Itsmytime1234

What do u do when ur so sick of lying that u dont even believe the garbage that is coming out of your own mouth. I'm feel like im sick of saying I'm sorry to ppl and I'm sick of saying that I will never ever let myself get like that again or I will never ever drive messed up. It just all seems like bull. How do u get away from yourself and escape your thoughts?

DAB

Go to an AA meeting and meet some people who have made those lies reality.

FeenixxRising

Were you sober when you wrote this? Usually it takes a few days if not a few weeks of sobriety before you start thinking clearly and find yourself in a better mood. If you're not currently sober, you will have to fight to keep sober so you can allow yourself some peace-of-mind.

Dee74

I think there comes a point when we drink so much, for so long, and we return to it again and again and again that apologies mean nothing.

I know I got to that point.

Actions speak louder that words here I think itsmytime - it's time to do something.

Start the ball rolling on changes.

You can mend fences - later. But it's not even about showing people, in the end...

it's about wanting something different for yourself.

Time for action man - what's your plan?

D

Zencat

I found self-improvement always messed-up my drinking. There came a point that nothing mattered except living clean/sober. The whole mess ends with a detachment from drinking.

Keep moving forward with a respectable life worth giving away

javamama

I too know how this is. I have said I'm sorry so many times I my husband, it has become pointless, he doesn't even believe I will stop anymore. I am proving him wrong this time though, by my actions. I plan on going to an AA meeting this week, I need something more than willpower to stay sober. Just have a plan of action, and be committed. That's the worst thing, when your not fully committed to setting its so easy to pick up that first drink.

nowme

I am very new to this site but not new to trying to get sober. Replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. I am in the same boat. I have screwed up really bad and I don't think anyone believes me, I know no one believes me when I say" I will never do that again!" Actions speak louder than words. I have stopped apologizing. I can only prove that I am truly sorry by not ever "doing it again" it sounds wierd but perhaps you can make a list of your positive qualities and when you start to best yourself up, stop, take out your list of + qualities and read it. I have done this. I have been sober only for 7 days but the clearer my mind is the more things I like about myself. Good luck!

nowme

Beating ( not best) yourself up

Threshold

I don't think escaping from the thoughts is the solution, I think it's the problem.

Many of us drink/drug in an attempt to escape, not just our lives (which we feel ill equipped to deal with) but our thoughts. Accepting our thoughts, feelings and lives and them making different choices is what heals and changes things. If we keep seeking to escape the best we will do is replace one addiction with another. When we address life we get free.

I agree that self improvement isn't the solution. I think coming to terms with who we are and the fact that we may never "improve" but we can make different choices, have different results and a vastly improved life and relationships is the key to freedom. If we "improve" (whatever that means) that would be icing on the cake, but even if we don't...our lives and choices can.

Find a recovery program and work it. It can be a "formal" one, or informal like just hanging out on SR, journaling, and maybe having a private therapist. Others find a formal or group recovery program most helpful.

At any rate you are off to a great start and I hope you will use SR here as part of your recovery.

FamilyMan2153

When I was drinking I lied so much it really became hard to tell reality from the crap I made up. It comes with being an alcoholic. Try not to worry about the apologizing right now. That may come later when you have a better, solid foundation. Focus on yourself. I can see that you are starting to get to the point where you are just sick and tired. Use that as the fuel to get help and do it today. I know you feel bad, sick and probably hate yourself. Ok, but to get sober does take action. I hope you take that action today.