Book Recommendation, The Gift of Fear
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Book Recommendation, The Gift of Fear
I am not sure if this book was ever talked about here, but I am almost finished reading the Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker.
It has an interesting way of removing the why’s and showing the facts, focusing on behaviors and warning signs that are always present, why we may feel them before we see them, why we miss them totally, how denial plays into it all.
Maybe it’s most important lesson is paying attention to our own intuition, or for the men that gut feeling.
It speaks of red flags, it gives lists of them and not just in terms of relationships. And oddly of laughter and how people express their fear that way thinking that they are a bit crazy themselves for worrying, afraid to express what they feel because they aren’t sure themselves why and yet maybe should have.
It offers views into TRO’s that might have helped those before they got one to understand the complexity of waging a war. And if a war is really what is needed. Because it should be known by now that there are no winners in a war. It offers other options…
It offers options into no contact and solutions for no contact ( that I had’t heard already ). It explains why changing ones number might not be a good idea, why having a man on your voice mail message might not be a good idea. Why it is never good to send the police to go talk to them…why it is not good to send another man over to do the same.
It offers a look into the minds of the abuser and the woman who stays … it speaks of how we truly are only a victim once, which I have always believed, but didn‘t really know why I did. Just that is made sense in my head. And explains in detail that if we can not see we made a choice to stay then we can not understand we can make a choice to leave. It flips it over and shows how not seeing the choice now allows the perpetrator to be excused for his actions, to blame them on drugs use, a bad childhood, or any other number of reasons and not see that they make a choice to beat, control, hurt …
‘men who can not let go, choose woman who can not say no”
It speaks of no being a complete sentence. Of how our culture has skewed the meaning of no as maybe later, maybe another time. It offers a view into how what we say is not what is heard based on how we say it. It has two extremely important chapters on “intimate enemies” and “I was trying to let him down easy’. It teaches those afraid of hurting another that you aren’t hurting being direct, but being honest with how you feel. Maybe the most important part is it hones one’s skills at paying attention to their own intuition and in seeing the signs of something not being right, right at the beginning, because the signs are there.
It also offers extras tidbits, resources, and questions parents should be asking their school, asking their baby sitters or nannies … how companies can protect workers, statistic on violence in america. With chapters on survival instincts and how we all have them, and other chapters such as promises to kill, persistence, persistence, violent children…
He also offers a reason why many don’t realize they are in danger.
And offers bits and pieces of his own story, a dysfunction home with drug abuse and violence as the norm.
For those who choose to pick it up, happy reading!
It has an interesting way of removing the why’s and showing the facts, focusing on behaviors and warning signs that are always present, why we may feel them before we see them, why we miss them totally, how denial plays into it all.
Maybe it’s most important lesson is paying attention to our own intuition, or for the men that gut feeling.
It speaks of red flags, it gives lists of them and not just in terms of relationships. And oddly of laughter and how people express their fear that way thinking that they are a bit crazy themselves for worrying, afraid to express what they feel because they aren’t sure themselves why and yet maybe should have.
It offers views into TRO’s that might have helped those before they got one to understand the complexity of waging a war. And if a war is really what is needed. Because it should be known by now that there are no winners in a war. It offers other options…
It offers options into no contact and solutions for no contact ( that I had’t heard already ). It explains why changing ones number might not be a good idea, why having a man on your voice mail message might not be a good idea. Why it is never good to send the police to go talk to them…why it is not good to send another man over to do the same.
It offers a look into the minds of the abuser and the woman who stays … it speaks of how we truly are only a victim once, which I have always believed, but didn‘t really know why I did. Just that is made sense in my head. And explains in detail that if we can not see we made a choice to stay then we can not understand we can make a choice to leave. It flips it over and shows how not seeing the choice now allows the perpetrator to be excused for his actions, to blame them on drugs use, a bad childhood, or any other number of reasons and not see that they make a choice to beat, control, hurt …
‘men who can not let go, choose woman who can not say no”
It speaks of no being a complete sentence. Of how our culture has skewed the meaning of no as maybe later, maybe another time. It offers a view into how what we say is not what is heard based on how we say it. It has two extremely important chapters on “intimate enemies” and “I was trying to let him down easy’. It teaches those afraid of hurting another that you aren’t hurting being direct, but being honest with how you feel. Maybe the most important part is it hones one’s skills at paying attention to their own intuition and in seeing the signs of something not being right, right at the beginning, because the signs are there.
It also offers extras tidbits, resources, and questions parents should be asking their school, asking their baby sitters or nannies … how companies can protect workers, statistic on violence in america. With chapters on survival instincts and how we all have them, and other chapters such as promises to kill, persistence, persistence, violent children…
He also offers a reason why many don’t realize they are in danger.
And offers bits and pieces of his own story, a dysfunction home with drug abuse and violence as the norm.
For those who choose to pick it up, happy reading!
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