Day 10
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 7
Day 10
I'm not a public person so this feels like I am really putting myself out there. I am 43 years old, married with three wonderful kids, have a great job, and I have realized that alcohol is something that is destroying my life. I've tried to quit a few times over the years, but it never stuck more than a few months. In the past few months I've been drinking even more than before and my seemingly perfect marriage revealed itself to not be so perfect. Alcohol isn't the only problem but it is a key that unlocks my own craziness, my irrationality and out-of-control arguments with my wife. I can't do it anymore if I want my marriage to survive, or for me to survive. I've lived for so long with shaking hands, dizziness, headaches, irregular thumping heartbeat, foggy brain that I had forgotten what it was like to feel "normal."
I had my last drink 10 days ago, and to tell the truth, it hasn't been so bad. I was worried about all the withdrawal symptoms but have been taking lots of vitamins and continuing to exercise a lot. Power yoga, running and lifting, which is fortunately something that even through the drinking I have kept up over the years (one of the reasons I worked out was to sweat it out every day). I've kept up with my high pressure job too, but I'm so tired of pretending in meetings that I am not about to fall over in my chair. But in the last 10 days I haven't missed the booze much. As the normal thing that I do after work, yes, but not in a deep, craving way.
I went to an AA meeting a few days ago and will go to one tonight, but I'm not convinced that that is for me. I feel like the knowledge that I really will lose my wife, lose my kids, and perhaps myself is enough to really make me stay off alcohol this time. I know that is a common feeling, but somehow this time the stakes are higher than ever. I've reached an age at which it doesn't make sense to live my life a certain way anymore. I am choosing to be sober. Maybe I am finally growing up.
I had my last drink 10 days ago, and to tell the truth, it hasn't been so bad. I was worried about all the withdrawal symptoms but have been taking lots of vitamins and continuing to exercise a lot. Power yoga, running and lifting, which is fortunately something that even through the drinking I have kept up over the years (one of the reasons I worked out was to sweat it out every day). I've kept up with my high pressure job too, but I'm so tired of pretending in meetings that I am not about to fall over in my chair. But in the last 10 days I haven't missed the booze much. As the normal thing that I do after work, yes, but not in a deep, craving way.
I went to an AA meeting a few days ago and will go to one tonight, but I'm not convinced that that is for me. I feel like the knowledge that I really will lose my wife, lose my kids, and perhaps myself is enough to really make me stay off alcohol this time. I know that is a common feeling, but somehow this time the stakes are higher than ever. I've reached an age at which it doesn't make sense to live my life a certain way anymore. I am choosing to be sober. Maybe I am finally growing up.
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