THEOjibway

Hello everyone. It's been awhile since I have posted here in these forums at all. As the title says. I am an alcoholic but been sober for 1 year and 9 months. My title has its name because in this household I had been drinking for 8 years of my life and finally managed to stop and I am 28 years old and lifes been great but for sure has had its ups and downs.There has been alot of downs lately in my life. First starting with my girlfriend breaking up with me which was 8 months ago, then my brother leaving for the military which was a huge deal, then grandma passing away, then we had to put our 12 year old dog down last friday and still coping on that. Now.... We had just found out that my father has been secretly drinking still and finally caught him with his empties. It was routine to finally get my father and my mothers winter tires taken off and when mother got home last night she wanted me to put the summer wheels into the car trunks. I went to grab my fathers with my mother present in the garage and I'm just lifting it when my father shoves me aside and says "I GOT IT, STEP ASIDE!!" I then quickly see empty cans placed within the tire and then liquid starts pouring out and some of it spilled on my slippers and it smells of beer. At this point my mother had to grab something and I asked what that was and he ignored me and put the tires into the trunk himself and he has a bad back and hernia. I go in shocked and tell my mother what I just saw and she goes out to confront him. He knows he was caught finally. Lies that it was cans from awhile back but then admits he's been drinking again. I've been in AA for 5 years and kept falling off the wagon. My father joined AA 2 years ago and hasn't received any chips or medallion and my mother grew wary that he did not get his 1 year like he was suppose to a few months ago but he claimed he didn't want one. Now I know I'm not suppose to be taking his inventory. But anyone who is proud to finally obtain a year would gladly accept it. I know I did. But the way he's been acting lately has been like he always was when he was drinking... down right mean and nasty. Whenever he did talk to us he always faced away when speaking to us or stand far away. A few times I thought I smelled beer on his breath but didnt want to accept it because I believed he was doing so well with seeing that I am finally grabbing onto sobriety that he'd follow me. He doesn't read or go to discussions and he reminds me alot of myself when I first started AA.

I am not mad at him, but it is hard to see my mother barely talking to him and answering him with one word phrases. Maybe because I was in the same issue when I kept drinking and promising to stop when a few weeks later I'd be in tears and shaking and saying I drank again.

Anyways. Mother is talking about moving out and even possibly divorcing my father. I have no control over any of it and I understand as my mother spoke to me last night as we drove to my aunts so she could get away from him for a few hours and think. I just don't know what to do because she asked me she's probably going to move out for a few months and she asked me if I'm comfortable enough living with Dad without her around and I'm not sure. Living in a house where there is an active alcoholic. Now I know I have no reason to really say I can't live here. I am on my own program and I am following it. A few moments last night was like "Why does he get to drink and not me? How about I say screw it I'm drinking if he can." But I shook that out of my head and even said no out loud. I know I can't go down that road again. I'm just mixed on whether to be angry or to be sad or neutral. I love my father but I guess im disappointed in him after all i put him and my mother through with my drinking.

wanttobehealthy

I hope your mother does leave him. Sounds like she has had enough. I personally don't think any amount of detaching with love can make living with an active, disinterested in recovery alcoholic like it sounds your dad is, tolerable.

You sound really together and healthy and like you are working hard. It might be best for you to live apart from your dad too since he seems to be a cause of angst for you as well as your mom....

Recovering2

IMO, your Dad is a threat to your own recovery. You have to always put YOUR recovery first and foremost, and avoid those people/situations that could derail you. You don't have to cut your Dad out of your life, but I also don't think you need to live with an active A.

fourmaggie

can i say you may need al anon too with your mother? i mean your in recovery...but alot of recovered alcoholics do need al anon also....

i dunno, am i wrong to suggest it...but your mother does....

^^^i agree with Recoverying2...dad is a threat to YOUR soberity...boundaries need to be set...

THEOjibway

maybe about the ala non. I might try it out. I shall see how this goes.