CGruff

Today was a bad day. Today was a new low. Today I woke up after a 3 day booze binge and had the worst panic/anxiety attacks I have ever experienced. It's a wake up call and things need to change.

I have always been a social drinker, but my intake escalated after the sudden death of my father 10 years ago. I've been binging ever since. Numbs the feelings as you all know.

Here is a little about me: I divide my time between Canada and Australia. My husband is a fantastic man, I love him dearly. My drinking is not an issue when we are together, he keeps me in check and we only have a glass of wine on a Friday or Saturday night. Currently, we are apart as I visit my family in Canada...and this is always a trigger for me. I have no real routine while I'm visiting and slide right back into excessive consumption. I never go out, all my drinking is done at home in private. No one in family is aware of how bad things are. I hide it well.

While I was freaking out today I found this site. I've spent the last 10 hours reading posts and seeing myself in all of you. I need to change my ways, posting this message is me admitting a new way is absolutely necessary and I now realize that. All of you inspire me, so thank you

Dee74

Welcome CGruff

There is a better way to live - I know you'll find a lot of support and ideas here

D

CGruff

Thanks D. I read a lot of your replies to people, your encouragement and advice is one of the main reasons I joined. Today is a new day

Heartfan82

My family never knew, either, except my boys, cause they lived with me. I didn't even know my anxiety was due to drinking until I quit!

This site has been a life changer for me, so much info and support.

Good luck to you in this wonderful, sometimes scary journey. It's so worth it! Your body and mind will feel so much better in a little while.

Dee74 is a very special person, I agree; and I'm glad you've joined this site, too!

Peace,
~Heartfan

Superpumped

I feel for you Cgruff . I have the same problems due to alcohol abuse . My mother died suddenly also . It's great that you have such a supportive husband . I am going this alone so I bet you can recover if you just commit to bettering yourself for him and the rest of your family because the Lord now we don't do it for our own good.

Mirage74

Welcome CGruff! It's always good to have new people come aboard to the site. I can relate, my alcoholism went to new levels after my father died several years ago. Very tough. And I, too, kept most of my drinking hidden from my family, I didn't want anyone interfering!

And Dee is pretty great, he's gotten me through a few rough spots. Anyway, glad to have you here and gl

CGruff

Thank you for the words of wisdom! I think I'm in for a battle but it's something I have to do. The detox part worries me, as I have been drinking so much lately. Very common for me to have 4 or 5 beer followed by a bottle of wine or a few vodkas. Every single night. The anxiety the next day kills me...and has become progressively worse over the last couple of years. I'm also afraid to tell people about my issues. Just want to deal with it on my own. Is that possible? Not sure about AA.

Dee74

anythings possible...I think doing it on your won is massively harder tho.
I'd at least see a Dr...AA's not the only show in town either...

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

YouRmySunshine

I too can relate to the at home drinking, and "thought" I hid it well too (although now that Im sober they say I wasn't nearly as cleaver as I thought)
I thought I was drinking to help my anxiety. I thought I was special & was the only one that had these terrible panic attacks if I did not drink.

But the further I got in recovery I realize how NOT ALONE I was in so many ways.
I hope you realize that too & most important your not alone in your desire to live a sober life!
People do want to help you!
Welcome!

Mirage74

Yea, it is a battle, but I think it's worth it. I was just thinking, if it were easy to quit drinking, we probably wouldn't have a problem.

CGruff

It's nice to not feel alone. One thing I have realized is that everybody has bad things happen in their life, your posts above about losing loved ones proves it. I have just now realized it's not an excuse to get blitzed everyday. Life will be hard without alcohol....but it will be a hell of a lot worse with it.

Today was day two for me. I took it minute by minute. Decided to do positive activities instead of giving into the urge. I went for a run, shopping with my mom. She even asked if I needed to stop at the liquor store (so maybe not hiding it as well as I thought!) but I declined. It's 8:30 and I feel good. Minute by minute. Day by day.

Thank you again for the positive reinforcement!!

quitforme79

Welcome to sr

sugarbear1

the problem with numbing feelings due to a death of a loved one is that we aren't able to fully process that death or to fully grieve.

Hugs & Love sent to you.

You can stay stopped, if you really want to!