustration is in trying to reason with an alcoholic. Expecting her rationalization to actually be reasonable. Just because your wife doesn’t have a drink in her hand or hadn’t had one, doesn’t mean her thinking is clear. She is still operating with an alcohol soaked brain.
I hope the next 20 days pass quickly for you!!
I hope the next 20 days pass quickly for you!!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 148
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad 
Drinking half-gallon of vodka per week
The Hot Water Heater Trick doesnt sound like a bad idea!
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Dear CentralOhioDad, I think atalose has hit the core reason right on the nose. I found it a difficult leap to make---to not forget that the brain is not "normal" and NOT to expect it to be. But, it helped once I wrapped my brain around the fact that logic is a useless tool with an alcoholic. It meant that I could save my energy.
dandylion
dandylion
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"I love my Mom and I'm a loyal person."
what a load of crap.
you are dealing with the dead zone of the brain.
they are dead people. live babies do not matter.
i have to find a meeting right now!!!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Central Ohio Dad, I hope you post here every day - we are here for you!
Maybe we should all think of something new to post for you each day -maybe "only 19 days left"... "only 18 days".... I will volunteer to think of something more creative than that to keep you going.
You are a saint, and you are the only sane one on a boat of bozos, so be the captain if you need to be. None of them will be happy anyway, so if you need to make changes, just do what you need to do for your son.
Good luck!
ShootingStar1
Maybe we should all think of something new to post for you each day -maybe "only 19 days left"... "only 18 days".... I will volunteer to think of something more creative than that to keep you going.
You are a saint, and you are the only sane one on a boat of bozos, so be the captain if you need to be. None of them will be happy anyway, so if you need to make changes, just do what you need to do for your son.
Good luck!
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 8
I think the worst thing about talking to an alcoholic is the way they are SO defensive. It is hard to talk to them when they are drunk or sober. Any rational or logical thinking has diappeared in thier lives. It all revolves around them. They are the martyrs in their world and we are the persecutors. Sounds like the loyalty your wife has is toward a fellow drinker who happens to be her mother.
Hang in there. Keep telling yourself God never gives us more than we can handle....
Hang in there. Keep telling yourself God never gives us more than we can handle....
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Great Lakes
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Originally Posted by NashMylwife
I think the worst thing about talking to an alcoholic is the way they are SO defensive. It is hard to talk to them when they are drunk or sober. Any rational or logical thinking has diappeared in thier lives. It all revolves around them. They are the martyrs in their world and we are the persecutors.
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Location: Central O-H-I-O
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17 Days Left!!
Originally Posted by ShootingStar1
Central Ohio Dad, I hope you post here every day - we are here for you!
Maybe we should all think of something new to post for you each day -maybe "only 19 days left"... "only 18 days".... I will volunteer to think of something more creative than that to keep you going.
You are a saint, and you are the only sane one on a boat of bozos, so be the captain if you need to be. None of them will be happy anyway, so if you need to make changes, just do what you need to do for your son.
Good luck!
ShootingStar1
Maybe we should all think of something new to post for you each day -maybe "only 19 days left"... "only 18 days".... I will volunteer to think of something more creative than that to keep you going.
You are a saint, and you are the only sane one on a boat of bozos, so be the captain if you need to be. None of them will be happy anyway, so if you need to make changes, just do what you need to do for your son.
Good luck!
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Good Point!
Originally Posted by LifeRecovery
CentralOhioDad-
This may be irrelevant, but is she justifying it because she herself has done it? The answer does not matter, but that motivation might scare me if I was in your shoes.
This may be irrelevant, but is she justifying it because she herself has done it? The answer does not matter, but that motivation might scare me if I was in your shoes.
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And They Brought AW Booze!!
So, the In-laws brought "us" a bottle of booze. I try some, like an ounce, tastes like crap. AW proceeds to drink more than half of it Saturday night!!! And then wonders why she didn't feel well on Mother's Day.. Go figure.
Oh, and she was even more b*tchy than usual to me yesterday - even though DS and I bought her a balloon, and some jewelry, and made the meals and cleaned up.
It feels great to be unappreciated.
My son loves me, and so does God, that's all I need.
C-OH Dad
Oh, and she was even more b*tchy than usual to me yesterday - even though DS and I bought her a balloon, and some jewelry, and made the meals and cleaned up.
It feels great to be unappreciated.
My son loves me, and so does God, that's all I need.
C-OH Dad
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Western PA
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
So, the In-laws brought "us" a bottle of booze. I try some, like an ounce, tastes like crap. AW proceeds to drink more than half of it Saturday night!!! And then wonders why she didn't feel well on Mother's Day.. Go figure.
Oh, and she was even more b*tchy than usual to me yesterday - even though DS and I bought her a balloon, and some jewelry, and made the meals and cleaned up.
It feels great to be unappreciated.
My son loves me, and so does God, that's all I need.
C-OH Dad
Oh, and she was even more b*tchy than usual to me yesterday - even though DS and I bought her a balloon, and some jewelry, and made the meals and cleaned up.
It feels great to be unappreciated.
My son loves me, and so does God, that's all I need.
C-OH Dad
You are a great dad, and you are also being the mom. Warm thoughts to you.
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