how do I deal with this
One day at a time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 32
how do I deal with this
I told my alcoholic bf that he had 2 choices. 1. stop drinking and keep your job your family your friends and eventually make me your wife 2. keep drinking and lose me your friends your family and your job. Well I broke up with my alcoholic, drug addict bf on Thursday. I've been randomly crying when nobody is around. I've been drinking everyday now for a week. My mother is pissed I drank all her beer. My bf is like if I stop drinking and am sober can we get back together. He keeps calling me baby, lover and telling me he loves me. I so much want to say I love you too baby. BUT I don't. Ive never loved anyone the way that I loved him. I don't know what I can believe and what I cant. My bestfriend has been talking with me everyday since we broke up but he wont home for 2 weeks. He's always been here for me since we were 15 and this is the first time he isn't and its so hard. I lie to peoples faces saying im fine but really I don't know how to deal with this. ive never felt this pain. I just dumped the person I loved and I know its for my best interest. but now no matter what I do it reminds me of him. even watching my tv shows or movies. I want to curl up and die
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi charlie, and welcome!
I'm sorry you are in such pain, drinking yourself is not going to do anything to help that...it will just delay the inevitable.
I think we have all been in this sort of pain after a breakup. The kind of pain that makes you curl up into a ball, lose your appetite, lose your interest in everything....I know I have been there.
But the pain will pass, it will lessen with each day. There were two things that helped me soooo much.
1) I thought about all the people there are in this world. Think about it. I was grieving over this one person who I thought was 'the one', and I had not even met that many people yet in my life. Wow!!! All those people I still had yet to meet was a fantastic and hope-filled thought. Not that I was going to be romantically involved, but that my life and my future had so many possibilities for friends, work, etc.
2) I started journaling for about 20 -30 minutes each day. Just writing down all the dark and awful and sad thoughts was helpful in getting past them eventually. I even started writing down the good thoughts, the hopeful ideas, the bright moments in my day...that helped, too!
I'm including this link because it may be helpful for you, too. Believe me when I say, many of us have been through this--you are not alone!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...up-addict.html
I'm sorry you are in such pain, drinking yourself is not going to do anything to help that...it will just delay the inevitable.
I think we have all been in this sort of pain after a breakup. The kind of pain that makes you curl up into a ball, lose your appetite, lose your interest in everything....I know I have been there.
But the pain will pass, it will lessen with each day. There were two things that helped me soooo much.
1) I thought about all the people there are in this world. Think about it. I was grieving over this one person who I thought was 'the one', and I had not even met that many people yet in my life. Wow!!! All those people I still had yet to meet was a fantastic and hope-filled thought. Not that I was going to be romantically involved, but that my life and my future had so many possibilities for friends, work, etc.
2) I started journaling for about 20 -30 minutes each day. Just writing down all the dark and awful and sad thoughts was helpful in getting past them eventually. I even started writing down the good thoughts, the hopeful ideas, the bright moments in my day...that helped, too!
I'm including this link because it may be helpful for you, too. Believe me when I say, many of us have been through this--you are not alone!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...up-addict.html
One day at a time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 32
everytime I write a post people are like welcome. even though Ive been on here since January.
I know it is for the best. I have good laughs with some of my friends. I have even asked people if I am going to date my best friend now. LOL! im in no situation to start another relationship.
I have tried to keep myself busy. Its been working very well. I do have little cry fests when I get home from work at 12:30 am. When no one is around. its okay my bestfriend comes home in 9 days
so im excited. we going to spend a lot of time together. which will help me out a lot. Him, his sister and his parents have always helped me out and it will be amazing
I know it is for the best. I have good laughs with some of my friends. I have even asked people if I am going to date my best friend now. LOL! im in no situation to start another relationship.
I have tried to keep myself busy. Its been working very well. I do have little cry fests when I get home from work at 12:30 am. When no one is around. its okay my bestfriend comes home in 9 days
so im excited. we going to spend a lot of time together. which will help me out a lot. Him, his sister and his parents have always helped me out and it will be amazing
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Sorry for your pain, but proud of you for keeping your boundary. Your XABF is now doing what A's do. Plead, cajole, cry, "love you baby"....whatever it takes to pull you back in to their world. Don't listen to words, watch their actions instead. Words mean nothing.
No matter what the reason, there is a grief process in ending a relationship. Let yourself have those emotions, give yourself time to heal. You WILL come out the other side of this. You may want to consider going No Contact for now if you're struggling with it. Hearing him beg isn't healthy for you.
Hang in there......
No matter what the reason, there is a grief process in ending a relationship. Let yourself have those emotions, give yourself time to heal. You WILL come out the other side of this. You may want to consider going No Contact for now if you're struggling with it. Hearing him beg isn't healthy for you.
Hang in there......
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Charlie -- You made the right choice and did the right thing.
And you did it for you. Which btw, is the right reason.
Now if bf does decide to dry out and walk straight -- make sure he winds up doing it for the right reason, as well -- him. (not you).
Best to you and look to the angels to be your guide forward.
No need to look back for regrets.
And you did it for you. Which btw, is the right reason.
Now if bf does decide to dry out and walk straight -- make sure he winds up doing it for the right reason, as well -- him. (not you).
Best to you and look to the angels to be your guide forward.
No need to look back for regrets.
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