evemadrugada

Here I am again, yet another Day One of quitting drinking. This better be the time I succeed, as I can't handle any more of this misery. I've hit rock bottom again. I am bruised, shaky, and haven't eaten for two days. My boyfriend who I adore is leaving me because of my drinking. Though I have tried to commit to quitting several times before, I always return to the bottle. I don't drink every day, I just get blackout out and violent and reckless in so many ways when I binge. My self esteem is nonexistent and I find my mind going down dismal paths, just wanting to die, feeling completely devoid of hope. I don't blame my guy for being fed up. Even after attacking him in a blackout the other evening, he came by our room today and held me as I cried. He is encouraging me to attend AA meetings and find a therapist to get to the root of my problem, but he is moving out because I am so volatile. So I am going to need to learn how to be alone and am dreading the insomnia, loss of appetite, loneliness and depression. I can't believe I have been so awful... I live in an apartment which is a social drinking hub, and I am being kicked out in a month, so I will need to make more money now that I won't split the rent. I don't know what I will do
I am constantly surrounded by alcohol and now I won't have my sweet man to help me stay sober. I am just miserable. I am reaching out on this forum in the hopes that by writing about my problems I will work through them and not be able to deny the fact that I MUST QUIT DRINKING. FOR GOOD. FOR EVER.[/FONT]

DFU

The first thing you need to do is stop drinking and do it one day at a time. You need to worry about yourself first and foremost. Then you need to get some help... AA, counseling, rehab, whatever. You're not going to be able to do it alone, as proved by "yet another day one". Hopefully your boyfriend will come back when he sees you are serious about getting better. It's time to toss the guilt, remorse and self pity and get well. It can be done starting today!!

evemadrugada

Thank you kindly for your words of encouragement. I think I do implicitly know what needs to be done, it's just hard to face. I believe it's impossible to be good for anyone if you can't be good for yourself...so I am working on being who I truly am, and I won't let alcohol rule me.

GhostFace

I wish you the best. I'm also back on day one. I kept lying to myself that I could be a moderate drinker. For the past weeks I've been spending over 1k at the bar making stupid decision that leave me depressed and broke the next day. Hang in there you could do this...

Dee74

good to see you again evemadrugada

There a ton of support and ideas here - I really encourage you to use it

why not join the May support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-2013-a-6.html

D

Hevyn

Eve - you can definitely do this. I'm glad you've reached out - SR helped me quit after a lifetime of drinking.

I was at the same point you are when I quit. It was stealing my soul - there was no fun or happiness in it anymore, only misery. There's nothing to cling to - it's over for us - and we don't need it in our lives. You can do it, Eve. I hope it helps to be here to talk it over.

Anna

I'm glad you're back, Eve.

I remember how incredibly dismal everything seemed when I knew I had to stop drinking. But, know for sure that you can do this.

DFU

That's a great attitude and start to recovery. Five months ago yesterday my husband threatened to leave me, take our kids and made me feel like a horrible person. I can't honestly say that I 'wanted' to stop drinking, see I hadn't hit a devastating rock bottom yet. I didn't think I was really hurting anyone. Alcohol is indeed cunning, baffling and powerful. Well, I had two choices... and I chose to quit. It seemed so daunting, how can I never drink again? Well I learned to not drink just for today, simple but effective. What will people think? Well most of them knew I drank too much anyway and the people who really love me will want me to get better. Can I do it? So far my taking it a day at a time and by going to AA (my choice for help), it's working. I can actually say I'm starting to enjoy sober living. I no longer feel guilty, shameful, or embarrassed. Plus my outlook on life and even my relationship with my husband have improved dramatically. Believe me, it isn't always easy or wonderful, but I can honestly say it's worth it. Best of luck to you!

least

Welcome back! I'm glad you're giving it another go.

evemadrugada

Last night, despite feeling like garbage and wanting to just sleep, I went to a meeting. A good friend of mine insisted I go I was glad I did. Day 2 now...Things can only get better. I have so far to go, but hearing other peoples' stories helped a bit, knowing they got past it. I won't be able to get to a meeting today because I have to go to work, but I will keep writing about my progress every day. Thanks for the support.

Alynn0788

you can do it

MelaMela

hope you are doing better today- hang in there!

DisplacedGRITS

Next time you go to a meeting, get there 20 minutes early and stay 20 minutes late. Let people know you're new to the program and see if anyone wants to go out for coffee or ice cream or whatever. Meetings are great but don't exist on the fringe of AA. Ask about sponsors and get to work on the steps. I tried just going to meetings for a while. I'd get there a couple of minutes before the meeting (or late) and be out the door once the meeting was over. Half measures didn't avail me half results. They availed me diddly squat. Make some sobriety sister friends and find someone who has what you want and ask her to be your sponsor or, if she's not sponsoring, ask who her sponsor is. You've got a vast pool of new friends at AA. Make the leap and make some connections. You will be welcomed.