It's livable but bizarre!!
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
It's livable but bizarre!!
My husband has been working his recovery but I noticed something very bizarre, a very new obsessive/compulsive behavior.
The laundry!! He has never done the laundry. Even when he was single and we started dating, he had always brought his clothes to a wash and fold service. In fact, he took mine as well. We used the service for the whole time we were dating. (It's is not expensive and they do an awesome job, for those who care).
Anyway, I have always done the laundry, have my own little system and I enjoy doing it, believe it or not. I do it nightly so I never have much to do. Yet, he keeps doing laundry. Little loads too. He has plenty of clothes too so there is really no need plus I keep up on it.
I really don't like it because he throws everything in together and on hot. He is aware that it is a new obsession and says he is working on it.
It's livable but just bizarre. I guess if that my biggest complaint of the day, I should feel very fortunate and I do. But it's starting to annoy me a little but I have ignored it but when he ruins something of mine, I am going to be very annoyed because I have asked him not to wash my clothes.
Has anyone experienced new compulsions like this?
P.S. My ego is not bothered by his wrinkles either. The man can not fold. lol
The laundry!! He has never done the laundry. Even when he was single and we started dating, he had always brought his clothes to a wash and fold service. In fact, he took mine as well. We used the service for the whole time we were dating. (It's is not expensive and they do an awesome job, for those who care).
Anyway, I have always done the laundry, have my own little system and I enjoy doing it, believe it or not. I do it nightly so I never have much to do. Yet, he keeps doing laundry. Little loads too. He has plenty of clothes too so there is really no need plus I keep up on it.
I really don't like it because he throws everything in together and on hot. He is aware that it is a new obsession and says he is working on it.
It's livable but just bizarre. I guess if that my biggest complaint of the day, I should feel very fortunate and I do. But it's starting to annoy me a little but I have ignored it but when he ruins something of mine, I am going to be very annoyed because I have asked him not to wash my clothes.
Has anyone experienced new compulsions like this?
P.S. My ego is not bothered by his wrinkles either. The man can not fold. lol
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
BTDT and it has nothing to do with drugs. Hide your delicates and tell him to buy all gray tee shirts and briefs from now on. Calvin Klein are nice. That way he can wash them with both dark and light stuff and not do any damage. Ya think their mothers would have taught them this basic stuff but nooooo...and don't get me started on cooking for themselves.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
He likes whites! 
Cooking used to be a problem, but I will say he does clean up pretty good now. Meatballs used to make me nuts but not anymore.
Funny, I am letting go of my OCD and need for control and he is picking up new ones. I just wish it vacuuming instead.
Cooking used to be a problem, but I will say he does clean up pretty good now. Meatballs used to make me nuts but not anymore.
Funny, I am letting go of my OCD and need for control and he is picking up new ones. I just wish it vacuuming instead.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Tell him he can wash his stuff as much as he wants, but not yours. That's what I told bf years ago. If he wants to ruin his own clothes, and go around wrinkled, who cares. However, you obviously don't want him to wash your stuff because he'll ruin it! My bf has not started a laundry compulsion in recovery. He has some new hobbies which are kind of compulsive, but not really a problem.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My husband has traveled enough with work that he is very capable of being self-sufficient with his laundry, cooking and banking....but when he comes home he is like a 10 year old child and prefers that I do all this.
I only do it when I want clothes that don't shrink and colours that don't run, food that is edible and a balanced budget...otherwise I just let him have at it.
He, in turn, keeps my car gassed and washed, removes garbage, buys take out for two a couple of times a week and fine dining at least once, and drives me anywhere I want to go for my hobby photography, waiting patiently while I assess the light and angles.
It's a trade off that works for me.
But LMN, maybe let him do towels and bedding to distract him from wrecking your "unmentionables" (that would be undies!).
Hugs
I only do it when I want clothes that don't shrink and colours that don't run, food that is edible and a balanced budget...otherwise I just let him have at it.
He, in turn, keeps my car gassed and washed, removes garbage, buys take out for two a couple of times a week and fine dining at least once, and drives me anywhere I want to go for my hobby photography, waiting patiently while I assess the light and angles.
It's a trade off that works for me.
But LMN, maybe let him do towels and bedding to distract him from wrecking your "unmentionables" (that would be undies!).
Hugs
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by Ann 
I only do it when I want clothes that don't shrink and colours that don't run, food that is edible and a balanced budget...otherwise I just let him have at it.
I hope nobody thought this was going to be a balanced discussion on the psychological effects of recovery. We're talking LAUNDRY here! I am very fussy about separating colours darks and lights while formulating every strategy possible to avoid hand washing.
Is it possible to channel obsessive behaviour into washing floors? Brightening up the paint trims? Maybe learning to sew amazing outfits?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
ok, that's funny and quite weird! LOL I see his and hers laundry baskets??? one labeled Have At It and one labeled NO TOUCHIE!
hank's a little too ADD to have obsessions....unless it's seasoning and fussing with food on his plate - proper baked potato assembly can take awhile! like run and gas up the car while you wait. you do NOT want to get behind hank in the buffet line, you'll never eat - at least not WARM food. sigh.
my own obsession is dust....and dust motes and whatever the hell those floatie things in the air are! our house is always dusty...two dogs and a mason tender doesn't help! I dread mornings when the sunbeams illuminate everything!!! I've been known to stand with the front door open aiming the weed blower OUT the door trying woosh stuff out!!!
hank's a little too ADD to have obsessions....unless it's seasoning and fussing with food on his plate - proper baked potato assembly can take awhile! like run and gas up the car while you wait. you do NOT want to get behind hank in the buffet line, you'll never eat - at least not WARM food. sigh.
my own obsession is dust....and dust motes and whatever the hell those floatie things in the air are! our house is always dusty...two dogs and a mason tender doesn't help! I dread mornings when the sunbeams illuminate everything!!! I've been known to stand with the front door open aiming the weed blower OUT the door trying woosh stuff out!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
My husband likes to do his own laundry...he separates out the whites, darks, etc. and even sticks around usually to put the liquid fabric softener in during the rinse cycle. He also line dries all of his clothes so that nothing shrinks in the slightest. He's 6'5'' and prefers that his sleeves stay down by his wrists.
Me on the other hand, I don't sort any of my clothes -- unless I get a new red t-shirt that's gonna bleed on everything. All my stuff is cotton and "boring" in terms of how it needs to be cared for. I like it that way. I do turn my jeans inside out and manage to pull a few things out of the wash before I transfer thing to the dryer -- certain pants and hoodies...but other than that, it's a blind wash and go for me!
After seeing how I do my laundry, he doesn't want me touching his. LOL
Me on the other hand, I don't sort any of my clothes -- unless I get a new red t-shirt that's gonna bleed on everything. All my stuff is cotton and "boring" in terms of how it needs to be cared for. I like it that way. I do turn my jeans inside out and manage to pull a few things out of the wash before I transfer thing to the dryer -- certain pants and hoodies...but other than that, it's a blind wash and go for me!
After seeing how I do my laundry, he doesn't want me touching his. LOL
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by Ann
But LMN, maybe let him do towels and bedding to distract him from wrecking your "unmentionables" (that would be undies!).
Hugs
And if you ever saw the way he folds towels, you would think a 5 yr old did it. At one time, I would have HAD to refold them but nope, not today. I am "snapping out of it."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
I dated a girl in college who was a stickler about laundry. She was a control freak about it really -- including where the tag needed to be on the towels. Yikes.
I thought she should just be glad I was folding towels AT ALL. Then she would go behind me and undo all the towels I folded and do them herself, to which I would just think she should do them herself in the first place! What a waste of my time...and such a lack of appreciation on her part! (of course I never said anything -- I was too scared to rock the boat.)
I have since adopted a way of folding towels - only in the last two months - that I learned from watching a You Tube video of that organizing guy with the glasses and the accent from Australia I think. And I must say...it's wayyyyy better to have a system for folding towels that makes the towels, no matter what size they are, all kind of have the same size in the closet.
I am not quite a domestic goddess at all though...anything goes with me usually. But when I find a nice way of doing something that is not FORCED on me, I usually adopt it without much fuss.
<typed while staring at the pile of clean laundry hanging out on my giant beanbag chair in the corner of my room>
I thought she should just be glad I was folding towels AT ALL. Then she would go behind me and undo all the towels I folded and do them herself, to which I would just think she should do them herself in the first place! What a waste of my time...and such a lack of appreciation on her part! (of course I never said anything -- I was too scared to rock the boat.)
I have since adopted a way of folding towels - only in the last two months - that I learned from watching a You Tube video of that organizing guy with the glasses and the accent from Australia I think. And I must say...it's wayyyyy better to have a system for folding towels that makes the towels, no matter what size they are, all kind of have the same size in the closet.
I am not quite a domestic goddess at all though...anything goes with me usually. But when I find a nice way of doing something that is not FORCED on me, I usually adopt it without much fuss.
<typed while staring at the pile of clean laundry hanging out on my giant beanbag chair in the corner of my room>
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
let me guess....corner to corner (sort of) roll, roll, roll. that you don't refold is impressive! 
,even about how the garbage had to be done. Today, I can just appreciate it making it to the street on the right day and I don't have to obsess about it. He remembers, does it his way and I don't care. But my house is still clean, I just clean it now when I feel like it, and NOT because it HAS to be done, like the OCD control freak I was. I regret being that example for my daughter.
My husband really appreciates and has commented several times how enjoys the more "easier going" me. Lol, we both joke about being less controlling and powerless when it comes to getting out of something neither one of wants to do.
Just this morning he didn't want to be controlling and empty the dishwasher because he KNOWS how much I enjoy it. My reply, I am powerless over you so feel free. He emptied it!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
ONG, I am laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes!!!
So funny. However, this thread explains very well, why I LIVE ALONE and have now for almost 25 years. Even when my wonderful fellow was still alive, we kept our own homes and visited each other, taking our dirty clothes home with us. I believe he was as OCD about his laundry as I am about mine.
Now when my half sister lived with me, it was OK because we both seemed to do the laundry the same way, and I am sure when she returns in October it will still be the same, because for 4 years I have heard complaints about how her daughter does not do the laundry correctly, roflmao
I also learned about 20 or so years ago, that my house did not have to be PERFECT just LIVABLE! Between working so many hours that I couldn't do a thorough job and then retiring early due to 'health' a perfect house was no longer on 'the list', lol Now with 4 dogs, and just me, it is fairly easy to keep clean. May not be spotless. But it sure is a comfortable house. My grand kids love coming over and spending time here, or an overnight here.
To keep this topic related to this thread, my oldest grand daughter, she is 15 now, has been watching me do laundry and can now do it the way I do. During Easter (Spring) break she offered to do the laundry at her house. There are 3 adults, one the 'other' grandma, and 4 kids. My daughter said sure, as she is NOT as OCD as I am but does practice much of what I do. She watched grand daughter do all the laundry and then laughed like crazy. She looked at grand daughter and said "grandma has taught you well!" and laughed some more. Then when we talked she told me how 'well' I had 'taught' grand daughter. We both got a good laugh out of that one.
(((((LMN))))) you have come a long way!!!!! WOW!!!! I would suggest that you keep your 'delicates' out of the 'general' laundry. I do believe his OCD about laundry will dissipate in time. In the meantime, YOU standing back and allowing yourself this freedom of not have to refold, rewash, etc is absolutely WONDERFUL!!!!
You go girl, your recovery is shining!!!!!
Love and hugs,
So funny. However, this thread explains very well, why I LIVE ALONE and have now for almost 25 years. Even when my wonderful fellow was still alive, we kept our own homes and visited each other, taking our dirty clothes home with us. I believe he was as OCD about his laundry as I am about mine.
Now when my half sister lived with me, it was OK because we both seemed to do the laundry the same way, and I am sure when she returns in October it will still be the same, because for 4 years I have heard complaints about how her daughter does not do the laundry correctly, roflmao
I also learned about 20 or so years ago, that my house did not have to be PERFECT just LIVABLE! Between working so many hours that I couldn't do a thorough job and then retiring early due to 'health' a perfect house was no longer on 'the list', lol Now with 4 dogs, and just me, it is fairly easy to keep clean. May not be spotless. But it sure is a comfortable house. My grand kids love coming over and spending time here, or an overnight here.
To keep this topic related to this thread, my oldest grand daughter, she is 15 now, has been watching me do laundry and can now do it the way I do. During Easter (Spring) break she offered to do the laundry at her house. There are 3 adults, one the 'other' grandma, and 4 kids. My daughter said sure, as she is NOT as OCD as I am but does practice much of what I do. She watched grand daughter do all the laundry and then laughed like crazy. She looked at grand daughter and said "grandma has taught you well!" and laughed some more. Then when we talked she told me how 'well' I had 'taught' grand daughter. We both got a good laugh out of that one.
(((((LMN))))) you have come a long way!!!!! WOW!!!! I would suggest that you keep your 'delicates' out of the 'general' laundry. I do believe his OCD about laundry will dissipate in time. In the meantime, YOU standing back and allowing yourself this freedom of not have to refold, rewash, etc is absolutely WONDERFUL!!!!
You go girl, your recovery is shining!!!!!
Love and hugs,
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