Baya

My head understands detachment it is space for both of us to recover
My heart understands while he is in recovery I sleep alone

My head understands His words are from a differnt place right now
My heart understands every I don't know (that leads to my insecurity)

My head understands I did not create, can not control, can not change
My heart understands I want to protect him

My head understands this is the only way
My heart understands nothing

Will the roller coaster ride ever stop? When it does will we walk again hand in hand or am I fooling myself. Is loving him going to be enough....

ShootingStar1

What a lovely post - - it says so eloquently what so many of us feel.

ShootingStar1

Baya

Thank you. Does it get better?

honeypig

It gets better, one day at a time.

Baya

I feel so overwhelmed at this point and nothing seems to be making it better.

dandylion

Dear Baya, I think you are likely grieving the shift in the relationship. It should get easier--like honeypig said: "one day at a time".

Hang on to the serenity prayer!!

sincerely, dandylion

Tuffgirl

You make it better for yourself. "It" doesn't just magically happen.

Your heart is your emotions - you can choose to ignore them and do what you know is the right thing to do in your head. You can also choose to focus on your life - find some new hobbies, take a class, get a new haircut, adopt a shelter animal, make a daily gratitude list, anything that gives you something new to focus on and frees you from obsessing and future-tripping.

Hammer

Baya --

My meta-physiological anatomy book says that connected some along that Heart/Brain pathway is the Soul.

If the Heart and Brain are out of alignment, it may take some Soul work.

I know a very Go[o]d Doctor for that, but you probably do, too.

Have you seen the Health Plan in this place?

Whether emergency, check-up, or well visits . . .

Visiting that Doctor is . . . FREE! Heck of a deal.

==================

I like Dandy's mention of the Serenity Prayer on this.

My list:

Things I can change: Hammer (me).

Things I cannot change: Mrs. Hammer, the little Hammer-head Chilluns, Work, the World, etc., etc.

Baya

I have not seen the Health Plan? Wehether emergency?

You lost me Hammer and you are so right the only person I can change is me I just don't have it in me right now to make the changes.

Hammer

Sorry, me trying to be clever or something.

Sometimes I cross over from just being a jackass to a dumbass.

Trying to say THIS -- what you (and I, and everyone) are struggling with is a GOD thing.

Posting on here is fine, but the real place to be posting THIS stuff to is heaven.

It is completely free and turns out to be only real answer I have found.

Super You!

You (and me and we) Cannot.

THAT is Exactly Where You Need To Be.

When we say:

[Step 1]: I can't.

AND

[Step 2]: God Can.

it only follows that . . .

[Step 3]: We might as well let Him.

Recovering2

This is why it's important that we listen to our head, not our heart, when this stuff is going on. Our head (and gut) will not lead us astray. Little by little, the head and heart will align, but it takes time and work on your part.

You don't need to do anything big right now. Go to an AlAnon meeting twice a week. Read "CoDependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Make sure you make time for some exercise...release those good endorphins. The changes will come......

Baya

I am going TOPS today and your right excerise is what I need. Oh and if my day was not going bad enough I got offered to take in a child today. I want him but OMG I have so much on my plate.

Hammer

And get ready for a big dose of Promise 11 --

Promise #11: We Will Intuitively Know How to Handle Situations that Used to Baffle Us

Baya

Hammer, at one time I thought I had everything "under control" today I realize I have control over nothing. I take on way more than any one person should. And I burry myself in confusion to avoid reality.

I am closing on a house Friday, my AB is in rehab, and my so called friends want me to take in an 11 year old boy (he is not even old enough to be left home alone!) Oh and I work for Federal grants which means that I may be with out a job before the year ends.

Hammer

. . . and you have the wisdom to not run this path, alone, right?

Let go of the problems and grab the promises.

Not enough pain, yet?

----------------------------------------

The Promises --

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

petmagnet

It will jump on here and say that the power of intuition is a very powerful thing, I believe it is a gift. Call it instinct, 6th sense, divine intervention, whatever you're comfortable with, but it can serve one well if we choose to listen to it and not ignore it. For years I battled the whole head and heart thing, and finally- very recently, realized what I should be listening to, is my gut instinct. It's that feeling you get when you just know what is right or appropriate, about a situation or a person. I've wised up and have begun following it even though it may not be what my heart wants or needs. I think of it as my new self-protection plan moving forward in life. I no longer have the desire to be gullible to my hearts desires. It causes WAAAY to much trouble. Maybe I am cynical, or just getting old and wise, but I no longer believe in an idealistic "love" or life. There are joys, but their will always be sorrows too. I just hope to avoid some of the problems I don't really need to take on in the future. My hope for you Baya is that you find your instinct and start trusting it.