Nonsensical

I was returning to work yesterday after a doctor's appt, and needed some lunch. I decided to go to Whole Foods, as they have some healthy choices at the food bar. Healthier than anything else on that route, at least.

As I parked I remembered they also have a little craft beer pub on the side. Back when I was drinking I had wanted to try it. And just like that I seemed to completely forget that I'm an alcohol addict and I went in and ordered an IPA. Then another. I didn't go back to work.

I went grocery shopping after 3 pints. I normally go grocery shopping on Mondays after work, so I stayed on that schedule. Then after shopping I went to another bar on my way home, and had 3 more pints. Then I took a six-pack home. My 'off' switch is still busted.

My family is disappointed, of course. My head is banging this morning, of course. Fortunately I still have a head. Time to start using it again.

Weasel1966

Hey non? What's your AV telling you this morning? Is it laughing? Is it teasing you? Is it quiet?

Is, because its the day after, your sober voice is dominating?

My point is I would learn the most when I listened to when I just fed the beast. He gets stupid when he's happy and I can learn a thing or two.

But you sound like you already did learn a thing or two.

Move forward my friend! With the SR fa,ily by your side.

Ken

Received

Well, you're back and I'm glad for that.

Can you look back and see when your beast started to take over? When you started entertaining the AV? Days? Hours?

I'm asking this question for myself. That may sound selfish and I don't mean it that way.

ETA: Yeah, and I'm curious about Weasel's questions as well.

Nonsensical

AV is telling me to drink again this morning. Hair of the dog for that hangover. If I'd had one within arm's reach a couple of hours ago I probably would have slammed one back. And we know where that road leads...

I feel like AV is back under MY control again, now.

It was literally a split-second decision. I wasn't even thinking 'beer' when I pulled into the parking lot. I was getting out of my truck and saw the side entrance where the pub is and just thought "eff it, I'm gonna try one of their beers", walked in and ordered one that sounded promising.

Weasel1966

It's happened to me that way. Many people here I have read. Autopilot to hell.

Glad you are here posting.

Threshold

Yeah, isn't if funny how we think we are just going to do a little nice thing for ourselves, a little harmless indulgence and then BANG, ugh, truth hits us once again.

It's not harmless and it's not a gift, it's a big fat slammy whammy on the head!

So glad you are "feeling the pain" and realizing that yeah, just really don't want to go there again.

welcome back.

mecanix

Back on the bike .

*ring ring*

M

doggonecarl

Sorry to read that your struggles to recover continue.

isinganyway

Just my 2 cents... have you tried AA? AVRT is great but AA really helps for those times when rationality and self-control don't work...

Fandy

Did you previously drink and drive?

you are more than lucky you didn't do harm to yourself and others. You mentioned thoughts of "buying beer for your son" this past weekend...your AV was hard at work in your subconscious and ran with the opportunity once your eyeballs saw that entrance.

I hope you feel better and am glad this wasn't a continued binge of extra days.

Grymt

''returning to work yesterday after a doctor's appt, and needed some lunch... I didn't go back to work.
I went grocery shopping after 3 pints. I normally go grocery shopping on Mondays after work, so I stayed on that schedule. Then after shopping I went to another bar on my way home, and had 3 more pints. Then I took a six-pack home''

would it have been different if you had eaten?

BikerAcct

This type of thing is a worry for me too. I used to brew my own beer, belonged to a couple of brewing clubs, etc. Loved craft beers of all types, especially a good double IPA. Loved trying all the new craft brew joints.
Gave that all up, man did that hurt.

Truth be told though, beer didn't mess me up, it was Vodka. I'd always start by having a good tasting beer, but end up with Vodka and beer. You see, beer just couldn't mess me up anymore, even the high alcohol stuff. I'd get full to fast

I'm going to miss my beer, but that's ok. I miss some old girlfriends too. They and the beer, were a part of my life. Once. For good or bad, it's made me who I am.

Don't beat yourself up to much Nonsensical. You can win this fight.

Mizzuno

The good thing is that you are safe, and ready to start riding again. These things do happen. It is not unheard of ( you should check out all my attempts) Please do not beat yourself up. Lets get going in the right direction.

Nonsensical

Depends who you ask. I've been to a hundred or so meetings, but there are people who tell me I never actually tried AA.


Sadly, yes, I have. Many many times.

I was stopping to get food, so it might have been different if I had eaten. Ironically, McDonald's drive-thru would have been the better choice for me yesterday.

Mizzuno

There you go trying to get all healthy and look what happens!
I am glad that you are back here and posting about it. We need you around Nonsense. What you are doing for yourself is really important. Onwards and UPWARDS!

Received

Yeah. Geez.

For the couple of weeks or so I've come to look at the thread, "Funny things my AV said Today", over at Secular Connections with jaundice eye. It came to me making a joke out of our AV is actually giving it power, at least that's how I see it.

My AV is not a buddy of mine. It wants me dead and that's certainly nothing to joke about. What I realized is when my AV comes at me will "silly" thoughts, there is nothing silly about it. Entertaining IT by laughing at it is feeding the beast.

I can't help but think, non, that this didn't just sneak up on you and I hate IT happened.

trikyriky

My 2 cents. Your AV was in control , maybe when you woke up . Planned from the get go, in your subconscious, before you decided to eat healthy. Took you right where it wanted you to be , at the sidebar. I found when I screw up, its planned by the rational side , completely wambuzeled by that stinkin AV. I put myself in a no win situation. You been one of my rocks , you know the drill. Get er Done !

Fandy

Didn't you mention that you were hosting a "party" of some type this Sunday (which is Mother's Day)? Please think about having a good offense for this, because there may be booze around...your family is very loving and tolerant most times?, but they do have a saturation point too. The last thing you want to do is give them a terrible holiday to remember and hurtful feelings.
I hope it is a beautiful sunny day on your deck and you are happy with bacon and gingerale.

Ptcapote

Hey Non, sorry about yesterday happening and so good to see you're back and fighting. Just a quick thought to echo what Riky is saying above and what I have seen from some of your previous posts: Your AV is really good at pre-gaming you. I notice it in posts where you start mentioning drinking (parties, getting beer for your son, etc.) and then it seems like you have slip-up soon thereafter. Not always, of course, but maybe sometimes? Your AV has a pretty firm grip on your subconscious and, as Riky says, seems to be quite "rational" so you're probably going to have to do some extra work to beat that b*stard into submission. He's a tricky one so you might need some extra tools in your toolbox.

Anyway, sending you tons of good vibes, virtual support and a huge hug too!

Pamel

I kinda buy into the "autopilot" thing. Once engaged it just takes over. For me the biggest triggers are loneliness and boredom which are a large part of my life. Also, I am being very careful not to shop anywhere where there is liquor nearby that I used to access. Unfortunately, this includes WholeFoods (wine store across the street) and the main grocery store (liquor store next door). The husband's scotch is a trigger (great drama in stealing a few nips when he was in the kitchen; thankfully he now keeps it hidden, bless his heart.

Such a minefield. But since I have looked at what REALLY makes me want to drink (boredom and loneliness) I am trying to remedy those situations.

Nonsensical, I am glad you are posting about it; you are one of my favorite people here.