TM75

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my behaviour and my attitudes.

The eye-opener for me was when I asked my sister if I could borrow her car (bearing in mind it's only a week since my last bender). When she'd stopped laughing, she told me in no uncertain terms that she didn't trust me one inch and I would probably drink and end up killing someone.

I was offended and said 'how dare you say that. If people aren't going to trust me, I might as well just continue drinking.'

Upon reflection, I realised how selfish, self-absorbed, childish and manipulative I have become. I have allowed alcohol to change me beyond recognition. How can I possibly expect instant trust when I've spent the last 17 years in a drunken haze, albeit it with brief periods of sobriety.

It's made me see that regaining trust is going to be a long, painful process. I cannot threaten people that I'll drink if I can't get my own way. I've become a child and it's time to grow up and prove it by actions rather than pointless words. Just thought I'd share this because it's really hit home over the last few days. It's time to change!!

Torso

Thats awesome you've recognised your behaviour and are positively reflecting on it!

doggonecarl

Great insight!

Pamel

I agree that you do show great insight. Unfortunately trust is a hard-won thing once we have introduced doubt. Actions, however, will speak loudly. Keep staying sober and things will change dramatically!

Dollyangel17

Welcome! It's hard when we look in the mirror and finally see what's looking back at us...at least it was for me. The good news is that's it's the first and most important step to recovery.

I wish you luck on your recovery and the best for your future. You will get there.

Bruce292

Thank you for posting that. I too became selfish, childish, and manipulative so I could carve out the little cave of alcohol and drugs that had become my world. It helps to know I'm not alone in what I've experienced. I'm sure it helps others as well. Keep posting!

soberclover

It hurts when reality smacks us upside the head, but I'm glad that it happened to you!

DAB

You have just worked on the fourth step without even knowing it. Maybe the 12 steps are instinctual when we are in recovery.

Mizzuno

Wonderful work. Keep on doing the next best thing. In time, you will build trust. Time has a way of changing everything.

360shoes

Not only is it time to change it sounds like to me you already have! That was the most honest and healthiest responses to that situation anyone could have. I hope you feel good about that TM!

One of my favorite sayings....the only difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.

You just did it!!! Keep going!

Sobreia

TM, thank you for your very honest and insightful post - and well done for being brave enough to confront your own behaviour and learn from it, instead of hiding behind excuses (or in a bottle or alcohol!)

Genie

Well done TM! I am newly sober (again) and posts like yours give me so much encouragement. Thank you for the perspective.

Genie (in a bottle no more).

rainyengland

Relates to a lot of us here..good post thanks :-)

waynetheking

Great stuff. Thankyou all.

Zencat

I recognize those "King Baby" traits that I also had. I was a selfish, demanding king baby with no frustration tolerance.

"When infantile traits continue into adulthood, the person is spoken of as immature" and this immaturity is tied to the traits of feelings of omnipotence, inability to accept frustrations, and doing things hurriedly."- Tiebout

Knowing what to change is the first step. Knowing how to practice positive changes in your life is the next step.

Carlotta

You realizing that is a good start. Please let it be your bottom.