Mommaholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Mommaholic
Well I'm new here never done anything like this before meaning post somewhere. Well today I haven't drank in 31 days which is huge unfathomable for me!!! Firstly I'm a mommy to two little girls they are my world. I am a stay at home mom which is completely isolating! I have always loved drinking the quintessential life of the party. But in the last two years I have let my drinking be my third child!! What use to be fun became work... How was I going to hide another liquor store bill. Over the last two years I had worked my way up to a two bottles of wine a day habit. I never drank in the morning never neglected my kids was at every function an active PTA parent no dui but still defintely a "functioning alcoholic" I always woke up thinking today I'm not going to drink tonight and by 4 I was buying a 1.5 litter of wine. I have been so lonely sad and lost. My husband became gravely ill 6 months ago and almost died. Today he is recovering and doing well. During that time I took care of everyone but myself. I often didn't eat and then drank two bottles of wine just to disappear! All I wanted to do is be invisible. I didn't want to take care of my husband and give him his meds or cook and clean and take care of everyone I wanted to be anywhere but where I was. 32 days ago my drinking almost killed me!!! After about a bottle if wine on an empty stomach I fell 5 feet and hit my head on a concrete floor. I lost consciousness for several minutes and my husband and kids thought I was dead! I spent 10 hours in the ER getting test and scans making sure I haven't broken my back or neck and wasn' t having a brain hemorrhage. My husband was do angry at me for what had happened for how I scared him and the kids, as angry as he was I was a million times more ashamed! He gave me an ultimatum that night I quit or I leave. So I quit. And it's been over a month. The first week was easy because I was recovering from the fall. The second week was harder emotionally I wanted to drink. But knew I COULDN'T, it would cost me my girls. So now starting my 5th week the cravings are less but there. Guess I just needed to vent or write cause I am doing this alone no therapist or AA. And I don't talk to my husband about it much due to the feeling of shame. Well if you read this never ending post thanks!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome. Sober Recovery can be a great resource if used properly. It can provide knowledge, advice, support, and be a sounding board for your issues. If you are doing this alone, I suggest you gather as much information as you can about alcohol and alcoholism and see what's worked for the sober folks here.
If it becomes to much to do on your own, don't discount seeing therapist or AA. Put as much effort into recovery as you put into drinking and you should do well.
If it becomes to much to do on your own, don't discount seeing therapist or AA. Put as much effort into recovery as you put into drinking and you should do well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 753
Hi - welcome to SR
I was a 2 bottle a day person as well - you have made a amazing decision to quit , I'm a month in now and feel so much better !..been chained to them grapes ain't no fun - my story was similar to yours
Keep posting and talking - will work wonders for you I promise
Good luck !! :-)
I was a 2 bottle a day person as well - you have made a amazing decision to quit , I'm a month in now and feel so much better !..been chained to them grapes ain't no fun - my story was similar to yours
Keep posting and talking - will work wonders for you I promise
Good luck !! :-)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
You are not alone. We do understand how difficult and scary this is.
I'm glad you are okay and that you are 31 days sober. Good for you! There is always support here at SR and I hope you will continue to post and seek support here.
You are not alone. We do understand how difficult and scary this is.
I'm glad you are okay and that you are 31 days sober. Good for you! There is always support here at SR and I hope you will continue to post and seek support here.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
welcome! I too had a love affair with wine. I am a mommy to a little girl myself, and convinced myself she didn't realize how much I drank...so wrong. I also thought I was hiding a large portion of it from my husband, but I know he found my hiding places a time or two (there is only so many cabinets and bags of flour to hide my glass behind!).
He confronted me as well, and I knew I had to quit. Nothing is worth losing my family over...not even you Mr. Bottle!
31 days if wonderful!!! Congrats on the achievement. You are moving in the right direction, and this board will help too.
He confronted me as well, and I knew I had to quit. Nothing is worth losing my family over...not even you Mr. Bottle!
31 days if wonderful!!! Congrats on the achievement. You are moving in the right direction, and this board will help too.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
LOL...Oh it must be because wine is so "refined". Uh, YAH...not so much when I woke up the next morning with purple lips (damn red wine loves to stain) because I was too inebriated to care about brushing my teeth before falling asleep!
Yes...sewing, scrapbooking etc. would have been much better options for me too:-)
Yes...sewing, scrapbooking etc. would have been much better options for me too:-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,479
I'm a stay at home mom too. I have 2 toddlers.
I got so smashed at a hockey game almost a year ago that I could barely walk out of the arena. My husband said that's it your not drinking anymore (he suspected a problem long before then) and well I wish I could say that was the end of it.
I've given it 3 tries (this being the 3rd) since then. I did cut WAY back after that incident but was still drinking behind his back though he has suspected a few times. It was like a thrill to do it behind his back and it was very much an I'll show you type of thing. I'm the type if you tell me I can't do something you better believe that EXACTLY what I'm gonna do! I've spent the majority of the time since then with so much resentment towards him. Only now am I seeing that was exactly what I needed.
So obviously I can't really talk with him about all this so I'm pretty much going it alone too. Even though I'm a christian and believe that God is my higher power and and need him in ever aspect of my life, AA is absolutely not for me. I found AVRT and have been using that this time around and things are going really well, I'm only a week into it but feels so different this time.
Welcome to the board fellow mommy!!
I got so smashed at a hockey game almost a year ago that I could barely walk out of the arena. My husband said that's it your not drinking anymore (he suspected a problem long before then) and well I wish I could say that was the end of it.
I've given it 3 tries (this being the 3rd) since then. I did cut WAY back after that incident but was still drinking behind his back though he has suspected a few times. It was like a thrill to do it behind his back and it was very much an I'll show you type of thing. I'm the type if you tell me I can't do something you better believe that EXACTLY what I'm gonna do! I've spent the majority of the time since then with so much resentment towards him. Only now am I seeing that was exactly what I needed.
So obviously I can't really talk with him about all this so I'm pretty much going it alone too. Even though I'm a christian and believe that God is my higher power and and need him in ever aspect of my life, AA is absolutely not for me. I found AVRT and have been using that this time around and things are going really well, I'm only a week into it but feels so different this time.
Welcome to the board fellow mommy!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Thanks peaceful its good to have another person who knows what I am going through! I also have tried to stop in the past but always new in my head it was temporary. This time feels more final. I don't want to pretend I remember something my daughters told me the night before!
Keep at it good luck let there be some peaceful rain for you
Keep at it good luck let there be some peaceful rain for you
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Depending on where you are, there may be some AA meetings with childcare. I know one of my groups does that. They just request that you throw an extra buck or two in the basket per kid. I think getting to someAA meetings and meeting the women there could help you a lot in your isolation. I know it's helped me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Thanks displaced I might check out a few meetings don't think I could bring my kids though I wouldn't want them to remember that. But I will go whatever it takes to keep their mom healthy!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Going it alone will be tough. Knowledge and a willingness to be very honest with yourself will help. Know why you drink, how you feel when you drink, your triggers, where to go when you need someone to talk to. Get as educated as you can. The fear of the consequences of drinking will keep you from picking up that first drink, for awhile, but probably not forever. I wish you luck and make sure you keep posting, not only your success but your struggles as well. We have all been there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
As much as I "hated" my husband for giving me an ultimatum of quitting or leaving..... I love him for loving me enough to not let me waste another day. If he hadn't I'm sure once my concusion had healed I'd be right back to drinking. I have done endless soul searching the last month. I know I'm a stuffer and never ask for help. So thank you all for your help this is the first time in my 35 years I have let go of control and am saying I can't do it all I do need help
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome Inperfectly. I felt so much better when I came here and reached out. It was hard to do, but I was instantly comfortable here - and being among those who really understand has made all the difference to me.
I'm sorry for all that you've been through. I hope you'll stop feeling shame for something you had little control over. Alcoholism isn't a character flaw or weakness. You are on the right track now, so please forgive yourself and be proud that you are seeking a better life. We're glad you're here with us.
I'm sorry for all that you've been through. I hope you'll stop feeling shame for something you had little control over. Alcoholism isn't a character flaw or weakness. You are on the right track now, so please forgive yourself and be proud that you are seeking a better life. We're glad you're here with us.
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